COB

AJ McCarron just threw for 6 tds and 420 (blaze it) yards in one game and he still has that wife who is a complete piece of ass. Bring him in as our new QB2.

Great to see he’s motivated. But is it even realistic to try to play football 9 months after getting fully AMPed? (Torn Acl, Mcl, and Pcl). would love to see it, but that’s pretty optimistic.

Thanks I’ll check out Goodberry.

I clicked on “get tickets” at the bottom of the page you linked. It asked for an access code, I tried Lapham62 but that didn’t work. Any idea what you may have done differently to make it work?

TJ your 18 foot tall granny turns out to be an autobot, a transformer. She frequently transforms into her vehicle form - a Gold Star Chili food truck that goes to county fairs and little league tournaments in the tri-state area. And, no surprise, when Alita, Battle Angel, has her final confrontation (at a 32 team 10U tourney in Batavia), none other than Mike Brown is loitering around that food truck on his Rascal Freedom Power Chair ($1,498.20 at Sam’s Club). So, you know, it’s all starting to make sense.

Opening lines from “Then Who Will Feed the Crows?” - Alita, Battle Angel, was not in a mood for negotiation. ”I thought I finished you. But I see you are back for round two.” The old lady picked up a mid-sized sedan, probably a Kia, and threw it at Alita, Battle Angel, yelling “You leave my sweet grandson alone you prepubescent cyborg from hell!” Alita, Battle Angel, said, “He said I had googley eyes, sorry old lady, but your grandson is going to pay!” Alita, Battle Angel, deflected several thrown vehicles, and a pallet of bagged mulch the old lady pulled off a passing truck.” Damn, bitch, where did you get these superpowers?” The old lady rose to her full height of 18 feet, pounding her chest and unleashing a gruesome old lady howl. “My grandson is a good boy, I’ll teach you some manners you little mutant!”

For this insolence I will shapeshift into Alita, Battle Angel, and travel via Alita, Battle Angel protocol down there to Cincinnati and in your front yard I will do a public reading of my latest opus, “Then Who Will Feed the Crows?” You probably don’t even think that’s much of a threat, but my readings have been known to attract some questionable characters. Apologize now or it’s ABARTWWFTC (Alita, battle angel reads then who will feed the crows), and all the dregs who are likely to show up for it and will probably just hang around your neighborhood afterwards.

Pay cut coming, or he’s gone. Those are the only two options, and it has to happen before the draft so we know where we stand at RB.

Error - I was looking at an article about last year’s Aaron Rodgers drama.

I knew it! I just knew it. I have so many questions. First, when you said that to follow you I had to hate my mother, my father, and my life (“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.” Luke 14:26) is just plain burning rage-filled hatred enough? I mean, I can probably swing that in regards to my parents. Hate my own life? Well, I am a long-time bengals fan.

Take a tight end in the third. If you spend a high pick on a TE he just ends up getting the living crap kicked out of him and is injured half the time. Tyler Eifert. Even Gronk, though a generational talent, was constantly hurt. That position wrecks guys. They should just keep getting guys who are looking for a prove it year. It’s working.

Please let this be a sign that they aren’t going TE in round one or two

Jesus will the draft ever get here? One of the worst things the NFL ever did was to move the draft so late in the spring.

Just read that some dude is paying $6 billion for the Washington Commanders. Mike should seriously consider selling the Bengals. Bezos wants in, $5 billion might be a possibility. I just think NFL teams may be at or near their peak value. The NFL is a business. The Bengals are a business. Businesses fail. Almost inevitably. Capital does not fail. Diversify that mountain of cash and it will in and of itself be a family business. Not as glamorous, not as interesting, but very profitable, stable, and it won’t have the lid on its growth that a single NFL franchise has.

A couple hours after he played in the 2021 Cheee-It Bowl Bryan Bresee texted me to see if I needed any help with my gutters. I was like, no I’m good.

I heard something like 15 million of it is guaranteed. Insane. Stupid.

Keep him at significant salary reduction, or engage the clause in his contract that says don’t do crime or else. We need a significant upgrade at Rb. In the old days we’d pretend Mixon’s legs weren’t shot. This isn’t the old days. It’s plainly evident - we need a better player.

From someone on Twitter named Warren Sharp (@sharpfootball): “the Bengals' high rates of 3+ WR sets forced defenses to play light boxes Mixon led the NFL in % of runs vs light boxes but of 41 RBs, he only ranked: 36th in YPC 39th in yards after contact 34th in explosive run rate”

In an act of disrespect towards the Bengals, the tribe just had Travis Kelce throw out the ceremonial first pitch at the home opener. He looked like he’s never thrown a baseball in his life.

I like gambling. But they’re putting a O/U line out before the schedule is even being released. I’m surprised they’re doing that. A game against Team X might look like a win. Then the schedule comes out in May and we see that we play Team X on the road on a Thursday night right after we played Pittsburgh and Baltimore on consecutive Sundays, and Team X is our tenth game in a row leading into our bye. My point is it’s difficult to handicap these games without knowing the schedule, the context. Another variable is the roster and the draft. Team X looks like a pushover now, then they elbow the Jets out of the way and sign Aaron Rogers. Different game altogether.

That dude has a long history of really funny QB reviews/evals. He was a hot stuff qb recruit, played at a couple different schools. Guarantee his real opinion of Burrow is way different than “he’s a diabetic on dialysis.”

https://www.tiktok.com/@thethrowgod/video/7218962582172962090

She’s an important part of Mike’s life. He’s a bit of a man about town.

Cue the smoke machine in the cafeteria at PBS. All the bengals' employees, some press, and some random vendors and delivery drivers are seated on 5 dollar white plastic stack chairs. TJ's granny is there in a black cocktail dress. A makeshift stage is obscured by smoke. Suddenly loud techno music thumps at 11. Mike Brown walks out from the smoke. He's wearing a form fitting black turtleneck, and a headset microphone. The music continues to play and Mike sort of dances Trump style, just moving his outstretched arms back and forth a bit. He points at a couple employees. The music dies down and Mike begins to speak. "Hellooooo! Hello Hello Hello! Great to be here!' 'We're here together because there is a lot of running back talk. Some of the uninformed amongst us seem to think we're stuck in the old ways, that we're still about /tries to make air quotes hand gesture/ business as usual /ceases strange air quotes gesture/. The future is now! I'm here to lead us into tomorrow." "I know what you're thinking, you're thinking, 'Mike, how can we field a football team without a proven running back?' Well I've got news for you. The question is how can we field a team with no running back at all? That's right! You heard right! These skinny jeans /points at his legs, absolutely fucking gross/ say one thing! They say I'm an interruptor. Wait, I'm a disruptor. I'm thinking of stuff so far out there that you can't believe I'm saying it! "As a disruptor, I'm leveraging things. I'm a multiplier that knows how to implement constant and never-ending improvement! I'm constantly innovating in a way customers care about. And I just cut Joe Mixon about ten minutes ago. He was a diminisher who didn't understand how to stand out in a crowded world." The techno music inexplicably starts thumping at 11. Mike looks confused, waves his arms, makes throat slashing gesture. The music stops. "We all know the world is changing. And this business will only thrive if we change with it! I'm targeting a very overlooked customer segment, the group of customers who want to watch us play without a twelve million dollar running back. That's the future! That's our future! Let's hear it!" Pump up music thumps at 11, the smoke machine comes on again, Mike recedes into the smoke, doing the strange arm dance, not moving any other part of his body.

I just don’t see them paying Mixon his current number.