COB

In a store, seriously considering shoplifting a bunch of shit out of here.

They need time off to read all the articles describing how great they’re going to be this year. Just saw one - headline: “Joe Burrow Has Flahbacks to LSU’s 2019 Juggernaut With 2026 Bengals.” Is that good when you tell teams how great they’re are before they even play? I’m being glib. It is not good.

“I’m back for another year, ‘bout year two gazillion, but nobody givin’ me a new title.” - Mike’s Golf Cart

I just read Dehner’s latest in which he sucks off the Brown family for joining the 21st century (though Burrow should be the one he’s thanking, without his pressure tactics it does not happen). He says don’t hold your breath for any big moves with this extra money. It’s just for the usual “practice squad elevations, injury contingencies and reserves.” So, yes. The Rookie Pool remains undefeated.

Heh. And you reminded me of the patriots’ weak schedule last year. As they headed into the playoffs I recall some media saying they hadn’t beaten anyone with a winning record, or had only played a few teams with winning records, something like that. Then they got handled.

“Start Fast” might be the topic of the pre-season. There are a finite number of things to talk about in the spring and summer. Our normal ranting was derailed when, somehow, the family didn’t tell any players they could go eat cake. So that leaves us with early start, Burrow as fashion icon, and Arby’s.

My latest email to the Bengals (so far unanswered): Dear Whatever Descendant of Paul Brown is reading this: Once again, I’m providing you with free advice. Pay heed. Your Jumbotron game is lacking. Here is a Jumbotron idea you won’t be able to resist - You take that scene from Full Metal Jacket where Animal Mother is blabbing to the other grunts. You superimpose Mike’s face over Animal Mother’s face. You change the blasted up Vietnam scenery in the background to blasted up Minarets so we’ve time traveled from ‘Nam to the current Iran conflict. Scene: Mike: (animal mother’s voice, you use the actual audio from the movie until the end, when you low-tech dub Mike’s scratchy old man voice saying the last word) “Freedom? You'd better flush out your head, new guy. This isn't about freedom; this is a slaughter. If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, my word is ‘ARBY’S.’” Presumably, the crowd will go wild. If you are motivated, interface with Arby’s corporate (a random collection of Chuds) and get free roast beef sandwich coupons to give to all the fans. Put Mike’s smiling face on the coupons with a text bubble that has him saying, “Getting my balls blown off for Arby’s!” If you are worried about your fans suffering a series of mini-strokes when they consume Arby’s roast beef and the attendant gazzilion miligrams of salt, don’t be. We can take it. Signed, your number 1 fan, COB

Does BA (as he refers to himself in his rant) realize the Niners could just trade him to an AFC team they don’t play this year? They could basically trade him and play against him once in the next 3 or 4 years. CTE might be creeping on this dude. Pass!

Nice. In a related development, The copy of “Modern NFL Roster Management for Dummies”, (by Chinese AI), is missing from the school library that Mike’s youngest grandson attends.

Reading this thread made me realize something - I’m getting Arby’s for lunch today.

Please let this all come true.

You should visit The Villages down in central Florida.

Jesus.

If reincarnation and karma are real, who was Jared Verse in a previous life to deserve this?

I wondered what kind of event you meant. Looked it up and Grossi is doing a visit to all the nfl stadiums and using it as a fundraiser for a children’s hospital. What a strange thing these days, to see a minor celebrity whose only agenda is to be a decent human being.