COB

This is me every year. I read the local reporters blabbing about camp and I go out of my mind. “How can we even lose one game? The division is a certainty, the conference is a probability, SB win more likely than not.” I do it every year and this year is no different.

Good to see the Bobby Hart Hate Train is still on the tracks. TJ is the engineer, if I recall correctly.

I don’t mind Burrow playing as long as it is understood - no third or fourth reads, no holding the ball or scrambling. Two reads max and the ball comes out.

I’m looking forward to seeing Stewart in preseason. It’s easy to forget he’s 280 lbs and athletic at that weight.

Brandon Scherff is still available. Sign him and we can get a serious player AND a mentor for Fairchild. Do it.

Harbaugh is a squirrel. He’ll say some attention-grabbing stuff before the game. Other than that, difficult for me to get into it. I do love the Lions though, so I’ll check some of it out.

They drafted the kid from A&M, then brought in Perine, should have cut Moss right after.

Ha ha! Welcome to the reality of being a bengal fan. We deal in reality.

It will be a giant improvement if they can jump out to 4-2. They essentially defeat themselves in these early season losses. Hopefully our uber players’ coach decides some stuff has to change. Also, NFC north is a gauntlet. Physical as hell and loaded with players right now.

JFC, brutal.

Update: further research indicates the whole thing was likely staged.

Analysis: the guy was filming with his phone, was stepping sideways to get a better shot and walked right off the platform. Also, might have been a woman, can’t really tell. Phone definitely went in with him/her. The unfortunate who fell into the lake was filming 3 people in front of the giant helmet. Person 1: a giant Dude Wipes container. He proved useless in this emergency. Couldn’t even take 2 steps on his own. Person 2: what appears to be an elderly woman, she is feigning enthusiasm for the new helmet. She’s sort of dancing for the camera, jubilating, with the giant Dude Wipes container. After our protagonist takes a header into Lake Erie, elderly woman walks Dude Wipes over to the edge of the barge to observe the possible drowning. Person 3: A hero appears. Just when all seems lost, when Dude Wipes and elderly woman doubling as hype man and Dude Wipes attendant fail to assist, a third player appears. It is someone dressed as a character. It is unclear if it is Brownie the Elf or possibly the embodiment of another personal hygiene product that sponsored the giant helmet on a barge ceremony. Regardless, our anonymous champion grabs a flotation ring and throws it into the water. The day is saved.

People don’t want to see it, don’t want to admit it, but this dude is an absolute drama queen who loves being the center of attention. 3rd year in a row he’s done this, and one of those years he wasn’t even league eligible for a new deal because it was too close to when he signed his previous deal. He held out anyway. What in the world was he holding out for? He personally has done more to revive and perpetuate the “bengals are cheap” narrative than any player I can think of. Other guys who have absolutely had it normally just finagle their way out of town. Carlos Dunlap and Corey Dillon come to mind. But Trey doesn’t want out. What he wants is this. He wants the national media telling him how great he is. He wants to skip camp, that’s very clear. He’s a diva but in a strangely deceptive way.

Trey thinks he deserves a very large multi year deal. Good. Play out this current deal, one year, 2025, then go get it. But time after time he refuses to bet on himself, then whines when the Bengals won’t bet on him either.

I’ll be sending in my application for one of those assistant GM spots. They’re going to need a Jailed Player GM to deal with cancelling the guaranteed money for all these guys who will, in an unprecedented move, be getting themselves thrown in jail.