Stripes

I'd be shocked if Baltimore lets Linderbaum get to free agency. If they do, however, I'd be all in. I love Ted Karras, but that's a no-brainer.

Headline: cure for cancer has signed with the Atlanta Falcons. The Cincinnati Bengals have signed a half-bottle of extra-strength Tylenol to fill the hole.

I just received notice from B24. It looks like I will be retained as a member of Bengalszone for another year of mediocre one-liners. We’re staying the course.

Top ten overall draft picks since Duke Tobin assumed his role: 2021 - Ja'Marr Chase (5) 2020 - Joe Burrow (1) 2017 - John Ross (9) 2011 - A.J. Green (4) 2009 - Andre Smith (6) 2008 - Keith Rivers (9) 2003 - Carson Palmer (1) 2002 - Levi Jones (10) 5 of 8 were good enough to make a Pro Bowl (Levi never did). 1 of 8 was good enough to justify his existence (Smith). 1 of 8 was disappointing but not horrible (Rivers). 1 of 8 was poop from a butt (Ross). In the slot 9-10 area, we're 1 for 3 assuming you don't give Rivers the nod.

We lose! If you're happy and you know it, FIRE EVERYONE. If you're happy and you know and you really wanna show it, FIRE EVERYONE.

Even in fake games, the defense doesn't have it when they need it most.

Well that'd be a nice 4th quarter comeback to add to Joe's stats for whenever someone has to make his Hall of Fame argument. Nobody will know it was a fake game. The defense can still ruin it anyway.

Are we actually going to lose? No bounce?

I think the records are all fake anyway. 22.5 was bested at least once (possibly twice if you trust the Coy Bacon Bengals legend) before sacks were officially counted.

I will have a good hearty chortle if they spend the entire 3.5 hour broadcast talking about the sack record and he doesn't get it.

"Demetrius Knight, the outstanding rookie" "Demetrius Knight isn't going to get defensive rookie of the year, but he's up there." Who are these fucking commentators?

This announcer is terrible.

I just saw my 385th exciting FanDuel ad.

I'm watching an exciting professional football matchup between teams outside the postseason. I'm eating an exciting bowl of tomato and cucumber salad. I might take an exciting piss in a few minutes. What a Sunday.

Funny game

The Bengals under Mike Brown have won zero (0) playoff games without Joe Burrow on the field. Offer me 15 first round picks, and I am saying no.

Let’s get both Andersons to the podium together. Pipe dream

The Bengals are going to win the game. I’m resigned to that. Myles Garrett getting the record would be an interesting spectacle.

I've won my fantasy league over my old asshole Air Force friends. That does nothing for any of you, but whoop-dee-doo for me.

Well the "six" part was called back by penalty. Whatever.

And then another pick six by the safety we didn't pick: Xavier Watts.

All you have to do is get Joe Burrow into a playoff game. The rest of the team can be a trash can, and he'll elevate them. Fail to do even that three years in a row (two of which have him healthy when it counts) and retain your job? Must be the franchise known for 16 years of Marvin Lewis.

FIRE EVERYONE

Trade up for an impact player. (in my fantasies)

Shemar Stewart just increased his career sack total by ∞%