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2/24/25. A day to celebrate. I’ll be heading over to the Arby’s on state route 79 in Heath and ordering these bad boys from that ill -tempered teenager in the drive through who mocked me for trying to order them a year after they were removed from the menu. Who’s the idiot now, Tristan? I’m not the one wearing a visor backwards in February in Ohio.

My final mock: Round 1: Johnny BeePeeAyy. The Bengals have already stated that at 17 they will take the Best Player Available, and so they shall. That Johnny BeePeeAyy also just happens to play the position of greatest need for the team is only a happy coincidence! Any questions such as Johnny being the 4-5 player at his position selected while the top and No. 2 guys at other spots sit on the board will be brushed aside with cries of "infidel!" and "unbeliever!" followed by the casting of urinal cakes and burning yellow legal pads at the doubters. Round 2: CC Fallingstar. The organization will welcome CC Fallingstar with exclamations of "we can't believe he was still there!" and "steal of the draft!" Again, that Fallingstar just happens to play the position of greatest need they did not select at 17 is a complete coinky-dink. CC is available, of course, because of the dreaded Character Concerns, which may include domestic violence, alcohol/drug issues, motivational concerns, halitosis, dandruff and/or a daily McDonald's habit. Round 3: Major Wha'dafuk. Fans and draft analysts alike will greet Major Wha'dafuk with initial silence, confused looks, and then guffaws of laughter. Wha'dafuk will play a position the Bengals already have well-covered and/or will be a name no one has ever heard of who was considered a late-round/UDFA prospect. In either case he will be a wasted pick as he either won't be able to get on the field, or will stink, or both. Round 4: Mister Solidpik. Solidpik, who will likely turn out to be the player from this draft with the longest career, is a double-dip with Johnny BeePeeAye. As such his ability to get on the field is limited, despite often looking better than Johnny in limited action. In four years he will leave via free agency and become a solid starter for another team. Round 5: Snoozy Benchwarmer. Snoozy is an offensive player, probably a running back but possibly a TE or even WR, possibly from a small school. The Bengals will tout him as a sleeper. In reality he will never get on the field, though he will hang around taking up roster space for three or four years for no discernible reason. Round 6: Teamy McSpecialTeamer. Teamy will turn out to be TJ's new favorite player. A special teams ace, he will make an immediate impact there, but despite his position group getting gutted by injury several times during his career, he will never be given any significant time on defense/offense. Nevertheless, he will have a long, fruitful career and will probably go into coaching once his playing days are over.

If Dax and Myles Murphy were linchpins for the defense, this whole scenario would look different. Dax would be entering the year before his club option decision was looming and the team trying to figure out how to pay him. Myles Murphy would make the Trey situation look much different and have the team to looking for his replacement in the draft, without thought of paying him market money. Even if the light goes on for Myles this year, they have him locked up for three seasons including the option year. Since that is not the case, they could afford to pay both Chase and Tee, because, well… who else are you going to pay?

And Bengals creepypasta is born…No. 14 is Slandyman.

A Panthers wide receiver jolts awake, gasping and in a cold sweat. He quickly sits up, or actually he does not, he tries, but it's no use. His body does not obey his commands. He is stuck to the bed and short of breath. He sees the digital clock display on his nightstand. 14:14 AM. That's when the sleep paralysis demon crawls on top of him, all its weight pressing him into the mattress. He tries to scream, but his mouth will not open. Another voice slips warmly into his ear. Don't be afraid. Let's just have fun and play together.

Extend him before free agency opens so you know exactly what your cap situation is.

Good news: I just saw him down at the Stud Pass Rusher store. He was pushing a shopping cart around. Bad news: Mike was with him, I heard him say we don’t need anything here, we have Myles Murphy at home.

LOL. I actually went for walk around the garden. Couldn’t watch the last 2 plays

ArmyBengal Jr. and I are up here in Columbus for the Buckeyes game tonight. Glutton for punishment with these cold weather games but it’s going to be electric in the Shoe tonight !! Hoping the Buckeyes get the win. On a side note and how you know you’re getting old… ArmyBengal Jr. was accepted to Ohio State. Just found out. Definitely a proud Dad moment !!

Before you post something like this again I’d appreciate it if you’d take my $39.99 online course; “Oxcart; The Mysterious Obstacle to NFL Success.” It’s a masterclass in old timey, aw shucks financial management of a modern billion dollar business. Lesson number one is entitled, “Do Nothing. Seriously, Don’t Do Shit”

I think Taylor builds a strong culture, he's a solid free agency recruiter, and he has great respect for tradition. I don't think he does much well on Sundays though. He isn't a great playcaller, he's an even worse game planner (especially early in seasons), he makes bad decisions with respect to risk/reward, and he doesn't seem to have a coherent philosophy. Every week I get the feeling he is winging it.

