Stripes

Lucas Patrick sounds fine. As the second FA guard. I am greedy.

Mina Kimes and Lord Dorkus McBabyface like our receiver extensions. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckEiC5G-P6A (begins at 2:25) Who cares, obviously, but it's refreshing to see some positivity.

I kind of expect and/or want this: R1-3 — two defenders and a guard R4-6 — three defenders Maybe add a little extra OT depth, but you get the idea.

I didn’t watch the first one. I’m sure I’ll be sucked in to this though.

Big news just now from the Bengals app. Apparently Chase and Higgins were both extended! I hope I am getting a notification on Thursday about today’s guard signing.

I'm resigned to edge rusher being solely a draft priority (even if I'm not thrilled). It's looking to me like the DL will be: Edge - Hendrickson (pending), Ossai, C. Johnson, Murphy, Sample, [high draft pick] Interior - Hill, Jenkins, Jackson, Slaton, [possibly draft pick] Murphy continues to stand out as the obvious WHY in this group, but maybe he'll finally shut me up with more opportunities.

33% Burrow 33% Burton being a dipshit 33% crappy free agents 1% Stripes on bengalszone.com (I did this)

Chase $40.25M APY Higgins $28.75M APY Both slightly lower than I expected (but still substantial).

There you go.

It's Sunday. The lights are out.

I feel trolled about all the present progressive tense. "are finalizing" "are closing in on" Can a man get some past tense? (I realize this is unreasonable on my part, but let me bitch)

I suspect the Bengals have been hesitant to commit to another significant FA signing with Chase/Higgins in progress (which is an absolutely crap excuse). Maybe if those wrap up immediately they’ll do something. They know their cap situation now.

To be less of a curmudgeon... I said a few years ago that the Bengals had the building blocks in place to model themselves after the Colts of the '00s, and that can still be an extremely apt parallel if/when the two receivers get finished. It's kind of all in place unless they really do trade Hendrickson (when my curmudgeonry will return). Burrow --> Manning Chase --> Harrison Higgins --> Wayne Gesicki --> Clark Hendrickson --> Freeney What they still lack is a secondary enforcer like Bob Sanders and the unbelievable pass-blocking offensive line anchored by Jeff Saturday and Tarik Glenn (and that's just never happening here). You can argue they also lack Tony Dungy and Edgerrin James (though the latter was already gone when they won the Super Bowl). But I think it can still be a championship formula, especially given that Burrow is proving himself to have Manning-like abilities in the regular season without his weird playoff disasters.

The asking price in trade talks should be reasonably consistent with the offer in contract talks.

It would be too much to say I was “expecting” more, but I was certainly desiring more. I want an offseason consistent with Duke Tobin’s own pledge to take care of the big three and also add to the team. I want a free agency period that at least attempts to shore up holes in the roster before the draft. They have no proven starting guard. They have an anemic pass rush, and if Trey is traded they may have the worst pass rush in the league. They have no interior pass rusher. Neither Cam Sample nor Joseph Ossai has demonstrated that they can be reliable starters on the edge. They still have a problem at starting linebacker (Pratt). The team is not getting better unless their young players develop. That could happen, but banking on it to happen has routinely failed this franchise. The draft can help, but they’re cornered into drafting major needs if they don’t sign some free agents. That leads to reaching (Billy Price) and increases the probability of failed replacements (Ogbuehi for Whitworth, Jonah Williams for Whitworth, Dax Hill for Bates, Jordan Battle for Bates — TBD on Jenkins/Jackson for Reader). Now we’re looking at the draft to replace Cappa, possibly to replace a first-team all pro edge rusher, and acquire even one interior pass rusher. They’re locked into these needs in the first few rounds to remain afloat OR they’re taking them late and almost guaranteeing a worse roster than 2024. It’s bad process. There’s no guarantee that free agents solve these problems, but you have to try. Set yourself up for success. Zeitler was worth a go. Scherff is worth a go. Jenkins is worth a go. Bare minimum. If there’s no decent guard signing soon, it’s a failure. Banking on a draft pick and/or Cody Ford is a terrible process. And get some insurance for Hendrickson regardless of where that drama leads (might be too late for this one, though an elder statesman like Calais Campbell would be better than nothing). They have enough cap space. They have enough cash on hand.

Hard to say since Jenkins failed as a tackle. But I am definitely on board now. Get a damned guard. Cody Ford doesn’t count.

Jeff Ruby’s > Arby’s in Heath, OH > microwaved family-size Stouffer’s macaroni and cheese > Cheesecake Factory

Probably pissed I didn’t show up after a little Tinder catfishing.

I doubt Perine makes any meaningful difference. But he’s fine. I don’t figure any of these signings really moves the needle. Slaton could if he works out. Gimme a guard.

PFF seems to hate Slaton. So I’m on board.

“Legal tampering” opens in six hours. Do something that doesn’t make me want to claw my eyes out just to relieve the boredom.

Statistically, Metcalf is much like Tee, but with fewer games missed. I think they’re stylistically similar too (big bodied contested catch types), though DK is faster. I don’t think anyone is giving Tee a five year deal, but the average will be close.

DK Metcalf to PIT in a trade 5yr, $150 million deal $30 million per Tee is watching.

She is a frequenter of the tweeterverse. She often comments about her son's various situations.

Hey. My taint has never been evicted.