Week 13: Bengals @ Jaguars Game Thread

[HoosierCat]

Oh, joy, oh rapture, the Bengals get to get embarrassed on national TV again! The Nineties are back, baby!

[ArmyBengal]

Aren't they wearing their white helmets for this one?
At least they will look good doing it.

[volcom69]

Unfortunately I’m in the I don’t care anymore boat, and I hate it.

Zac is a waste of a play caller he has been terrible at it, and still calls plays like Burrow is the QB what a joke. 

[ArmyBengal]

Well you need to care Volcom.  I mean, top 5-10 picks are hard to come by when you have an elite QB.
Get on the tank train and come root for losses !!

We are sitting at #15 overall and only a game separation from there to almost #7.
A blue chip prospect at the top of the draft would make me feel better than any useless win the rest of the way.

Sure, there are still concerns with contracts, play calling, a declining defense, the o-line and others, but baby steps my friend !!

[volcom69]

I hear ya, but at the end of the day we still have to put up with this coaches who are coaching this offense. It’s amazing how Burrow must hide the flaws of this shitty coaching staff, because when he can’t go it really does show. We can go and get some shiny new draft pick that awesome WR or RB or whatever and he will probably just sit on the bench. That’s what pisses me off about yesterday, these young guys need to play! Mixon has 8 carries everybody else none, can’t even play the rookie ugh it’s just frustrating to me. 

[ArmyBengal]

I get that as well.  This isn't the first time Zac's play calling or lack of the running game have been called into question and won't be the last.

I'm hoping they play more of the young guys to figure out what they look like, while simultaneously losing the remainder of their games.

Fire Frank Pollack, look to draft a new RT and LG, along with a TE and Tee's replacement.
Then something, ANYTHING, has to be done for them to get more pressure on the opposing QB's.

I don't put much into what I see on offense, simply because a healthy Burrow changes all of that.
Anyone thinking Browning was a possible answer, was simply not watching him during the preseason and I mentioned it many times.
Not only is he not the guy with starter potential, I don't think he's even a guy that can come off the bench and get a few wins.
So add backup QB to the list of needs.

I don't know, I just figure the closer we pick at the top of each round can only help.
Still a lot of football to be played and then who knows how they address all the other crap.

[HoosierCat]

The noobs did get some time yesterday. More would always be nice.

Murphy was in for 22% of defensive snaps, got a sack and three tackles. Turner got the call in place of the injured CTB and had a couple nice plays. Princeton got another catch.

Would have been nice to see Chase Brown but they would have to run the ball and apparently that's against the rules in Cincy or something.

 

[ArmyBengal]

Yeah, Mixon and his 8 carries is the coaching staff getting cute again and it's really irritating.

"We just lost Burrow for the season and have Jake Browning the rest of the way."
"So what's the game plan against the Steelers?"
"You know what they won't see coming, rushing the ball less than 10 times."
"CHAMPIONSHIP !!!"

[Stripes]

I am in full snore mode. I watched the game with zero emotion Sunday. I can't believe this wasn't flexed out of MNF.

Hopefully the rookies continue to grow. For the second wave Burrow Bengals starting in 2024 to maintain the standard of the first, they absolutely have to work out. Murphy and Turner especially can't miss a beat.

[HoosierCat]

1 hour ago, Stripes said:

I can't believe this wasn't flexed out of MNF.

Yeah I was surprised when they said last week that it wasn't moving. But then I looked at the schedule and it's a shitshow.

The only really compelling early game is Broncos at Texans, and the only standout late is Niners at Eagles. I'm sure both were protected by CBS and Fox, respectively. So what do you dump Bengals/Jags for? Chargers/Pats? Falcons/Jets? Panthers/Bucs?

This is a "bleeding eyeballs" weekend. It's only fair it ends with this game.

[ArmyBengal]

High school football is nearly over, college football is almost to the bowl games and the Bengals season is already shitcanned.

