COB

I’ll tell you what, getting off cereal might have helped. He’s playing better. Makes me wonder what I could have achieved in life if Lucky Charms had never been invented.

Wasting elite offensive talent dead in the middle of their primes. Mike knows best you plebes.

This shit doesn’t look like a one-offseason fix.

Ok.

What a shit show.

Need a pick 6 here.

CBS producer: “Camera 5, get with it. This broadcast severely lacks one thing - shots of Zac Taylor gawking in a confused manner at his Denny’s menu, then blabbing into his microphone with single digits left on the play clock. Get with it camera 5!”

Chase Brown is getting the extra yard like every play.

Myles will get this shit figured out around year 7.

The run is working. And the qb run, planned or unplanned, just do it.

Then he sacks Lemar. Myles Murphy statement game!

Myles showed some emotion after that tackle.

Bj Hill tackles Henry, heads immediately for the blue tent.

Seems likely. One way to ease the pain? Go now and buy shares in Stryker (NYS:SYK), they are the largest maker of orthopedic implant devices, and I’m forecasting a surge in demand for their products in the tri-state area later today after Derrick Henry gets done trampling members of our defensive backfield (minus former Raven Geno Stone who knows what’s up).

Basically today’s game is a therapy session for our defense. Exposure therapy, or immunotherapy, desensitizes your immune system by gradually exposing it to an allergen. Our defense is allergic to tackling. They’ll be exposed to increasing dosages of Derrick Henry running full speed in their faces with intent to kill/maim. If he gets one on one with a corner, and the corner somehow doesn’t dive out of the way, avert your eyes.

Very tough game to pick. The Ravens are struggling. Lamar was hurt when he played us, and it is difficult to tell if he’s still hurt to that degree. They just aren’t doing anything well. Their kicker has brought upon them the sex offender curse, the one that destroyed the Browns. We have a qb that has the suicide hotline number scrawled on his forearm. Our defense looked good as long as the Ravens were handing them the ball two weeks ago. Our guy Tee Higgins put it all on the line for us last week and now has a perma-headache. Finally, it’s going to be colder than a welldigger’s ass in the Klondike. Neither team is going to enjoy this. Our defenders who hate tackling will really hate tackling now. That Raven’s running back will eat. Ravens 31, Bengals 14.

32 GMs in this league. Probably 29 would trade Burrow for their starting qb right now.

https://www.si.com/nfl/bengals/onsi/news/cincinnati-bengals-defense-product-of-major-errors-made-by-front-office-01kbzcn4d8h7 SI writer seems to think our historically bad defense has something to do with our historically bad front office and their historically bad decisions.

Our “under performing” offense is the problem? Ok. Please write a couple more paragraphs explaining to all these “message board fans” why we should replay last off-season’s dysfunctional shit show by tagging Hendrickson again. Your last go at it didn’t quite convince me.

The abacus Mike uses to plan the salary cap doesn’t have a magic setting that allows one to incorporate modern cap management strategies into his calculations. Sorry. Just accept that Mike and company have done everything right, and the stuff that has gone wrong is basically Joe Burrow’s fault. We might even have to move on from Burrow so we can get back to the excellence that is the Brown Family NFL record!

It wouldn’t be an assumption, which is a belief unsupported by fact. You have come to that conclusion based on a mountain of evidence. It’s a fact.

This message board fan is enthralled. Your slowly evolving narrative that the Bengals front office does everything right, and the bengals failures are actually Joe Burrow’s fault, is without a doubt the best reading on the internet right now.

Also, Burrow was asked you seem frustrated, he said there are a lot of things going on right now. Reporter: “Football related? Personal life?” Burrow: “Both.” He seemed subdued. Possibly his relationship ended or something is going on in his family.

What were they supposed to do in free agency? Forget free agency. What they were supposed to do is draft defensive players the last several years. A task at which the front office failed miserably. Joe’s apparent depression could be the realization that his intensity and desire to win means nothing to a front office that fumbles multiple drafts then shrugs their shoulders and says, “oh well, what are we supposed to do in free agency now to rebuild this defense?” He knows the steps won’t be taken to bring about a quick defensive turnaround. We all know it. I think that’s why he’s wistfully commenting on his good o-line. What could have been, especially this year when the AFC North is down.

Burton cut. Hendrickson surgeried and unlikely to play for us again. Tee back in concussion protocol. Zac Taylor repeatedly mistaken for a shift manager at an Enterprise Car Rental counter. This team is leaking oil.