COB

I just read Dehner’s latest in which he sucks off the Brown family for joining the 21st century (though Burrow should be the one he’s thanking, without his pressure tactics it does not happen). He says don’t hold your breath for any big moves with this extra money. It’s just for the usual “practice squad elevations, injury contingencies and reserves.” So, yes. The Rookie Pool remains undefeated.

Heh. And you reminded me of the patriots’ weak schedule last year. As they headed into the playoffs I recall some media saying they hadn’t beaten anyone with a winning record, or had only played a few teams with winning records, something like that. Then they got handled.

“Start Fast” might be the topic of the pre-season. There are a finite number of things to talk about in the spring and summer. Our normal ranting was derailed when, somehow, the family didn’t tell any players they could go eat cake. So that leaves us with early start, Burrow as fashion icon, and Arby’s.

My latest email to the Bengals (so far unanswered): Dear Whatever Descendant of Paul Brown is reading this: Once again, I’m providing you with free advice. Pay heed. Your Jumbotron game is lacking. Here is a Jumbotron idea you won’t be able to resist - You take that scene from Full Metal Jacket where Animal Mother is blabbing to the other grunts. You superimpose Mike’s face over Animal Mother’s face. You change the blasted up Vietnam scenery in the background to blasted up Minarets so we’ve time traveled from ‘Nam to the current Iran conflict. Scene: Mike: (animal mother’s voice, you use the actual audio from the movie until the end, when you low-tech dub Mike’s scratchy old man voice saying the last word) “Freedom? You'd better flush out your head, new guy. This isn't about freedom; this is a slaughter. If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, my word is ‘ARBY’S.’” Presumably, the crowd will go wild. If you are motivated, interface with Arby’s corporate (a random collection of Chuds) and get free roast beef sandwich coupons to give to all the fans. Put Mike’s smiling face on the coupons with a text bubble that has him saying, “Getting my balls blown off for Arby’s!” If you are worried about your fans suffering a series of mini-strokes when they consume Arby’s roast beef and the attendant gazzilion miligrams of salt, don’t be. We can take it. Signed, your number 1 fan, COB

Does BA (as he refers to himself in his rant) realize the Niners could just trade him to an AFC team they don’t play this year? They could basically trade him and play against him once in the next 3 or 4 years. CTE might be creeping on this dude. Pass!

Nice. In a related development, The copy of “Modern NFL Roster Management for Dummies”, (by Chinese AI), is missing from the school library that Mike’s youngest grandson attends.

Reading this thread made me realize something - I’m getting Arby’s for lunch today.

Please let this all come true.

You should visit The Villages down in central Florida.

Jesus.

If reincarnation and karma are real, who was Jared Verse in a previous life to deserve this?

I wondered what kind of event you meant. Looked it up and Grossi is doing a visit to all the nfl stadiums and using it as a fundraiser for a children’s hospital. What a strange thing these days, to see a minor celebrity whose only agenda is to be a decent human being.

The coaches loved Cody Ford at the end of the ‘24 season, I think it was. A lot of quotes about how versatile he was, could step in at a moment’s notice, etc. He kind of fell out of favor in ‘25 though.

I enjoyed the occasional burst of speed back in the day. I drive like a grandpa now. My dad was an unrepentant speeder. When I was 19 he lost his license (multiple speeding tickets then a dui). He drove anyway, and one morning got in a big chase with the Ohio State Patrol, and defied the odds and escaped.

Also missing this year - annual squabble over rookie contracts, the terms of which are largely dictated by the CBA, but just enough gray area for the Brown family to find something to stonewall over. Must be something in the air this year.

Aaron Rogers back with the Steelers. This dude has about worn out his welcome. The Steelers mishandling of the quarterback position has been a joy to watch. Letting Ben have the job those last couple years - mistake. Everything since then - mistake. Hiring a proven QB developer like McCarthy then giving him no one to develop - mistake. I hope we sweep the Steelers and we actually might.

I ate spam as a kid, don’t think I’ve had it since I was about 17.

Like Whataburger? I worship Whataburger. If you can, check out their Dr. Pepper milkshake. It randomly appears on their menu for a few months, disappears for a year, then shows up again. It’s basically the crack of fast food. And fast food is the crack of food. So it’s food crack to the 2nd power. Good luck once you try a Dr Pepper milkshake. It takes over a significant portion of your brain and thereafter you function at about 70% of what you were before. But even though your cognitive abilities are compromised, and you’ll legally qualify as mentally disabled, it’s still pretty much worth it.

In a place like Madrid, where the universe is askew, has been tilted on its axis by virtue of no Arby’s anywhere even close, can Joe burrow even be expected to win a football game? We’re sending our boy over to bizarro world and expecting him to just sling it? This is a direct message to Arby’s: Attention Arby’s Overlords who control 17% of all American life, restore order to the universe, immediately build ten Arby’s in Madrid so the Bengals have a fighting chance against the Falcons.

I looked it up and the Madrid area has zero Arby’s. In a cruel plot twist, there are 200 Burger King locations in Madrid.

Possible Whataburger location though, looking into it.

Seriously considering going to Madrid for that game.

“Bengals president Mike Brown is..” 1. “on life support, and a retired army medic who works for the VA has been seen lurking around the plug.” 2. “confirmed to be the father of both Diana Russini’s children.” 3. “suing the Cleveland Clinic after he discovered he is the unwitting subject of a million dollar clandestine medical study entitled: ‘Holy Shit, Did You See These Fucking Liver Spots?’”

At least they brought in a depth guy who has a couple years in the league, has been through a season. It is startling, the way the bengals drafted two linebackers and just stubbornly started them as rookies. Two rookies, side by side, starting a whole nfl season. As the kids would say, make it make sense.

I assume Bozeman will be depth and a probable special teams guy.