Stripes

Double up at NT and maximize your chances at competently replacing Reader. Sure.

4.45 speed is pretty decent, profiles suggest he’s good in scramble drills (a Burrow special). No clue, personally

Another national champion

This stretch has been brutal, but it was predictable. Barely any defenders went in round 1, so it regression to the mean was coming. Hopefully the Bengals have a sound plan in place. It's hard to feel super comfortable sitting pat watching these players evaporate.

Eagles might have both of the best corners in the draft.

Four in a row. Fuck

Three DTs in a row. DUI boy gone.

Farewell, Newton

Popping in from work to complain that there have only been three picks in 35 minutes.

To be fair, there is recent precedent for a Bengals 2nd round trade-up (Cam Taylor-Britt). So perhaps it's not as out there as it feels to Bengals geezers like the lot of us. Normally I am anti-trade up, but in what I perceive to be a Super Bowl window, I'm all in. I don't care about extra picks. Go get me a high-level starter if you think he's on the board.

They won’t do it, but I am pro-trade up for Newton.

I'm always iffy on the "developmental" type OL picks, because I don't entirely trust the Bengals to, well, develop. But it's good that Trent Brown exists and will allow Mims to learn and grow before being thrown hopelessly into some game against Myles Garrett. The situation should be good for him.

Mims indeed. I am indeed whelmed. That'll do.

Bengals pick commercial break tradition!!!!!

Not sure if they want Mims or Turner, but it seems like one of the two. And the other is ours.

Good for us.

6 QBs and 4 OTs in the first 14 picks

Just don't freaking trade back. That'll make me worse than whelmed.

Very likely we're going to have Murphy, Turner, Bowers, Mitchell, or Mims available.

If he gets past the Colts, my nipples will be icicles.

Another OT gone. Fashanu to Jets

ESPN talking head: "When he gets his hands on you, it's OVER." I didn't ask for pornography.

Time for the OTs to evaporate before our eyes.

I would like to purchase insurance against ever hearing Roger Goodell utter the phrase "rap battle" again.

I'm prepared to be thoroughly whelmed.