COB

Best chicken lip and dick pizza you could find anywhere in 1970. I think that’s how we ordered it.

Shakey’s was great. Not everyone in my family like pizza so my mom would sneak MacDonald’s cheeseburgers in her purse and we would absolutely house a couple pizzas and some crapdonalds. Pretty healthy lifestyle we had there.

“Cincinnati Redsuh, wha happenduh? How you lose to the Pissburt Piratesuhh?”

1. Linearity of Differentiation 2. How to shape shift into a raccoon whenever I want. (It’s not pretty, I did it one time at a campground in Lawrence, Kanas, and one guy who witnessed it killed himself while I was still in raccoon form. It’s horrible). 3. Adagio in D Minor by Johan Sebastian Bach, for the piano. I’ll guarantee you none of those GMs know it. I played it for my 8th grade recital. Fucking prodigy. At least I thought I was until Diu Jiang stepped up right after me and played Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata and made me sound like the player piano at Shakey’s Pizza. I actually wanted to quit the piano after that but my dad made me play one more year. Ok, that’s just a sampling of what I know that those humorless dullards sitting in the 32 NFL GM chairs don’t know. Wait was this question even for me? Zeke can drop anchor and stone a charging Cape Buffalo. He’s a freak. And he’s still a short yardage and goal line battering ram. Open field? Dude’s got some mileage, it shows. But Mixon never even saw the field in the second half of the AFC title game because he just can’t pass block. This offense at this point in time? I’ll probably take the blocker and hope we draft a young RB who can be a threat on first and second down. Though if Mixon takes a haircut, send him to blocking school and roll with him one more year.

I have not accepted that 12 million figure. This offense is not married to this dude. The FO has changed the way they do things, and with all the emphasis on free agents these last three years I can easily see them embracing the other side of that coin - freeing up cap room with contract redo or straight up cutting a guy.

Zeke is an outstanding pass blocker. Dude’s a fire hydrant.

Jonah Williams has a lot of nerve complaining about the Brown signing. He gave up more sacks than any left tackle in the league last year. After that signing, he should be grateful the Bengals are laying out the red carpet for a career reset for him at another position. A lot of teams would handle it differently.

Drew Sample can be a contributor. He has been in the past. His draft spot now is irrelevant. It’s truly what he can contribute and what he costs. We need TE depth so this dude fits the bill.

I have not heard of any movement on Sample. He’s a free agent, that’s all I’ve heard about him. I had to go to Wikipedia to learn anything about Drew Sample.

That is true and I think it’s what is pulling these guys to us. They see a stint on a good team like the Bengals as the way to a multi year deal that they currently can’t pull. Worked for Hayden Hurst.

Usually, we draft a lineman, start him for years on his rookie deal while he totally sucks, then his second team ends up benching then cutting him. It would be progress for us to just bench/cut our own draft miss for once.

Is that The Muffin Man playing in the background of that vid?

This is where an agent helps. He can shop this dude around as follows: “available - one of the worst left tackles in football, gave up the most sacks of any left tackle in the league last year, come and get it.” Then when he inevitably gets stiff armed at every turn. He can have a frank conversation with his client regarding what the market thinks of him as a LT versus a RT or G. Unless the player is just stupid in a way that permits him to engage in self- defeating behavior, he’ll come around. If he doesn’t come around, once reality is presented in bold type, he’s just not too swift.

Dude needs an agent. He’s costing himself millions, possibly tens of millions.

I know what you mean. Mike’s like, “honor your word,” especially if a player has been a good soldier, ie has not complained about the facility, amenities, management, etc.

Mixon’s camp has to: A. Believe that being unconditionally released is a very real possibility if he doesn’t agree to redo his deal. B. Have his agent do some homework to determine his value on the open market. Only if the above two conditions are met will Mixon consider taking less $. I can’t tell if the Bengals are putting on a push for this or not.

The safety we wanted from Philly, Gardner-Johnson, signed with Detroit, 1 year, 8 million. The Lions trying to challenge our status as the regional capital of the prove-it deal.

Good thinking. You should be an agent. Or a lawyer. side note: it looks like Dan Snyder’s reign of belligerent incompetence is coming to an end. Pretty clear the Washington team will have a new owner very soon.

The owners absolutely collude. In this case I do think there is some collusion but not an all-in agreement. More like an unspoken thing, they all understand that 100% guarantees are bad for them. The union should negotiate the following - do away with the rule that requires ownership to put into escrow the full amount that is guaranteed under these giant contracts. (Signed, Mike Brown).

Titans supposedly very intetested.

Kaepernick was the most egregious example of collusion. By demanding a fully guaranteed deal Lamar has handed the owners just enough for them to have plausible deniability. The owners couldn’t even deny it with Kaepernick. They quietly paid him off. If I were Lamar’s agent I’d target several teams, wait until there is a week left in his offer window, then notify them I’ve moved off fully guaranteed deal, let the offers roll in. I’d also let the Ravens know you’d better not match it, I have no interest or intent to play in Baltimore ever again. He’ll end up with the second most guaranteed money ever (behind Watson), and with enough money that he won’t even know what to do with it all. To sun it all up, more than anything, Lamar just needs an agent.

True, but where else is that turd gonna go?

The cupboard’s pretty bare on guys who can clean these gutters, which are in dire need. Never mind, I just got a text from Jonah Williams.

Also, that 12 million salary is viewed as a great deal by potential trade partners. That CBA and it’s price controlled first contracts is a huge factor in roster management these days, can’t overstate it.

Holy shit, Ian Rapaport, a very reliable source, says in regards to Jonah trade: “There’s definitely some interest and I could see a deal happening very soon.” I DEMAND a second round pick and a player. Tackles are very hard to come by these days, even marginally competent guys (55th in ESPN’s pass block win rate last season, I think that qualifies as marginally competent.)