Stripes

Kiss my ASS refs

Look at my boys running the football.

I hate Fox broadcasts.

I have performed the blood sacrifice upon the Orange Altar. I have arranged the bones into the shape of a Cleveland Brown. I have inserted ten needles into the hair doll spiritually bonded to Myles Garrett. My Joe Burrow shrunken head observed all. May it be enough to earn victory against a bad team in Week One.

Also, Ted’s “right up yours, Tennessee, fuck you” tirade is one of my favorite Bengals moments of all time.

Glad to get more Ted. He’s just the kinda dude you like to root for. I also get a little annoyed by some of the broader fanbase obsession with Matt Lee when he has never actually done a single thing.

Hasn't this team already disrupted my balls enough?

Football Underperformance Can Kill. Beware of FUCK.

There's also the inevitable factor that the Bengals and Browns are routinely incapable of playing in normal football games against one another. The Battle of Ohio is the weirdest series of football in the league. Kelly Holcomb 5 TDs in a loss weird.

I could see the defense "surprising" just for week one given that the Browns may be fielding the least talented offense in the league. But if they play well, I won't really view it as a signal of anything. The offense absolutely must play up to par. Myles Garrett and Denzel Ward still exist.

I hope she shakes the opposing coach's hand in Bill's stead post-game. Maybe block him from the press conference too and speak on his behalf.

Peppers is probably the better player by a decent margin at this point. I'm not holding my breath either way, but we'll see. They've been more proactive than usual lately.

At first I read this as “A BJ”, and I didn’t bat an eye.

Gonna get in my time machine and tell the Bengals fanbase of 1995 that in 30 years, the Dallas Cowboys will be a demonstrably worse-run franchise than the Cincinnati Bengals.

Now I need to find that guy on Twitter that told me in no uncertain terms that the Bengals did not have the cap space to pay Chase, Tee, Trey, AND sign a starting-level guard. Unfortunately, I will absolutely not do that. For someone with 23,000 posts on a forum called "Bengalszone", I do have something resembling a life.

Good. He didn't seem to be assured a starting role, which is fair. He has enough time to demonstrate his value before week 1.

The Ravens cut CB Armour-Davis. I think he might be worth a flier for the back-end CB room and a little Baltimore intel.

That's a bit surprising. I'm fine with it though. I thought Adomitis was a bigger problem than McPherson last year.

Sprawled on the couch butt naked and letting my stink permeate the living room. (I usually flip between home Burrow and away Chase jerseys depending upon the game. If I am feeling extra zesty, I have been known to wrap Bengals flag around my shoulders like a cape and take it into sports bars.)

I just called my pastor weeping. He was also weeping when he picked up.

As much fun as it is to laugh at Mikey's moles, I think it's pretty easy to find worse owners these days (even if we attribute the actions of his daughter and son-in-law to him).

I haven’t been sure how to describe it, but I think I figured out how the Hendrickson deal makes me feel. It feels just like a Bengals game ending in a tie.

I’m not sure it makes much sense to me from a process perspective. But at least the matter is closed for the next twelve minutes.

There's no better way to realize the prophecy of resolving Trey's 2025 contract dispute and preparing for Trey's 2026 contract dispute.

Gee, I wonder why the entire league passed on him four and a half times.