Stripes

Even when the mindless offseason puff pieces are actually followed by a good season, it means nothing. The franchise simply cannot sustain success. They never have at any juncture since 1968. Every beautiful summer day just portends a blizzard around the corner. They have to win it all during their brief little sugar highs, or they never will.

The Browns hired Todd Monken (former Ravens OC). May he be exactly as successful as every other coach in Cleveland since they returned to the league.

An allegory for the Bengals entering the start of free agency.

Mike McCarthy is the guy in Pittsburgh. I think that's probably good for us. He's been reasonably successful but never more than that. He can perpetuate the Tomlin appeal by never getting them over the hump and also being too good to fire for ten years.

I’m sure it IS hard to run an NFL franchise with only four employees and zero professional experience beyond “has an appropriate last name”.

I keep thinking about writing posts promoting the importance of proactivity this offseason. There’s so much to gain. But I know this franchise. I might as well stab myself in the eyeball with a rusty fork.

If Pitcher moves on, they're going to promote from within (barring a Callahan return). External OC candidates are going to want to call plays. I'm already mad.

We are all Eva Braun.

Imagine the Patriots get this QB lineup in the playoff run: Tall Andy Dalton (Justin Herbert) CJ Stroud Jarrett Stidham Sam Darnold

Bills fired McDermott. We are being punished by God.

Even Stafford has had a dud.

Bo Nix wins the game and breaks his ankle. Brutal.

Whatever his warts, Andy Dalton never fumbled a gift like Josh Allen just did in a playoff game. No, wait, he absolutely did that.

I'd be perfectly pleased to never hear Tony Romo call a QB sneak "genius" ever again.

Buffalo/Chicago sounds great to me. Might be the best matchup available.

They're the Bengals. Will Anderson would tear his ACL in the preseason, and Derek Stingley would catch the bubonic plague on the eve of the postseason.

Tomlin is stepping down. The entire division minus us are getting new coaches.

Baltimore choked last week, and Pittsburgh ate shit this week. I am pleased.

Justin Herbert is starting to look like he carries the have fun and play together gene.

Three NFC West teams in the divisional round.

Fortunate for the Bills. I thought they were dumb as hell to score right away and leave the Jags an entire minute.

They had a little too much fun playing together.

Andy Dalton could get himself a playoff win. From the bench.

I, for one, find Katie's wrinkly pumpkin to be very cute.

The Ravens just fired John Harbaugh, per Schefter. I'd fire Taylor and hire Harbaugh (or even Stefanski) in a heartbeat.