Stripes

Current Vegas spreads in games we care about: CIN favored over PIT by 1.5 MIA favored over NYJ by 1 DEN favored over KC by 9.5

Odds are not in the Bengals' favor, but they're also not some impossible never-happening pipe dream. Three things need to happen, and none of them are that unreasonable. Carson Wentz can beat the Broncos.

Homeless Man Drafts Johnny Manziel and Baker Mayfield Cheesecake Factory Special are hard to top.

"Wanted: Homeless man to fill the role of collegiate quarterback scout. Office space available on exhaust grates. Bicycle skills required for frequent trips to the Akron Zips football stadium."

If they have Bailey Zappe then he should have been in the game a while ago. He has proven much more than DTR. Granted, they don't really want to win.

DTR's body language is yikes. It looks like he's about to cry.

Doesn't matter, DTR can't do anything. Gonna be relying on the Jets next week.

Refs are clueless as ever in this Miami/Cleveland game.

I hate Cleveland starting DTR instead of Winston.

I think the Colts losing might have been the hardest pin to knock down. This is huge. Come on, Cleveland. Do your Ohio brothers a solid.

Flacco INT. My nipples no longer quiver. They stand fully erect. They are stilettos.

42-33 Giants with 2:57 to play. Cannot fucking believe they dropped a 40 burger. FINISH!!!

Giants return opening 2nd half kickoff for a TD! WOOOO

21-13 at the half. The Giants are definitely capable of blowing that, so I will just clench my cheeks and hope.

TD Wandale Robinson! Drew Lock is Joe Montana. 21-6 Giants

Man Malik Nabers is a beast. LSU could legitimately have the top three NFL WRs in a year or two.

TD Darius Slayton! 14-3 Giants ahead of Colts. I am extremely teased. My nipples quiver.

TD Malik Nabers! LSU WR factory serving the Bengals even outside our own games.

Flacco is a statue in the pocket. 3-0 Colts

I've got the Colts game on. Rooting for the Giants to do anything right sure is going to be fun.

By the way, Cade York should already be gone. You don’t get to miss a 33 yard game winner and stay on the team when your career is already a failure. Find someone else.

Two questions immediately arise: 1) How is it possible to play 44 OT games without scoring a single offensive touchdown? That is incredibly improbable. 2) How the hell did I have no clue this had never happened before? That should be some vaunted horrible curse that everyone speaks of in hushed tones.

In all seriousness, I don’t fault folks for rooting for the L and a higher draft pick. The playoffs remain a longshot. My mindset is: priority number one is to get Joe Burrow into the postseason, because in the postseason he can beat anyone. Even at what might be 1 in 5 odds, generously, if they win next week — that’s more important to me than a few ranks of draft position. The bigger problem with winning now is that it might make the front office believe nothing needs to change. I still want everyone fired.

Fuck yes Fuck your stupid draft pick Who dey

This team deserves to suffer.