COB

I wonder if Tampa Bay knows what they’re getting with Bodysuit. The PTSD I have from watching her boyfriend play football last year is conveniently offset by the endorphin tsunami I experience whenever I think of her in that orange onesie.

Classic. Sadly, it is true.

Any objective analysis would 100% tell Mike to sell the team. What capital do they really have embedded in that business? Compared to the price they’ll get for the business, almost none. They basically own a media production company that is very dependent on 31 other media production companies to help them put on 17 or 20 or 21 shows a year. Ultimately that’s all it is. i think they own the practice facility beside the stadium. They have a lease for the stadium, but that stadium is publicly owned. That lease can be broken. They own some equipment and a license to participate in the nfl. The ridiculous pile of money they could get for that company to then invest it across a broad spectrum of businesses through the stock market is mind-boggling. If you take Mike’s ego out of it, take the fun of owning an NFL franchise out of it, remove the cachet that it provides your extended family, owning an NFL franchise, good God just sell that thing. I can really think of one franchise in the NFL that sits there and is operated specifically to make money for the owner and his family. Ours. Every other team is a vanity project for a mega, wealthy person, a part of a larger sports team owning conglomerate, or a centerpiece for a marketing and manufacturing operation like the Dallas Cowboys for instance. The closest thing to our outfit are the Raiders and the Bears. But they are both in much larger markets, and have modernized operations well beyond just employing family members and their friends/associates.

AJ Green was the best at catching the ball. Dude just caught anything and everything thrown his way.

I’m at a gigantic 4th of July get together with my 4 sisters and their families. /Irish goodbye intensifies/

BW3 has my loyalty. 15 bone in wings m, Mango habanero, and fries.

I’m a dedicated Giant Eagle shopper. It has always kind of bugged me that they are based in Pittsburgh, that’s how much I hate the Steelers. So today’s news that megacorp Kroger is buying Giant Eagle, while probably not great news for consumers, has eased my mind a little. There are these two strange rubber glasses, like drinking glasses, on the shelf at my Giant Eagle. They have a pretty cool Bengals logo on them. They are $25 each. Comical, really. I check on them every time I shop, since they first appeared about a year ago. I complained to the manager at the service desk and he said well you know anything with an NFL team on it is expensive like that. Right.

I can see them signing a LB vet during or after camp. They say they’re set at LB but they can’t be that delusional.

This off season truly is dull. I went to visit my mother at her assisted-living facility yesterday. When I was leaving the same old guy, who is always there, was sitting at the nurses station. And as always, he mean, mugged me like he’s a menace to society or something. Dude’s probably in his 90s. He’s done it to me pretty much every time I’ve walked through there. He probably has dementia. He has sort of that vacant look and he never ever speaks to anyone. I’m 99% sure he has dementia. Nonetheless, I mean, don’t fuck with me. So when I was leaving, I just blatantly locked eyes with him. I walked the 7 or 8 steps right towards him and he finally averted his gaze when I was just a few feet away. Make of that what you will. I don’t know what it says about me, but yes, I backed down a 95-year-old dementia patient in my mother’s assisted living facility. I will answer the obvious question before anyone even asks it. No, he was not in a wheelchair. He does use a walker though.

There actually were potatoes in the hash I ordered (brunch menu).

Happy Father’s Day to all, we probably only have fathers in here.

Just had lunch with my two daughters, enjoyed it so much.

In a store, seriously considering shoplifting a bunch of shit out of here.

They need time off to read all the articles describing how great they’re going to be this year. Just saw one - headline: “Joe Burrow Has Flahbacks to LSU’s 2019 Juggernaut With 2026 Bengals.” Is that good when you tell teams how great they’re are before they even play? I’m being glib. It is not good.

“I’m back for another year, ‘bout year two gazillion, but nobody givin’ me a new title.” - Mike’s Golf Cart

I just read Dehner’s latest in which he sucks off the Brown family for joining the 21st century (though Burrow should be the one he’s thanking, without his pressure tactics it does not happen). He says don’t hold your breath for any big moves with this extra money. It’s just for the usual “practice squad elevations, injury contingencies and reserves.” So, yes. The Rookie Pool remains undefeated.

Heh. And you reminded me of the patriots’ weak schedule last year. As they headed into the playoffs I recall some media saying they hadn’t beaten anyone with a winning record, or had only played a few teams with winning records, something like that. Then they got handled.

“Start Fast” might be the topic of the pre-season. There are a finite number of things to talk about in the spring and summer. Our normal ranting was derailed when, somehow, the family didn’t tell any players they could go eat cake. So that leaves us with early start, Burrow as fashion icon, and Arby’s.

My latest email to the Bengals (so far unanswered): Dear Whatever Descendant of Paul Brown is reading this: Once again, I’m providing you with free advice. Pay heed. Your Jumbotron game is lacking. Here is a Jumbotron idea you won’t be able to resist - You take that scene from Full Metal Jacket where Animal Mother is blabbing to the other grunts. You superimpose Mike’s face over Animal Mother’s face. You change the blasted up Vietnam scenery in the background to blasted up Minarets so we’ve time traveled from ‘Nam to the current Iran conflict. Scene: Mike: (animal mother’s voice, you use the actual audio from the movie until the end, when you low-tech dub Mike’s scratchy old man voice saying the last word) “Freedom? You'd better flush out your head, new guy. This isn't about freedom; this is a slaughter. If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, my word is ‘ARBY’S.’” Presumably, the crowd will go wild. If you are motivated, interface with Arby’s corporate (a random collection of Chuds) and get free roast beef sandwich coupons to give to all the fans. Put Mike’s smiling face on the coupons with a text bubble that has him saying, “Getting my balls blown off for Arby’s!” If you are worried about your fans suffering a series of mini-strokes when they consume Arby’s roast beef and the attendant gazzilion miligrams of salt, don’t be. We can take it. Signed, your number 1 fan, COB

Does BA (as he refers to himself in his rant) realize the Niners could just trade him to an AFC team they don’t play this year? They could basically trade him and play against him once in the next 3 or 4 years. CTE might be creeping on this dude. Pass!

Nice. In a related development, The copy of “Modern NFL Roster Management for Dummies”, (by Chinese AI), is missing from the school library that Mike’s youngest grandson attends.

Reading this thread made me realize something - I’m getting Arby’s for lunch today.

Please let this all come true.

You should visit The Villages down in central Florida.

Jesus.