Pretty sure this is where clinical depression sets in hard...

[HoosierCat]

Only 76 days to pitchers and catchers!

[ArmyBengal]

At least there’s that Hoosier !!

[HoosierCat]

Alternative viewing this weekend. Currently at 100% on rotten tomatoes.

 

[COB]

On 11/27/2023 at 3:49 PM, HoosierCat said:

Yeah I was surprised when they said last week that it wasn't moving. But then I looked at the schedule and it's a shitshow.

The only really compelling early game is Broncos at Texans, and the only standout late is Niners at Eagles. I'm sure both were protected by CBS and Fox, respectively. So what do you dump Bengals/Jags for? Chargers/Pats? Falcons/Jets? Panthers/Bucs?

This is a "bleeding eyeballs" weekend. It's only fair it ends with this game.

It’s a great football weekend - but it’s college conference championship games, not our beloved NFL.

Looking forward to:

 

Friday night, Oregon vs Washington for the pac 12 title. (Playoff implications)

Saturday noon - Oklahoma State vs Texas for the Big 12 Title. (Playoff implications)

Saturday 4 pm - Georgia vs Alabama for the SEC title. (Playoff implications)

 

Not looking forward to:

Liberty University is playing for some bullshit, the whole school is a complete fraud.

Iowa will get pummeled, defaced, and thrown off the delivery truck by Michigan.

SMU vs Tulane, right.

Florida State vs Louisville for the ACC.  Playoff implications, but the whole country wishes there weren’t since the Seminoles’ QB got hurt.  

[COB]

Error - tried to paste a YouTube link but failed.  

[COB]

2 hours ago, HoosierCat said:

Alternative viewing this weekend. Currently at 100% on rotten tomatoes.

 

Oh my god, YES!!!

Godzilla absolutely fucking cleaning house in that trailer.  Like radioactive spikes popping out of his back, he’s in a constant murderous rage, and those Japanese people are like, “let’s get some tanks and depth charges.”  You fucking need a nuclear weapon you idiots, shooting Godzilla with tank munitions just makes him pick up a bunch more city busses full of kids and javelin throw them across town.  I’m so ready to watch that movie.  

[Jagsince95]

Hey Bengal fans, looking forward to this game Monday night. Anyone making the trip down to Jax? 

On paper I think the Jags should have a strong advantage but we tend to trip ourselves up and make everything difficult. Our Oline is our biggest weakness and we can't convert 3rd and short to save a life. If Trevor gets in rhythm look out he's dangerous, but there's no guarantee he gets into rhythm every week. 

Our defense has been a surprise. It was expected to be our weakness this year and it's carried us through multiple games. Specifically Josh Allen is having a career year. We still struggle against the deep ball we tend to give up a big play or two every game. 

All in, I like our chances Monday night but here's to a clean and injury free game!

[ArmyBengal]

Hey Jags...  welcome to the board.

I was just down in Jacksonville a couple months ago and went by the stadium.  Got some cool pics with my kids head in the mouth of the Jaguar statue out front.  Then some angry dude came by and told me I can't do that.  Anyway, had a good time.

You should like your chances in this game and there really isn't much to discuss honestly.
No Burrow = losing for our beloved Bengals.  That's really the beginning and end of the conversation.
Jake Browning is lucky to lead a turd out of his ass.

Burrow = contending for Super Bowl.
Browning = circling the Toilet Bowl.

At least we will look cool in our white helmets !!

[Jagsince95]

I'll be honest I know nothing about Jake Browning. Sounds like he hasn't given you guys much hope. 

[Stripes]

2 hours ago, Jagsince95 said:

I'll be honest I know nothing about Jake Browning. Sounds like he hasn't given you guys much hope. 

He was barely okay last week. I will expect to lose every game though. The Bengals might take one somewhere, but I'm not holding my breath. Your Jaguars should be in good shape.

