Stripes

Trey’s stuck until 2026 anyway, but he’s going to want to be anywhere else if there’s no immediate extension. Shit sandwich.

A Panthers wide receiver jolts awake, gasping and in a cold sweat. He quickly sits up, or actually he does not, he tries, but it's no use. His body does not obey his commands. He is stuck to the bed and short of breath. He sees the digital clock display on his nightstand. 14:14 AM. That's when the sleep paralysis demon crawls on top of him, all its weight pressing him into the mattress. He tries to scream, but his mouth will not open. Another voice slips warmly into his ear. Don't be afraid. Let's just have fun and play together.

I am much more optimistic, but I understand the gloom. We have conflicting evidence in recent years between the old and new Bengals, so something’s gotta give. Old Bengals: - Refuse to offer guaranteed money beyond year one - Fail to communicate effectively with players and piss them off for no reason - Employ three ***damn scouts and rely on the coaching staff to pick up the slack with all its inherent biases - Trust their own process to an unjustifiable degree and allow talent to walk. “We can cover that with mid-tier free agents and draft picks” AMPHAR was looking for evidence of the Bengals being behind the times before, so there are some obvious examples. However, there’s also evidence of things improving. New Bengals: - Multiple levels of stadium naming rights and mass sponsorships to significantly increase cash on-hand - Indoor practice bubble - Locker room renovation - Joe Burrow contract shattering previous standards and proving they can. Paying QBs isn’t new, but this was another level. - Active in free agency more than ever before from 2020-2024, including multiple major pickups (e.g., Reader, Hendrickson, and O. Brown) - Completely overhauled stadium experience via the Elizabeth Blackburn vision —————— This offseason is where the rubber meets the road, so to speak. They will have to change their norms again. You’re never going to take care of all of Tee Higgins, Ja’Marr Chase, and Trey Hendrickson without offering multiple years of guaranteed money (certainly not the receivers). You already annoyed all three of them one way or another with your communication practices, so you have to overcome yourself. You’ve stated your desire to do so. Put up or shut up, Bengals.

Extend him before free agency opens so you know exactly what your cap situation is.

You could also argue that risks are less necessary for a team with a force multiplier at QB and two deep playoff runs in recent memory. Draft solid, reliable players, maintain your own talent, and stay in contention. Save the roulette for drafts when you already suck.

I don’t fault them for the risk. That’s part of the deal in the draft. I would fault them for viewing such a risky prospect as a major piece in their future plans. That’s stupid.

Burton was definitely the plan. All he had to do was flash some meaningful upside and not be a moron, and the Bengals would have followed through. I think it was a crap plan just like Bates/Hill, but it was the plan. But then Burton Burtoned as hard as he possibly could. We’ll see. If that idiot actually motivates Tee’s extension, we might owe him a beer.

I think he’s gone if even his little toenail touches the free agency market. He’ll get some absurd offer the Bengals will never match. So the tag feels inevitable to me. I just hope they handle it the right way. That should be the easy part, but they continue to find ways to piss everyone off.

It doesn’t support or refute it. You want to talk about logic? It’s a non-sequitur. The Bengals could be the winningest franchise in the league, and it would still mean nothing with respect to the question “are they archaic?”. There are plenty of valid arguments that the Bengals are modern enough. You just chose a terrible one. Normally, I wouldn’t be a pedant, but you brought up logic and I couldn’t let that slide. Make better arguments if you’re going to say that.

Agreed. For instance, there’s some terrible logic necessary to argue that “The Bengals are modernized because they have won more games than some other teams”.

I think it was the plan, but Jermaine Burton being worse than useless has forced them to reconsider. I expect a second tag, but they may still try to get a proper extension done. Whatever they do, they’d better communicate with the player. Stop just doing things and expecting people to fall in line. Talk to them.

Burrow continues to jam his wet-willied finger into Duke's and Katie's ears. Thanks, bae. Make them squirm.

Absolutely no reason the Bengals cannot be there in a year. They won't have an Eagles-caliber roster, but they don't have to. Give Joe Burrow a defense with a pulse and don't draft like total shit.

Ass whooping

First quarter isn’t a complete officiating disaster. Just a slight disaster.

I'll probably watch whatever 30% of it I am awake for in between naps.

Folks are just obsessed with running backs. Barkley getting OPOY is fine, but the MVP votes were stupid.

I hope the front office is walking around with dense diamond turds in their whitie-tighties after all of Burrow's blatant public nudging. Please, try to make him mad. You know what this fanbase will do. If he wants Tee, so do they. Or else.

“The Bengals win sometimes, therefore they do not engage in archaic practices.” This logic is nonsense. It could only work if the word “archaic” was defined as “doesn’t win”. Every front office has warts. Some of them hire morons (Jaguars). Some of them throw away their only good QB in ages and mortgage their future for a sexual predator (Browns). Some of them fail to manage personality in their locker room (Steelers). Some of them help the church cover up pedophiles (Saints). I could go on. At least one of them is old fashioned and historically slow to update their methods, sometimes to their own detriment (Bengals). If you want to protest the word “archaic”, your argument must be relevant to the word “archaic”. Demonstrate that they are not exceedingly old fashioned or slow to change.

Whatever criticisms we want to hurl upon the Bengals' front office, at least they didn't do this: https://apnews.com/article/new-orleans-saints-catholic-church-sex-abuse-77f92deb50e6333fa04a9db1897f8171

I don’t suspect the Browns would even entertain that phone call. But I’m in.

Having had the league’s smallest scouting department for ages is indeed “archaic”. It can be more easily overlooked when they make quality draft picks. *gestures to the last three seasons*

Since 2003, the Bengals have had three eras of success: Palmer in ‘05 and ‘09 (not in between) Dalton from ‘11 to ‘15 Burrow in ‘21 and ‘22 (arguably also the last two 9-8s; very arguably) The Palmer Bengals did not sustain success. The Dalton Bengals lost five consecutive playoff games. The Burrow Bengals climbed high and have since not sustained success. We can lazily say “they’ve won more than some other teams” and assume that means they’re doing everything right. Or we can recognize a problem and be critical. ”Winning more than some other teams” with two different elite quarterbacks in this time frame is falling below the standard.

Yeah, figured. It was a very dense group of top candidates this time, and Willie doesn't quite pass the "leave absolutely zero doubt whatsoever and be irrefutably the best to ever play your position" standard that applies to Cincinnati Bengals players. I am fairly certain Geno Atkins is going to get shafted too, and with less hope for an eventual stroke of luck than Willie. Hope I'm wrong.

Still deeply annoyed at the mindset that Chase needed to "demonstrate" that he was capable of an elite season as if 1) he didn't already do it as a rookie and 2) eyeballs weren't sufficient to determine what he was quite obviously capable of.