Stripes

Burrow continues to jam his wet-willied finger into Duke's and Katie's ears. Thanks, bae. Make them squirm.

Absolutely no reason the Bengals cannot be there in a year. They won't have an Eagles-caliber roster, but they don't have to. Give Joe Burrow a defense with a pulse and don't draft like total shit.

Ass whooping

First quarter isn’t a complete officiating disaster. Just a slight disaster.

I'll probably watch whatever 30% of it I am awake for in between naps.

Folks are just obsessed with running backs. Barkley getting OPOY is fine, but the MVP votes were stupid.

I hope the front office is walking around with dense diamond turds in their whitie-tighties after all of Burrow's blatant public nudging. Please, try to make him mad. You know what this fanbase will do. If he wants Tee, so do they. Or else.

“The Bengals win sometimes, therefore they do not engage in archaic practices.” This logic is nonsense. It could only work if the word “archaic” was defined as “doesn’t win”. Every front office has warts. Some of them hire morons (Jaguars). Some of them throw away their only good QB in ages and mortgage their future for a sexual predator (Browns). Some of them fail to manage personality in their locker room (Steelers). Some of them help the church cover up pedophiles (Saints). I could go on. At least one of them is old fashioned and historically slow to update their methods, sometimes to their own detriment (Bengals). If you want to protest the word “archaic”, your argument must be relevant to the word “archaic”. Demonstrate that they are not exceedingly old fashioned or slow to change.

Whatever criticisms we want to hurl upon the Bengals' front office, at least they didn't do this: https://apnews.com/article/new-orleans-saints-catholic-church-sex-abuse-77f92deb50e6333fa04a9db1897f8171

I don’t suspect the Browns would even entertain that phone call. But I’m in.

Having had the league’s smallest scouting department for ages is indeed “archaic”. It can be more easily overlooked when they make quality draft picks. *gestures to the last three seasons*

Since 2003, the Bengals have had three eras of success: Palmer in ‘05 and ‘09 (not in between) Dalton from ‘11 to ‘15 Burrow in ‘21 and ‘22 (arguably also the last two 9-8s; very arguably) The Palmer Bengals did not sustain success. The Dalton Bengals lost five consecutive playoff games. The Burrow Bengals climbed high and have since not sustained success. We can lazily say “they’ve won more than some other teams” and assume that means they’re doing everything right. Or we can recognize a problem and be critical. ”Winning more than some other teams” with two different elite quarterbacks in this time frame is falling below the standard.

Yeah, figured. It was a very dense group of top candidates this time, and Willie doesn't quite pass the "leave absolutely zero doubt whatsoever and be irrefutably the best to ever play your position" standard that applies to Cincinnati Bengals players. I am fairly certain Geno Atkins is going to get shafted too, and with less hope for an eventual stroke of luck than Willie. Hope I'm wrong.

Still deeply annoyed at the mindset that Chase needed to "demonstrate" that he was capable of an elite season as if 1) he didn't already do it as a rookie and 2) eyeballs weren't sufficient to determine what he was quite obviously capable of.

Pretty “funny” that we’re getting the absolute worst-case outcomes from the risky Erick All and Jermaine Burton selections. Sometimes risks backfire, so I’m not necessarily even hurling blame. Just sucks.

Three ugly win/loss statistics that concern me about Zac Taylor: 21-33-1 in one score games, including 4-2 playoffs 14-23 in games against AFC North opponents, including 1-0 playoffs 7-14-1 in September None of this is news to anyone. I just wanted to put them all in one place and despair a bit.

Go Eagles, I guess. I’m already bored. At least Jalen Hurts put that stupid “QBs that lose their first SB never return” stat, post-Jim Kelly, to sleep.

This is the only forum left where I don’t feel old.

I’m so glad I purchased a Cam Grandy all white alternates jersey to add to my existing Cam Grandy merchandise collection.

I cannot pretend to have an opinion about New OL Coach. Do good. Be good. Protect the Prince.

Pour the Ravens tears into a chalice so that I may drink of them.

Please die, Baltimore Ravens.

Lions are dead. I no longer care beyond "anyone but the Ravens". I would root for the Chiefs 20 times before the Ravens once.

The Lions running game makes my butthole pucker with desire.

I have truly never seen a team as lucky as the Mahomes Chiefs