[COB]

Hi Jagsince95, I hope you guys do well this year, you’ve got a great quarterback!  Now back to the matter at hand, Godzilla:

If any of you 7 guys on here were members of the English faculty at my High School in the 1979-1980 school year, then you already know of the greatest script for a Godzilla movie that has ever been written.  Unfortunately, it was never made into a movie, because I wrote it in the form of a play for my senior English class.  I don’t have a copy of it, but I’ll paraphrase as follows: 

Scene – Jonestown, Guyana, 1978.  Homicidal Maniac and Old Timey Preacher Jim Jones arrives back at his compound after he and his henchmen shoot various people, including a US House of Representatives member and journalists at their jungle airstrip.  Jones is wearing his ‘70s Elvis glasses and looking dope as hell, except he’s a religious nut with a messianic complex and he’s hell bent to kill all his brainwashed followers.  He’s like, “time to die, we’re doing this for Jesus, come on now you retards, drink of bunch of poison, Jesus would want you to!”  They’re all like, “ok, we’re down for this, as long as Jesus says it’s ok.”

Scene – A top secret undergound bunker full of Generals and Rambo types.  They’ve got big screens and lots of data spread sheets, just a straight up war room, it shows these guys are heavy.  The leader goes, “Jim Jones has started his crazy murder plan.  Initiate Operation Blood Bath!”  Some flunky pushes a big red button.

Scene – Back at Jonestown, the first brainwashed moron is about to take a drink of poison.  But instead the jungle starts to shake, a huge shrieking noise is heard, the wind blows, and the trees part to reveal none other than Godzilla himself.  And he’s got his eye on Jim Jones.  Godzilla breathes fire and inadvertently burns up some of the victims he’s saving.  Collateral damage.  Godzilla just does his thing, goes on a killing rampage.  He’s throwing subway cars around full of Japanese people (no explanation for why there are subways and Japanese people in Guyana).  Jim Jones is like, “holy shit, I was not expecting this.”  A couple of his followers ask him, “Is that Jesus?”  Jones is like, “Are you fucking serious?  No, that’s definitely not Jesus.”

Jones and his henchmen flee to his stash house of heavy weaponry.  They pull out rockets, artillery, civil war cannons, like a bunch of really consequential stuff.  They start blasting Godzilla.  He’s getting the living crap kicked out of him.  He maybe went too hard in the first scene.  Our boy is just straight up tuckered out.  He’s absorbing artillery shells, cannon balls, small arms fire, the whole thing.  Godzilla goes down!  He’s down but he’s still alive.  

Jones is too much of an arrogant douche to realize he should go for the kill shot.  Instead he just starts bragging to his followers, “Look, I didn’t want to tell you guys this before, but I basically am God.”  Jones is looking particularly killer in this scene.  His hair is slicked back, he’s got his metal Elvis sunglasses on, he’s wearing some kind of new age frock or whatever its called.  He’s got the full attention of his dimwitted followers and keeps going, “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.  I am who is and who was and who is to come.  Now if you would all kindly form two lines and drink all this deadly poison so you can go die in the hot sun and bloat up like a bunch of gruesome parade floats, I’d really appreciate it.”  They’re all like, “we’re on it,” and they begin lining up. 

 

But it’s too late, they’ve waited too long.  Godzilla has gotten his second wind.  He’s back on his feet and even when Jones and his goons open up on him, he just brushes it off and there is like a ten minute murder montage where Godzilla wreaks the most violent vengeance the world has ever seen.  None of the Jonestown religion slaves survive.  Jones and his men are killed.  In fact, Godzilla lays waste to the whole continent of South America.  It’s a smoking ruins as our scene ends with Godzilla on the northern shore, facing north.  He can see North America in the distance (poetic license), and, with a rather determined look on his face, he begins swimming to America.