Well I was thinking and I’m ditching my Burrow jersey and going back to my Geno Atkins jersey for week #4. A win is on the way.

Chase: ; Lemme get him on a conf call Burrow: ok, but make it quick as I have to get to my hair dying guy to get the blonde refreshed Chase: dude....seriously? (ring) (ring) Terrace: hey buddy, wuzzup Chase: come on up here, they wanna look atcha Terrace: you guys are too deep at wide, man. I gotta go play for a bad team like Caro.....oh wait Chase: we getcha on the PS. Easy Peazy Terrace: cant make no money there man Chase: you can get by on 300k, dude. Plus I can getcha some extra scratch with a side hustle with this movin' company with pink trucks Terrace: look whos talkin......your teeth alone cost 300k Chase: yeah, you dont need no teeth like mine. Tee is headin' out next year and we'll need a WR2 Terrace: no man, you'd be WR2, I'd be 1 Chase, uhm yeah, sure dude. So come up here, they get a look at you on the PS for a coupla three weeks, we see how it goes. Burrow: and I throw the passes. You remember, those, right? Does the number 13 and 2019 ring any bells? Terrace: sure they do, Shady. Chase: Joe has an electric Pickup from some closed down Lordstown company.....you can sleep in that. Terrace: Shady has a big house in Anderson, why cant he put me up? Chase: dang it dude, thats where TJ Jackson lives, plus Mixon almost got his ass shot off there. He so scared, he ran off to Texas Terrace: {shudder} say no more, man, say no more Burrow: and I'll talk them into a signing bonus, so you can afford to make coffee and egg muffin runs with Ocho Chase: and you mighta heard? The Super Bowls in Nawlins this year. You remember that too, right? Terrace: Yeah Yeah. Aight. On my way.

I would bet a large sum of cash that there is about no chance of him missing games regardless of no extension.

Have no idea what show Burrow appeared on, but this shit was hilarious. A Steelers fan (i'm assumed he's the host), wearing a TJ Watt shirt says to Burrow: "If you were to predict right now the AFC North (you can put Bengals first), how do you think the other three fall?" To which Burrow quickly responds: "Bengals first and then I don't care !!" So cool and yet so savage at the same time. Love this kid !!

Guess what, I have eyes and ears. I can assess the bengals’ FO on my own. I’m not getting trolled or fooled by someone’s reporting. Also in this instance, they’ve just reported the facts. These aren’t opinion hit pieces. The fact is they can’t get their first round draft pick signed and it’s due to their changing of a customary term that has been in the last two first rounders contracts. No one is trolling, the facts are getting reported. The bengals are in an entertainment business. And it’s a business in which perception becomes reality, whether we like it or not. So the FO consistently not caring about the optics of their latest fucked up attempt to “win” every negotiation absolutely hurts the team. You put it very accurately when you said they like to lawyer. It’s not really a verb but it truly describes their behavior. They’re screwing up the team culture and the team dynamics. They did it last year and they’re doing it again.

You all know I enjoy preseason, but I'm sick of the Colts coming to town every year in the preseason. I typically go to watch the young Bengals players, but it would be nice to see an opposing team that is intriguing. The Colts are not that team.

I have multiple pot holes I'd liked fixed on the road close to my house. I'm pretty sure I saw a Wal Mart semi truck fall in there, along with a family of 5 in a Chrysler mini van. Then again, a man was driving the mini van, so that might have been intentional. Disregard. Poor Wal Mart truck.

Maybe if we all behave ourselves at church, Myles Murphy will record one (1) quarterback sack.

I’m just glad to get a damned guard, and Patrick’s track record looks pretty decent. Now sign Scherff anyway.

“We’re going to score 75 points a game… and we’re going to have to.” LMAO !! So true.

Hey we are signing everyone now. Money be damned. Let free agency start !!

Burton was definitely the plan. All he had to do was flash some meaningful upside and not be a moron, and the Bengals would have followed through. I think it was a crap plan just like Bates/Hill, but it was the plan. But then Burton Burtoned as hard as he possibly could. We’ll see. If that idiot actually motivates Tee’s extension, we might owe him a beer.

