COB

Moose Johnson loves our defense: “On the back end I think two of the better safety combinations in the league right there.”

Big cushion there. For their tight end.

What, our first round draft pick is hurt in his rookie year?

Moose Johnson comically optimistic.

AFC North may be the weakest division this year.

Fox should have talked to one of us before putting the bengals as a front and center team in their game of the week broadcasts.

I’m a Jersey cow, a ruminant. A Jersey cow in a field. A man walks in the field and puts a television in front of me. It’s not the farmer, it’s a different man. Although my cow brain can’t comprehend it, the television displays the Bengals versus Lions football game. I remain, a Jersey cow in a field. I stare. I contemplate nothing.

That Niners rams game was an eye opener. Niners are missing top 3 receivers, their QB, their TE George Kittle, and pass rusher Nick Bosa. Just a horrific injury list. But they are a well coached team and the depth guys came ready to play and beat a good Rams team. They have a smart former player, John Lynch, as their GM. Their scheme is the opposite of ours. We need a top 3 QB in the league to do anything. They can plug in a decent backup and compete. Just night and day difference between the organizations.

Yep.

We suck.

He consistently takes too long to get the play in, resulting in a scramble drill at the LOS trying to get the play run on time. Or a timeout. Or a delay of game penalty. He is just a bad coach . It’s simple. Has Burrow been carrying him? Zac is 4-29-1 without Burrow. Zac is most definitely in over his head. The Brown family is most definitely in over their heads. The game has evolved so far beyond the Brown Family’s methods and abilities that I don’t think they’ll ever get close again. I don’t mean game planning and scheme. I mean just organizationally and administratively. The way other teams analyze everything to the nth degree, the way they scout and draft, the way they manage the cap, the way they strategically manage their roster. It’s all changed in the last 15 years. Mike and company? Their methods were antiquated even 15 years ago, and they’re still doing it that way. The NFL hasn’t just zoomed past the Bengals, the best NCAA teams are way ahead of us in how they conduct business.

“Maybe some people aren’t meant to be happy.”

You were very close. Better get that betting app cranked up on your phone if you’re going to be calling them like this. The Associated Press summarized it thusly: The Bengals (2-2) never crossed midfield after an opening-drive field goal for a 3-0 lead as Denver's defense limited Cincinnati to a mere 159 yards of offense — to the Broncos' 512 — and two third-down conversions all night.

We are all familiar with the Russian Tsar, False Dmitriy I. He was the Polish imposter who took advantage of a period of Russian instability in 1605 and seized the Russian throne. He ruled for 10 months, then real Russians snatched him up, shot him, burned him, then loaded his ashes in a giant cannon, aimed it at Poland, and fired him back from whence he came. I know we can’t realistically expect Zac’s ashes to fly all the way back to LA, but we could probably get them at least over the Brent Spence Bridge, agreed?

You know who will be held accountable for this debacle tonight? How about the GM? Wait, we don’t have one. How about the offensive play caller? Wait, it’s a guy but Zac also listens and can change it. How about our head of personnel? Wait, Duke Tobin has some authority, but Zac and Katie and Mike can chime in and be part of the decisions too. It’s almost like the whole organization was set up to avoid anyone ever really being responsible for anything.

And think what the next 3 weeks will be like: Lions, Packers, and Steelers. Helps explain the vacant stares on our players’ faces tonight.

If Zac Taylor isn’t in a secret MS-13 prison in El Salvador by Thursday of this week I’m going to jump off a bridge.

Attention ICE: Zac Taylor AND our o-line coach have foreign accents, were probably born in a different country, and are known to have never watched even one episode of “Yellowstone.”

Revealed: Taylor sucks as a coach and this team’s success is thanks to Burrow. Get a real coach in here. Better yet, sell the team.

Our lack respect for the run game called out by Troy Aikman. Says you can’t just expect to turn it on and off.

Fire Zac Taylor before he wrecks Jake Browning’s career.

The comeback begins now. Jake Brownjng legacy game!

It’s official for Zac Taylor: Not Serving Gary Reasons.

For this season’s first Steeler game, I’m going to leave the country. For the second, I’m going to hire a prison surgeon to anesthetize me into the middle of the following week.

We lack discipline, we lack focus, we lack effort.