 

Scene – We’re back in the war room.  The giant screens show Godzilla swimming towards America.  The Generals are all shitting their pants.  One dude steps up, he says, “Gentlemen, Operation Blood Bath is currently swimming towards our southern border.  Any ideas?”  Out of nowhere the most badass General appears.  He’s dressed like the others, but instead of a regular hat he’s wearing a beret with some weird patch on it.  It shows he’s the heaviest of the heavy.  He goes, “We’ve trained for this.  I’ve invited a new friend to the party.   A new friend named NUCLEAR ARMAGEDDON!!”  Then the giant screens just show missile silos opening up, and ICBM’s go flying out from all over the US, all headed straight for Godzilla.  The guy with the beret cackles insanely.  Dude loves nuclear war!  The other Generals are kind of looking at each other like, “what the fuck, did anyone authorize a nuclear Armageddon?”

 

Scene – Godzilla emerges from the ocean on the coast of Florida.  Just when he gets out of the water, nuclear bombs start hitting him.  He’s got mushroom clouds blazing all around him.  The General with the beret didn’t plan to decimate Florida, but hey, fog of war and all that stuff, just keeping it real.  It turns out America forgot that Godzilla was created by nuclear war.  He thrives on nuclear war.  The nuclear bombs hitting him make him grow, and they make him stronger.  He grows to ten times his normal size.  Now he is no longer breathing fire, instead he’s breathing like nuclear explosion mushroom clouds.  Absolute mayhem ensues, he wipes out the whole southeastern United States, it’s like Sherman’s march to the sea to the one hundredth power.   

 

Scene – Back to the war room.  There is a priest there and he’s giving all the Generals and Rambo types the last rites.  There’s a lot of whimpering, guys calling for their mommy.  It’s sad to see America’s military might reduced to this, but hey, nothing lasts forever.  But wait!  One of the guys starts preaching a new religion.  He claims Godzilla is the return of Jesus Christ, as prophesied in the bible.  They all buy it.  They see this as their way out.  Pretty soon they’ve got like a Godzilla Cult going, they worship Godzilla.  Finally on their giant screens they see that Godzilla has arrived at their hidden location.  They all go outside chanting prayers to Godzilla, holding signs, the whole thing.  The General with the beret goes, “All powerful Godzilla, welcome to the United States, though you’ve already burned up half of it.  We know you are the son of god, that previously you died on the cross for us, we welcome you back to earth, we’ll try not to murder you this time.”  Godzilla has heard enough and he just flat out vaporizes the whole group with his nuclear flamethrower breath.  

 

That’s it, that’s the end.  I can’t recall the exact details but I had the cast of Hee Haw somehow involved in the original version of this.  That was an incredible show from the ‘70s that I loved.  I honestly can’t remember how I worked them in, but I think maybe Godzilla joined the cast of Hee Haw and became part of the show, I can’t remember for sure.  

[HoosierCat]

The Hee Haw scene was a post-credits stinger. In it two hillbillies are sitting on the porch of a rickety cabin, the only thing standing in an otherwise burnt out wasteland. In the remains of a front yard a shrine has been erected made from cinder blocks, old coffee cans and half-buried whitewashed tires. In the center of the shrine, surrounded by candles, is one of those foot-tall plastic Godzilla toys from the Seventies. The one that shot off its fists when you pushed a lever on the back, which is why this one is missing its left paw. The hillbillies begin to sing a sad worship song to the toy Godzilla.

Spoiler

"Where, oh where, are you tonight?
Why did you leave me here all alone?
I searched the world over and I thought I found true love, 
You met another, and -- [raspberry sound]!! You was gone.“

 

[COB]

That lady in her robe with curlers in her hair.  She’s in the shack ironing, yelling at her husband that he needs to get a job.  They cut to the husband and it’s Godzilla sitting there in a wifebeater looking hungover as hell.  

[Jagsince95]

Whew hang in there guys I know this feeling all to well. Good news once JB is back and healthy next year y'all should back in the thick of things. Cheers from a jags fan!