Stripes

Murphy, after a few flashes, should be pretty solid. As a backup behind Billy Free Agent and Michael Draft Pick.

Here I hopelessly claw at my computer screen, begging, screaming, "bring in Jim Schwartz, you complete morons" and the Bengals barely shift in their hibernation.

Not sure how Kenny ever gets in if he couldn't this time.

I never considered it until now, but I bet Mike was behind that horrific magic show halftime in Super Bowl XXIII.

Willie Anderson himself says he’s not in this year.

Just imagine the Cincinnati Bengals trading significant draft assets to acquire top-end defenders for a Super Bowl run. They absolutely should try to do that. They'll never even lift the phone receiver from its rotary dial, however. Mike wouldn't miss his 1967 reruns of Gunsmoke on TV Land for that.

Needing 40 out of 50 is brutal. Kenny is doomed.

Burrow is in the Pro Bowl now. "Woo." It's a complete clown show, but maybe nobody remembers the details when Burrow is up for the HOF, and they're counting his accolades.

Even when the mindless offseason puff pieces are actually followed by a good season, it means nothing. The franchise simply cannot sustain success. They never have at any juncture since 1968. Every beautiful summer day just portends a blizzard around the corner. They have to win it all during their brief little sugar highs, or they never will.

The Browns hired Todd Monken (former Ravens OC). May he be exactly as successful as every other coach in Cleveland since they returned to the league.

An allegory for the Bengals entering the start of free agency.

Mike McCarthy is the guy in Pittsburgh. I think that's probably good for us. He's been reasonably successful but never more than that. He can perpetuate the Tomlin appeal by never getting them over the hump and also being too good to fire for ten years.

I’m sure it IS hard to run an NFL franchise with only four employees and zero professional experience beyond “has an appropriate last name”.

I keep thinking about writing posts promoting the importance of proactivity this offseason. There’s so much to gain. But I know this franchise. I might as well stab myself in the eyeball with a rusty fork.

If Pitcher moves on, they're going to promote from within (barring a Callahan return). External OC candidates are going to want to call plays. I'm already mad.

We are all Eva Braun.

Imagine the Patriots get this QB lineup in the playoff run: Tall Andy Dalton (Justin Herbert) CJ Stroud Jarrett Stidham Sam Darnold

Bills fired McDermott. We are being punished by God.

Even Stafford has had a dud.

Bo Nix wins the game and breaks his ankle. Brutal.

Whatever his warts, Andy Dalton never fumbled a gift like Josh Allen just did in a playoff game. No, wait, he absolutely did that.

I'd be perfectly pleased to never hear Tony Romo call a QB sneak "genius" ever again.

Buffalo/Chicago sounds great to me. Might be the best matchup available.

They're the Bengals. Will Anderson would tear his ACL in the preseason, and Derek Stingley would catch the bubonic plague on the eve of the postseason.

Tomlin is stepping down. The entire division minus us are getting new coaches.