Stripes

Assessment of the first three rounds: Positions selected — beautiful Players selected — eeeeehhhhhhhhh Could be worse.

If you want a guard, take Ratledge when he’s there. Such goofy process. Whatever, it was a dire need. I hope Fairchild has it.

Based upon everything I know about this player [nothing], I am absolutely and utterly whelmed. I am whelmed completely out of my ass. I can hardly bear to be so whelmed, oh my God, whelm me daddy, yes right there, mmmmmmmmm (I am fine with the pick, I guess. The defense sucks. He plays defense. Cool.)

The Watts prophecy just feels inevitable. Sanders gone

Shough before Sanders is great comedy.

Best prospects already evaporating! Woohoo!

You can definitely argue that Jaguars got one player for the price of two. I was never thrilled with the Travis Hunter hype. I think his two-way ability dramatically inflated his perceived value. He needs to be elite on one side or the other to be worthy of what the Jags paid to get him. If he is a "solid" or "above average" receiver and/or corner, that's not good enough. I've heard a lot of "being average at two positions is like being good at one position", and I think that's just completely wrong.

I expect nothing, but I’ll be happy to be proven wrong. I resist the tendency to talk myself into things if it feels like coping. Regardless, they have a plan and a vision, so we’ll see what happens. No point in screaming yet. I’ll let him play.

Emmanwori is probably my favorite there, though I’d be very surprised if he makes it to 49. Otherwise I’ll be reasonably easy to please this time. Ratledge, Winston, Johnson, Sanders, and Savaniiaea might round out my six. I will quietly hope it’s not Mike Green. He’s probably a good player, but I don’t want to root for that.

I foresee Watts.

Ravens take Starks. BAL and PIT draft good defenders, and we draft... well, we draft.

As usual, Steelers get someone I wanted.

The only way to top Myles Murphy's zero sacks is to record negative one sacks. Perhaps Stewart will accidentally sack Joe Burrow.

Knew they'd freaking do that. I am less than whelmed. Hopefully he figures out how to play football.

Bengals pick commercial break tradition never dies

Fuck you Cardinals

Ladies and gentlemen: The NFL draft

Would like: Nolen Harmon [edge not named Stewart or Green] Maybe Jihaad

Whelm me, daddy.

I think the only [likely] player that I would really dislike at 17 is Shemar Stewart. I would be iffy about Tyler Booker. They're the right positions, but I get skeeved by the players. It's a crapshoot anyway. Maybe they'll be all-pros.

Brown-Perine-Moss isn’t too bad. I don’t really view RB as a “need”, though I will take whatever in the late rounds.

Missing only JaThinkno Widereceiver

24-2 over the Orioles. I hope ol' semiotter didn't sit through that one.

I wonder if they intend to stick with “Commanders”. The new ownership seemed interested in another change at first.

I already shared two of them. Aaron Donald significantly outplayed Quinton Spain in the Super Bowl (2 sacks). Chris Jones significantly outplayed Cordell Volson and Max Scharping in the AFC Championship Game (2 sacks). These incidents ended deep playoff runs short of a Lombardi Trophy. The Bengals' best hopes in both games were effectively dashed on individual plays made by those two players (though they played well the entire game). The offense underperformed in both games (20 points and 305 yards; 20 points 309 total yards) despite fielding comparable skill talent and the same quarterback to the current team. You could also include the narrow playoff victory over the Titans when Jeffrey Simmons annihilated the IOL (3 sacks) in a losing effort if you can see beyond just W and L. Any assessment of play must inherently be subjective, but the offense's statistical outcomes are factual. Sack totals are factual. Cordell Volson, Cody Ford, and Lucas Patrick represent, on paper, comparable guard play to what those teams sent into the postseason, and those teams did so hampered by injury. That is, the current Bengals' guards resemble prior guard units after suffering injuries and resorting to depth. Lucas Patrick brings starting experience (so did Max Scharping). Cordell Volson is Cordell Volson. Cody Ford is worse than good Alex Cappa. He might be comparable to the injured Alex Cappa from 2024. Thus, I project a reasonably high probability (not certainty, but high enough probability to view this as a serious problem) of history repeating itself against strong IDL competition in a playoff game. This is not necessarily applicable to ALL opponents, but it's applicable to enough opponents. Chris Jones still exists. Travis Jones and Nnamdi Madubuike are in Baltimore. Cameron Heyward is in Pittsburgh. Suppose they get to Super Bowl 60. Jalen Carter is in Philadelphia. DJ Reader and Alim McNeill are in Detroit. Vita Vea is in Tampa Bay. This list is not exhaustive. Alright, now I really need to be done here. I shouldn't have even responded to this. You can choose to accept that a Bengals fan can have this concern without being "emotional", or you can continue to pretend only one fair opinion can exist. I leave that to you.