COB

Anon owner 12 - All good thoughts gentlemen. The subscription thing makes sense. But here’s a twist that we will want to implement asap: NFL NEURALINK We put on a great show during our season. But we all talk about how unfair it is that downstream media profits from our league year round. When Jeff from Paducah calls in to his local am sports talk show to talk about the Titans, how fair is it that we aren’t directly compensated for that? It’s completely unfair. The solution is NFL NEURALINK. Fans get a NEURALINK chip installed in their skull. Elon has already shown that thinking about NFL football produces a very identifiable brain wave signature. The NEURALINK chip has the fan’s credit card pre-loaded onto it. Any time the fan thinks about NFL football, we charge them immediately. This is just taking the subscription model and advancing it one step to allow us to be paid what we deserve. Just picture our future. A super fan sits at a game, he has a large NEURALINK chip implanted in his skull, we’re charging his credit card during the whole game. The CBS camera pans to him before a timeout. He’s got his face and right arm painted team colors (missing his left arm, eaten by his favorite team’s owner). He sees the camera, the intensity of his thoughts increases, and so do the charges we levy on his credit card. It’s a brave new world, gentlemen. A world in which we will finally, FINALLY, be fairly compensated for the product we put out, not 18 weeks a year, but 24/7, 365.

Anon owner 11 - “I’m a yes on eating the poor. But we do it on a subscription basis. We get their credit card number, we charge them monthly. But wait, we kill them and eat them, sure we get 6 months or so of charging their card, but then someone notices and that’s the end of that. Not acceptable. So with my method, we 1. Eat the poor, 2. Make them pay us to do it, and 3. Get several years of subscription out of each customer. How, you ask? We make it an incremental thing. We eat them piece by piece. Like we eat just a hand or a foot in season 1. We keep charging them monthly. We raise the amount every 3 months. Next season we eat a huge chunk of their thigh. They can still go to work and we keep charging them. The overall lesson gentlemen is this: Subscription. It’s the absolute best way to maximize revenue.”

Anon owner 10 - “100% yes here on eating the poor. So I’m thinking maybe it’s a dynamic pricing model, wherein we can, say, charge them more if we eat them during the season? And it’s extra if they want to designate which team’s owner eats them?”

Anon owner 9 - “I get it, I’m onboard with eating the poor, but it’s not clear to me how we’ll charge them for it.”

Anon owner 8 - “You know, the poor on this earth are a finite resource. So while we could sustain ourselves, you know, grinding the poor up and eating them, they wouldn’t last forever. I want everyone in this chat to think about that.”

Anon owner 7 - “Mike, give your phone to Katie.”

Anon owner 6 - “I’m broadcasting from my hand TV. Is this Facebook?”

Anon owner 5 - “Kind of random but all I can think of all day, every day, is the phrase, ‘kill or be killed,’ I fall asleep to it. It’s like an involuntary mantra. Someone help me.”

Anon owner 4- “Roger, your claim that there are no longer off shore tax havens does not hold water. Here’s our plan. We find an island nation that’s already a legitimate part of the international banking system. We buy the whole fucking country, lock, stock, and barrel. We have all our broadcast rights payments sent there. We all pay zero tax in our country, and we funnel the rinsed money back to ourselves through fake companies that can’t be audited. Musk and Thiel are already doing this. We’re behind the curve, really.

Anon owner 3 - “Roger, I’d like a full report on the feasibility of my idea to have our broadcast rights paid in crypto delivered to off shore accounts.”

Anon owner 2 - “Guys, I’m literally sitting on a pile of money. I do this every year before the season. Keeps me grounded.”

Anon Owner 1: “I loved my favorite week of the season, preseason game 3. Watching the prize offspring of the proletariat absolutely kill each other in a vain attempt to make make my roster. Delicious.”

Roger Goodell: “Gentlemen! Enjoy your week off. What’s everyone up to? Workin hard or hardly workin? Heh.”

Is the season here yet? WTF. These billionaire owners have to take a week off to do what? I don’t know. We get stuck watching MegaCorp University beat up on Devry Branch Campus Muncie. It’s fucking bullshit. Start the season. Starting a new thread.

If they make it without getting grabbed by another team I can see all 3 of these guys ending up on the team at some point this season.

He got an “impressive bloodline.” Is this dude a football player or a thoroughbred race horse? His mom played basketball at Northwestern, his dad was Secretariot.

I was under the impression they had already learned that lesson. Remember how they were drafting guys who were team captains, team first, blah blah blah. I guess they blew that up with that idiot receiver we wasted a pick on. unrelated - just saw the Steelers 53. They kept all 4 quarterbacks on the roster. I don’t know if that’s unprecedented, but it seems like a lot of quarterbacks! After watching Johnson play for us, I would not have complained if we’d rostered him somehow. Like stash a TE on the practice squad. It is easy to see Flacco getting injured. I hope not but it’s a real possibility.

I forgot the league enlarged the practice squads. I think we get 16 players now on the practice squad, ten guys in their first or second years BUT 6 guys can be veterans with unlimited experience. We had pretty good depth this training camp, so even though we’ll try to stash guys I bet a couple will get snagged onto other rosters.

Bill just cut Geno Stone.

On a similar note, I don’t think Cody Ford found a home yet. Couch until we get an injury? Sorry, Army, it’s lining up that way!

I hate to see Mitch Tinsley go but Meyers forced his way into that receiver room and someone had to go. Hopefully Tinsley won’t end up in the AFC North. I can see the Chiefs grabbing him.

McBlownassignment. McFelldownincoverage.

I was really hoping we could add to the all-NFL cool name roster this year when I saw they signed Matthew McDoom. Alas, he didn’t show much last night and is likely gone.

Agree on Brooks. Doesn’t seem to have the burst he showed in college. In our offense you absolutely have to be a running back who can effectively block. If he’s good on teams and can block, that’s the only way he sticks.

Bimzelx- you’ll be back, but watch out for those suicidal thoughts and behavior!