Reading between the lines on Tobin’s interview with Kelsey Conway: he’s almost growing resentful of players. There is a lot of “we can’t have league high salary guys at every position”, and “this guy wants a lot but other guys want a bite of the apple.” I think the negotiations with some of these hard agents might be wearing on him. He’s also clear that they were thinking Super Bowl last year. He said we kept a lot of guys around from that team, claims they had the league’s third highest payroll, but it didn’t work for some reason. He said we won’t be doing that again. Made a remark about guys who produced last year are going to get the resources that were spent last year on guys who didn’t produce. Biggest takeaway: in discussing new contracts and extensions for guys like Tee, Jamarr, Hendrickson, etc, he reveals himself and the Bengals. It’s always they have to agree to something that makes sense within the context of what we do here, both sides have to agree, etc. He never talks about the market or what guys might get offered or what they’re worth to others. It is strictly will they accept the number and the years that makes sense for us. It is very much as it was posted in here earlier, the offer is what it is, if the player doesn’t take it, we’ll find 3 lesser guys to spend it on. It’s why he talks about all the guys they retained and acts shocked they couldn’t get back to the Super Bowl. Yes you retained guys, but the really good guys, Bates and Reader, wouldn’t agree to a discount, so they walked. Come to think of it didn’t Vonn Bell and Hilton go elsewhere? What’s this fucking mid level manager talking about?

First paragraph above - I was referring to Burrow turning the recent years’ Bengals around, the team that, immediately before he arrived, went: 2016 - 6-9 2017 - 7-9 2018 - 6-10 2019 - 2-14 second paragraph above - I don’t think anyone has ever said the FO should be downgraded for drafting or extending Burrow. Not sure who you are arguing with. third paragraph - archaic is what this front office is. Refusal to play cap games, shuffle salary onto signing bonus, backload deals, etc, all modern methods that produce good teams but take a lot of work, flexibility, and willingness to adapt. None of those qualities describe the Brown family FO. Do those methods work? Pretty much every good team employs them. We lost a Super Bowl to a team that went all in using all the cap shenanigans they could. I like Mike Brown, I respect him. I admire him. But his tenure as our defacto GM was a disaster (for the fans, it was successful regarding Brown family goals), and his daughter as our defacto GM employs most of the same strategies and it is not going much better. Watching this roster degrade since the Super Bowl has been depressing.

I’m a consultant in the food industry. My latest report: the teenager working the drive through window at the Arby’s on State Route 79 in Heath, Ohio, should refrain from mocking the customers who haven’t kept up with Arby’s menu changes and don’t know that they haven’t sold potato cakes in a couple years.

To me it’s obvious now that Golden has been the guy since probably before they fired Lou. They didn’t even bring Saleh or Eberflus in for an interview. Disappointing to me in the sense that you don’t know what you don’t know until you talk to people and learn something. Maybe Golden really is the best out there, but if you don’t compare him to the best, how do you even know?

I expect nothing re: firing, but here's my pipe dream wishlist in order anyway (leaving off the Brown family): First Person Fired: Duke Tobin -- we can justify letting Jessie Bates and DJ Reader walk if and only if we are able to draft and sign capable replacements. Dax Hill was a flop as a safety and Sheldon Rankins did nothing. The last four drafts have all seen at least one complete lemon taken in the first three rounds: Jackson Carman (2021), Dax Hill and Zach Carter (2022), Myles Murphy (2023, pending), and Jermaine Burton (2024). The offensive line still has absolutely no depth. Get the fuck out. Second Person Fired: Zac Taylor -- I don't blame Zac for everything that's gone wrong, but I blame him for putting an unprepared and terrible product on the field in September every single season he has been here. It has cost them too many times. It blew the playoffs entirely in 2024. It killed 1-seed contention and forced them to play the AFCCG on the road in 2022. He is a serviceable playcaller and a bad game manager. He's also never produced a consistent running game. Third Person Fired: Frank Pollack -- They've fed him a steady stream of free agents and draft picks. Some of the latter have been Tobin's fault, but not all. Alex Cappa fell off a cliff after having been quite solid in 2022. Cordell Volson has not meaningfully developed and still started for three years. Joe just got sacked almost 50 times again. Fourth Person Fired: Lou Anarumo -- Maybe I'm insane for leaving the defensive coordinator this far down the list after a season in which the defense so visibly shat their pants. I just tend to place the blame on team building first (Tobin). He can still be held to the fire, however, for the good (theoretically) players that collapsed this year. What the fuck happened to Cam Taylor-Britt? Where was Jordan Battle the first half of the season? Why did Geno Stone look like he was completely clueless all year? Ideally, fire them all. I have no use for this staff. You don't get to miss the playoffs with a healthy Joe Burrow. Get out.

