Stripes

It would be too much to say I was “expecting” more, but I was certainly desiring more. I want an offseason consistent with Duke Tobin’s own pledge to take care of the big three and also add to the team. I want a free agency period that at least attempts to shore up holes in the roster before the draft. They have no proven starting guard. They have an anemic pass rush, and if Trey is traded they may have the worst pass rush in the league. They have no interior pass rusher. Neither Cam Sample nor Joseph Ossai has demonstrated that they can be reliable starters on the edge. They still have a problem at starting linebacker (Pratt). The team is not getting better unless their young players develop. That could happen, but banking on it to happen has routinely failed this franchise. The draft can help, but they’re cornered into drafting major needs if they don’t sign some free agents. That leads to reaching (Billy Price) and increases the probability of failed replacements (Ogbuehi for Whitworth, Jonah Williams for Whitworth, Dax Hill for Bates, Jordan Battle for Bates — TBD on Jenkins/Jackson for Reader). Now we’re looking at the draft to replace Cappa, possibly to replace a first-team all pro edge rusher, and acquire even one interior pass rusher. They’re locked into these needs in the first few rounds to remain afloat OR they’re taking them late and almost guaranteeing a worse roster than 2024. It’s bad process. There’s no guarantee that free agents solve these problems, but you have to try. Set yourself up for success. Zeitler was worth a go. Scherff is worth a go. Jenkins is worth a go. Bare minimum. If there’s no decent guard signing soon, it’s a failure. Banking on a draft pick and/or Cody Ford is a terrible process. And get some insurance for Hendrickson regardless of where that drama leads (might be too late for this one, though an elder statesman like Calais Campbell would be better than nothing). They have enough cap space. They have enough cash on hand.

Hard to say since Jenkins failed as a tackle. But I am definitely on board now. Get a damned guard. Cody Ford doesn’t count.

Jeff Ruby’s > Arby’s in Heath, OH > microwaved family-size Stouffer’s macaroni and cheese > Cheesecake Factory

Probably pissed I didn’t show up after a little Tinder catfishing.

I doubt Perine makes any meaningful difference. But he’s fine. I don’t figure any of these signings really moves the needle. Slaton could if he works out. Gimme a guard.

PFF seems to hate Slaton. So I’m on board.

“Legal tampering” opens in six hours. Do something that doesn’t make me want to claw my eyes out just to relieve the boredom.

Statistically, Metcalf is much like Tee, but with fewer games missed. I think they’re stylistically similar too (big bodied contested catch types), though DK is faster. I don’t think anyone is giving Tee a five year deal, but the average will be close.

DK Metcalf to PIT in a trade 5yr, $150 million deal $30 million per Tee is watching.

She is a frequenter of the tweeterverse. She often comments about her son's various situations.

Hey. My taint has never been evicted.

Glad the TE rentals are over.

I don’t want to “feel good about the Bengals”. I want to win the Super Bowl. Doing that requires great players. Don’t bleed great players.

I don’t care about $30M as the number. They could comfortably accommodate that with their present cap situation and still do everything else they want to do. Push for 28-29 if you want. You’re never getting him for substantially less than that. The draft and FA are both weak at wide receiver. Burton is a joke. Yoshi hit a plateau. Your team is built on offense. Don’t get worse during Burrow’s prime just to satisfy some notion of “fiscal safety”.

I’ll take OL or DL in the first every year and be happy about it.

I can’t imagine they dropped Cappa without a plan to replace him with a newcomer (FA or draft). Next man up would be very dumb in this spot. I probably shouldn’t disqualify “very dumb” from the plausible range of outcomes.

I think Hilton may have lost a step. He is still a menace on the blitz and against the run, but he’s not what he used to be in the most important thing: coverage. Especially when the opposing slot has any decent speed, he was kind of toast all year.

Getting anything at all for Hubbard or Pratt would be stellar. Maybe they can snag an extra late-round pick that can be used for trading up later. [let me hit the crack pipe once in a while]

If true, it’d represent a meaningful budge in their process. That’d be welcome, and completing the tasks of this offseason will be impossible otherwise.

I hope the FO is communicating with Tee and his agent. If they just dropped the tag plans without having a proper conversation and discussing their future plans, then I side with Tee again. Players hate the tag. That is true league-wide. The Bengals should know that and address it. Talk to people. You can’t make them hate it less, but you can voice your higher-level intentions/desires. If a long-term deal is the goal, then directly engage yesterday. That doesn’t somehow harm your leverage. If they did communicate and this is just more negotiation tactics (e.g., generating public unrest to add pressure), then who cares. Unfortunately, I doubt we’ll know until the process is over one way or another.

At least the showers and toilets work this time.

He does seem like he’d be right at home losing teeth as a hockey player.

I’m iffy on Adomitis. I thought he was part of the kicking problem in 2024. I suppose Simmons likes his continuity.

Trey’s stuck until 2026 anyway, but he’s going to want to be anywhere else if there’s no immediate extension. Shit sandwich.

A Panthers wide receiver jolts awake, gasping and in a cold sweat. He quickly sits up, or actually he does not, he tries, but it's no use. His body does not obey his commands. He is stuck to the bed and short of breath. He sees the digital clock display on his nightstand. 14:14 AM. That's when the sleep paralysis demon crawls on top of him, all its weight pressing him into the mattress. He tries to scream, but his mouth will not open. Another voice slips warmly into his ear. Don't be afraid. Let's just have fun and play together.