COB

One may be a little underpaid playing for the Bengals. But it’s a trade off. Because in your later years you can have a career in the cottage industry that can best be described as shitting all over the Brown family any time they try to do anything. Current iteration: Boomer gets invited to ring of honor ceremony, but nothing about the event is good enough. So in the media he mocks the invite. With friends/former players like this, who needs enemies?

We better do well the first four weeks. Weeks 5-7 are Lions, Packers, Steelers. That’s a pretty serious stretch right there, would love to win 2 of those.

Volson could fall off a bridge and I wouldn’t care.

Supposedly Golden’s method was to simplify the whole defense, minimize thinking and decision making, which would allow guys to play faster. We should expect growing pains, if that’s what we’re seeing. If you listened to the pregame last night there was a theme of once Washington realized they finally had a franchise QB, they went out and loaded up on good players. That’s AFTER they made the nfc championship game. They almost couldn’t be more different from the Bengals. We had one of the worst defenses in the NFL and the FO did very very little to improve the personnel. New DC, the easiest and cheapest fix was admittedly implemented. DC has a new and apparently deep-pocketed owner. We have Mike, very much stuck in his ways and looking to run things on a shoestring.

Patrick got benched. He may just be further over the hill than previously believed. Back to the lab.

I was under the impression our offensive starters were playing the whole first half, but now I understand it will only be the first quarter. It makes these games so much more interesting to see the starters play even a few series. Trey situation: The requirement that guaranteed money be put in escrow is going to royally screw us going forward. The Brown family doesn’t want to do it, they may not even have the $$ laying around, and it just generally is one of the worst developments in recent history for our front office. The real irony here is that Mike has always tried to be such a stand up guy that signing a deal with him usually meant you were getting paid the whole thing. We have a million examples of guys who under-performed their contracts and fucking Eagle Scout Mike Brown not only pays the whole thing, but the player will have his playing time protected. His reward for all that? Nothing. The league and players are in 2025 not 1958. Trey outplays his deal and immediately starts his holdout charade. It’s gross.

Week 1 broadcast, Bengals vs Browns: Daryl “Moose” Johnson: “We’re moments away from kickoff and we just got the news Bengals fans have been waiting for, Trey Hendrickson signed a new deal. Thirty nine million dollars for this season, and added a year to his current deal, that’s all we know. Our sideline reporter has Trey on the sidelines, take it away Allison Williams!” Allison Williams: “I’m here with Trey Hendrickson, he’s suited up and ready to take the field here in about one minute. Trey, you just signed your new contract five minutes ago. Are you looking forward to getting back with the team?” Trey Hendrickson: “It’s been an incredible run, these last five minutes I’ve had with my teammates. I’ll never forget these last five minutes. But I have to look out for my family. Everyone knows I’m terribly underpaid. I’m announcing now, I’m holding out for a new deal, starting now.” Allison: “What? You just signed five minutes ago.” Trey: “What an incredible five minutes I had with my teammates under this last deal. But my wife and I can’t even have a baby under this terrible deal. Cut to an ESPN talk show please.” Allison: “What? We’re on Fox. Aren’t you going to play even one game?” Trey: “I have to get off this perpetual treadmill of play a year, hold out, play a year, hold out, etc. So that’s what I’m doing, I’m holding out right now. I’d like to be interviewed by Pat McAfee now please.” Allison: “Your defense is taking the field in 30 seconds. We’re on Fox. Are you seriously not playing today?” Trey: “Thanks Pat, you are so right, I’m massively underpaid and everyone agrees I deserve a new deal.” Allison: “I’m not Pat McAfee, I’m Allison Williams.” Trey: “Thanks Pat. First of all, I’d like everyone to know that I’m simply guided by Jesus in all matters. Jesus would never play without guaranteed money in year three. That’s from the Bible.” Allison: “What?” Trey: “Thanks Pat. It’s from the Book of Javarius, Chapter 12, Verse something or other. I love Cincinnati so much, this holdout is tearing me apart inside. I don’t want to be a distraction. All I want to do is play football and be with my teammates. Pat, I’m available for any espn talk show these next several weeks.”

Guardians stumbling, and not a good time to be doing so.

Congrats Army. My Alma mater. Also, one sister, one daughter, and various nieces and nephews all graduated from OSU.

Reds are 6 games over .500 and half a game out of the wild card. Guardians are 5 games over .500 and 1.5 games out of the wild card.

The veal’s here all waitress.

Brandon Scherff must not have been healthy. I had a post ready if/when we signed him: “There’s a new Scherff in town.” Or something along the lines of “Scherffing Safari.” Tip your veal.

I can’t wait for the season to start. By the end of last year we were the “team no one wanted to see in the playoffs.” Now, by most indications, we added 3 legit starters in the draft. Slaton looks ok, Perine is back, RB1 looks like he just fell out of the PED cabinet. And Burrow. PS - fake game reps have us looking indomitable. And our division? Ha! Browns - totally vulnerable due to cognitively impaired owner too focused on bribing Ohio R lawmakers to bother to even make one correct football decision. Steelers - their rent-a-wreck QB, once a new world samurai, now a dimwitted conspiracy theorist who is basically spending his last season falling off a cliff in slow motion. Ruined. Ravens - Formidable. Seems their regular season was dipped in the River Styx, but said dipping took place while holding onto the playoffs portion of their season. Week 18 is coming! Unwarranted and completely delusional confidence RISING!!

Football scuffles are kind of funny. Just a lot of pushing and shoving. Then on the next legitimate play they play football, which is about 5 times more dangerous and damaging than the “fight” in which they just engaged.

Adversity arrives in many forms: Burrow: “ok the other team just kicked off.” Taylor: “Holy shit, get out there and start chucking it!!”

Is there a new league we can play in this year? Because this nfl thing isn’t even going to challenge this team.

I just saw CTB interviewed by Kay Adams. She pretty much just asked for Burrow’s phone number. JK. Basically, CTB reinforced the reality that athletes just do not have anything interesting to say. They’re working for a living, they aren’t media guys.

Insane and never-warranted pre season confidence level RISING!

Burton played. Nothing great but at least he showed up to practice and a game. That defense last night did not inspire confidence. Stewart and Knight must develop quickly and both need to be average or above average at their respective positions. That’s the only way this defense gets any better. It’s putting a lot on them, but that’s the way it is right now.

It’s going to be a shootout every week.

This is me every year. I read the local reporters blabbing about camp and I go out of my mind. “How can we even lose one game? The division is a certainty, the conference is a probability, SB win more likely than not.” I do it every year and this year is no different.

Good to see the Bobby Hart Hate Train is still on the tracks. TJ is the engineer, if I recall correctly.

I don’t mind Burrow playing as long as it is understood - no third or fourth reads, no holding the ball or scrambling. Two reads max and the ball comes out.

I’m looking forward to seeing Stewart in preseason. It’s easy to forget he’s 280 lbs and athletic at that weight.

Brandon Scherff is still available. Sign him and we can get a serious player AND a mentor for Fairchild. Do it.