Mims is in at RT as well

Burton returned kicks and did it well.

One agent to sign them all and in the darkness bind them

I admire your willingness to stay up for the weekly dumpster fire, glasgow

Per pff, our best player on defense today, with a 79.4 grade? Joe Bachie Joe. Fucking. Bachie. Burn it down. Burn it ALL down.

Kinda stopped reading at “if you win next week” to be honest

Mainly focusing on this portion of your post.

"A so-so bottom 80% of the roster and uninspired leadership" I cannot help but continue to focus on how huge the misses with Dax Hill and Myles Murphy have been to this team. You simply cannot have two first round guys not produce at the level expected. Especially considering they were both defensive guys. The leadership aspect becomes more and more glaring.

Now (3-5) - “the rams were 3-6 last year and made the playoffs” In a couple weeks (3-7) - “the visogoths were like 1-9 against the Romans then in 410 they got a wildcard spot and sacked Rome.” In a month and a half (4-10) - “ Original Sin was facing a seasonal sweep from Adam then Original Sin’s Joe Burrow and Jamarr Chase showed up (Eve and The Serpent), man’s downfall ensued now Satan has ruled for a gazillion years. Go Bengals.”

“Buh gawd, at Dartmouth we didn’t call up Colgate and ask to trade players, we went right out and played with the guys we had! And great fellows they were! I remember old Trip Buffington, what a great lineman, linebacker, safety, tight end, placekicker, and emergency quarterback he was! We’ll be fine. Folks are loving coming down to the ol’ stadium on game day!”

These other teams have a lot of nerve going out and trading for good veteran players. Mike needs to give them a good stern talking to, explain his “pay as you go” strategy. They’ll see the light, they’ll abandon these advanced cap management tactics, and they’ll see that these multi billion dollar businesses really are at their best when they are run the way your grandad ran his corner store.

Agree Hoosier… Burrow ripping the defense isn’t going to help and would probably make it worse. It just would have made ME feel better. I mean, why are they forgetting about how I feel about this? Ok here’s another idea then… Who are the defensive team captains for 2024? Well that would be Sam Hubbard, Vonn Bell and Germaine Pratt, and ADG (although he’s for special teams). How about the next time (and you know it’s coming) they shit the bed, instead of Burrow going out there to answer questions, one of those “Captains” handle that? Bell is called “The General” and was brought back for his leadership. Well Vonn, show some leadership and don’t leave your QB having to answer for you and your defensive teams screw ups. Yes it is what it is.. An absolute abortion of a defense. 2024 in nutshell. Yes, I’m really angry.

got a response from Myles Murphy's brother :-)

Or not guess a TD CTB has lost it, he ended so well last season, this season all he has done is talk shit and suck!

NAH, SCREW THAT 15-2 drowns in kool-aid

I will have the DVR running for that one. It's ArmyBengal Jr.'s senior year in high school and we are opening the season in Indianapolis to watch his Texans take on the Colts. I have really grown to love the Texans over the years of my son rooting for them. Going to Indy and Houston with him is a lot of fun. I'm selfishly hoping he decides to stay close to home for college, so we can keep going to games together. He's a good kid !! However, if we wouldn't have been in Indy, we definitely would have been at the Bengals home opener.

What ?!?! Irv Smith Jr. got cut by the Chiefs ?? Say it ain’t so… Garbage

I Think Matt Lee lee-pfrogs no knees Hill for backup OC spot Looks like he handled his guy on every snap, but then also look at 1 min 26 seconds on this tape, hos he effortlessly jumps to an unchecked insider rusher from the block he was on even better at 2:14 mark

I attended thanks to tickets donated by mem :-) much appreciated mem :-) The Jermaine TD was a great moment This Josh Newton fellow looks like a keeper My eldest daughter went with me....this was her first Bengals game, and she seemed to follow along after I explained to her all the basics. at the end pf the game, she even asked my why they went for the TD instead of the FG that would have tied it, so she had a pretty good grasp by end of game I had my first stadium beer ever, so scratch that one off the old bucket list - basically a 2 dollar draft for 12 dollars

I’ve contacted that concrete plant beside our practice facility. The conversation centered around a long list of reasons they should consider adding an Arby’s to their facility.

Just your weekly reminder... Three weeks from today is the Hall of Fame game. I now return you to your boring ass life without football.

Ok, I can forgive some of the older Godzilla movies due to some of the more recent ones out there. Just watched Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire. Loved it !! You have to know what you are getting into with this one, but I was entertained for a full two hours. Nice…