COB

Zac Taylor master class. Use all your timeouts early so you can’t stop the clock while the other team is salting the game away.

Mike Brown accepts mediocrity. Zac Taylor embodies mediocrity.

Fire Zac Taylor. This team is never ready to play. He’s just not a head coach. If he wants to call plays so badly and burnish his reputation as some sort of offensive savant, let him get a job as an OC somewhere.

Mike knows so much more than everyone else about football, he’ll see that change is futile. Run the whole staff back.

Our tackle set up for a short drop, our QB took a deep drop, their end just ran around our guy. New coaching staff needed.

Why do you throw on 3rd and 1 when you need to run the clock? You are in a last possession situation. Zac Taylor absolutely has no feel for momentum or situational football. It’s why he loses close games.

There’s our Russel Wilson!

Active: Colleen Wolf on the NFL Network. Best sports journalist ever.

Well things are officially not going my way these days. That buckeye game was just another load of shit on the shit pile. TJ Watt is probably setting a world record for steroid consumption this week and will drop about 50 sacks on us tomorrow. Jesus fucking Christ.

Proof the NFL is the toughest sport to bet: Pertinent betting info as the Steelers come to Cincinnati on Sunday: Bengals are 1-4 at home. Steelers are 4-2 on the road. Bengals are 4-7 on the year and are drifting into Palookaville. Next stop; irrelevance. Steelers are 8-3 on the year, leading the division and are certainly a playoff team. Bengals head coach is an uninspiring technocrat who doesn’t understand situational football. He’s an offensive coordinator. Face: often looks bewildered, mouth somewhat hangs open. Steelers head coach is a poser who somehow actually gets the best out of his players. Biggest accomplishment is kept the saddle cinched up on Ben Roethlisberger as he rode him to a Super Bowl win. Since then he’s been posing for the cameras. Face: eminently punchable, keep the mirrored aviators as a souvenir. All this to point out that the bengals are 3 point favorites in this game. Just makes no sense.

Zac took notes on that bears end of game clock management. Coming to a bengals loss near you.

Steelers suck, we seriously need to win this game. That game they lost to the Browns revealed that Russel Wilson is not as great as the media would have us believe. He looked pretty mortal. We’ll see what he can do when he’s dealing with Hendrickson(triple teamed), Hubbard(blocked by the equipment guy), and our defensive backfield(running in random directions, sometimes AWAY from open receivers).

It’s creamed corn season so if you go to Golden Corral you better get there before I do (meaning I’ll eat all the creamed corn before you even arrive).

I wasn’t clear, I meant I am pessimistic. This team can only beat bad teams. They don’t start games well and they don’t end games well. Not a recipe for success.

Pessimistic.

Just looked at the tv map to see what games we’d be getting in central Ohio today. All I can say is Jesus fucking Christ I am tired of seeing the Chiefs. They’re on every week. Thankfully they’re the early game on CBS, and FOX mercifully decided to give us Detroit vs Indy in the same time slot. Love watching Detroit so thank you FOX! Fox late game is SF vs Green Bay, with FOX show pony Tom Brady trying and failing to be a relatable, normal, human. We see a lot of SF as well but with the way they’re staggering around this year they’re pretty fun to watch.

It was a great game. Myles Garrett is on another level.

I salute the Thursday night football producer who keeps showing these fat drunk Browns fans with their shirts off. They’ll all have pneumonia in a week.

I want the Sanders kid to go to the Browns, Deion will interfere and destabilize the whole thing.

Season ending injury to miss the second half of his last college season? Sounds like our kind of guy!

I’ve thought about how much respect Belichick shows the Brown family. If there is one person that could actually make our drafting worse, it’s Bellichick.

So Zac says we’re close, no changes. Mike Brown found his ultimate coach, he’ll be here forever.

When he gets two or three steps he’s a load, not easy to bring down. I enjoyed watching him. It’s fun to see him have success.

Man, Mixon is having a great game against the cowboys. Amazing how good he looks when first contact isn’t behind the LOS.

My recent interview with Mike Cob: “Thank you for meeting with me Mr. Brown.” MB: “My pleasure. Call me Mike, please.” Cob: “Very well, Mike. When I look back on my life, I feel as though I am looking into a dark abyss of space and time.” MB: “Is that a question?” COB: “Do you feel that way? That your life is devoid of all purpose? That nothing truly has any instrinsic value?” MB: “I don’t know. My purpose right now is that big Fresca contract for the stadium.” COB: “You were once known as a bit of a progressive on societal matters. Yet you quietly sat on the sidelines as Ohio has been turned into a gerrymandered theocracy hellhole. Will you spend a high draft pick on another offensive lineman next year? MB: “Uh, yes. We will shore up that line with draft picks. Yes.” COB: “You reside in a mansion. Amongst the wealthiest of our society. Yet you repeatedly drive twenty five miles per hour on Shawnee Run Road in the left lane with your blinker on. Why?” MB: “How do you know about that?” COB: “The other owners are tired of doing all the work while you sit on the sidelines, an iconoclast who does nothing but poke them with a sharp stick. They do the heavy lifting that increases the value of your franchise, yet in your own small way your obstruct them at every turn. Why” MB: “What?” COB “You frequently reference a hypothetical oxcart, and a hypothetical ditch. What is the meaning of this?” MB: “OK! Yes, as the league moves forwa…..” /loudly interrupted by interviewer/ COB: “Is there a god?” MB: “Well, I don’t know for sure. There is the accrual accounting method.” COB: “So, accrual accounting is your god?” MB: “I never thought of it that way. But yes, I guess it is.” COB: “The American Society of Sock Garter Collectors has a god. And you, Mike Brown, are that God!” MB: “Ha ha! Yes, I have a quite a collection of sock garters, and yes most in the ASSGC consider my collection to be the gold standard.” COB: “Why is your sock garter collection not in the Smithsonian?” MB: “It will be. We’ve been quietly negotiating the terms of the loan of my collection to the Smithsonian.” COB: “I’m afraid to ask this question, but I will. How long have you been negotiating?” MB: “11 years.” COB: “The lighthearted portion of the interview has concluded. When will you die?” MB: “Gosh I don’t know. I feel good.” COB: “Do you think you may be immortal?” MB: “Yes, I might be. I’ve thought about that.” COB: “If you are immortal, you will be destroyed by watching your children grow old and die. Will you consider signing some free agents to help in the defensive backfield?” MB: “Gee, I leave all that up to my personnel guys, the scouts and such.” COB: “Is that a no?” MB: “Correct.” COB: “Thank you Mr. Brown, that concludes part one of our interview?” MB: “Part what?”