Carson Palmer Thread

[membengal]

That is awesome on a number of different levels.

[DC_Bengals_Fan]

"This particular retard" has nearly 4,000 posts under the easily recognized tag "DC_Bengals_Fan". He's no troll, nor any retard.

Thanks, though my wife would probably differ on the vote of confidence.

Apologies to all from any confusion created by my recent move to WI, but I figured the "DC" moniker didn't make much sense any more. Special thanks to TJ for updating me on the Cincinnati dining scene in the years since I've lived there.

[membengal]

Calibrating handle changes makes me grumpy. I think its because I am now north of 40 and entering "get off my lawn" mode. I still have not accepted derekshanks is no longer derekshanks.

So "DC" you shall remain in my head.

[derekshank]

Calibrating handle changes makes me grumpy. I think its because I am now north of 40 and entering "get off my lawn" mode. I still have not accepted derekshanks is no longer derekshanks.

So "DC" you shall remain in my head.

I kind of regret it. "babyshanks" just isn't as cool as I thought at the time (I had recently heard it was the nickname of a mafia don).

And the primary reason I made the change in the first place was because I wasn't sure how comfortable I was with the idea of everyone knowing my full name. Yet, here I am 18 months later, and people still semi-regularly call me Derek. So... lesson learned. (for the record... no one calls me Derek. Nearly everyone I know calls me Shank, or some derivative of it).

Anyway... Have it your way you crotchety old bastard.

[ArmyBengal]

Nice to see the name return Derek !!!

I thought a name change would be fun, but "African White Space Christ" seems a little long.

[membengal]

The return of the derekshanks moniker makes this entire Carson Palmer situation a fair trade-off.

[jjakq27]

Some guys just know how to enjoy a lockout.

Chris Cooley Prank Calls Carson Palmer, Denver Broncos To Try To Create Fake Trade

by Mike Prada • Jun 3, 2011 12:31 PM EDT

There are prank calls, and then there is what Chris Cooley did to Carson Palmer and the Denver Broncos. Prank calls usually involve one phone call, maybe two to keep up the joke for as long as possible. What Chris Cooley did is not a prank call. It is something far beyond that, a new kind of joke that cannot be defined because it is too awesome and hilarious to put into words.

Essentially, Cooley made several phone calls to Palmer, Broncos GM John Elway, Broncos coach John Fox and Bengals coach Marvin Lewis to pretend that Palmer and the Broncos both wanted to make a trade to send Palmer to Denver. Here's the exchange Cooley described to NFL Network's Rich Eisen, as transcribed by Brian Tinsman of Redskins Blog.

So I tried to call [reportedly disgruntled Bengals QB] Carson Palmer, but I just got to voicemail. In all of these sequence of calls that I made, I only got to voicemail. I hate call-screeners. I tried to do my best John Elway voice.

I told him I was [broncos executive VP] John Elway, and I said 'Listen, I hate Tim Tebow. I want you, I want you out here in Denver. And I know I shouldn't be calling you, we can't talk. You gotta keep it down. But we're gonna make this work.'

In and of itself, that's an amazing prank, considering Palmer has been so outspoken against the Bengals and considering all the criticism Tebow faces. But wait, there's more.

So then I laugh for a minute, turn right around and call John Elway back. I talk to John. This is my childhood idol, by the way, and I said, 'Hey, it's Carson. I got your message and I hate Cincinnati, I don't wanna be here. I'd love to come out to Denver.' I mean, I accentuated these calls a bit, I'm giving you the short version.

How Cooley managed to impersonate both Palmer and Elway is kind of amazing. But really, it's the last part of the prank that ends up making the whole thing awesome.

And then, to finish the sequence, I called [bengals head coach] Marvin Lewis. I really made these calls. I said 'Listen, I'd prefer to be an unnamed General Manager,' but in the background I had someone yell 'Hey Bruce!' And I said, 'There's just a lot of tampering going on between the Denver Broncos and your quarterback.'

See! He was trying to help the Redskins and sabotage two other teams! Best. Prank. Ever.

Chris Cooley is Awesome. He puts a lot of thought and effort into his prank calls.. Whether its Carson, Donovan McNabb, A.J. Feeley, whoever.......This dude is Hilarious

He can laugh now but he'll probably get fined $100,000 by RG once the lockout and CBA is settled.

[HairOnFire]

Calibrating handle changes makes me grumpy. I think its because I am now north of 40 and entering "get off my lawn" mode.

I've never given much thought to matters that relate to usernames or avatars. In fact, over the years I've allowed others to occasionally pick both things for me, from using an insult once directed at me as my username (Umapigg), to using an avatar based upon the image of a cartoon figure (Heat Mieser) I had never heard of.

As for others, I still miss the calming always smiling image of golfer Vijay Singh due to the way I had once instantly identified that image with brand Shank. And far worse, I now find myself confronted with the screaming over-the-top image of loincloth wearing rightwing wacko Ted Nugent. Seriously, did any of us NEED yet another unavoidable example of conservative douchebaggery in our daily lives? Yet I accept Shank's changes with only a few regrets. So much so that I now find myself actually looking forward to Ted's perpetually grinng bats**t expression precisely because it too has become the instantly recognizable logo of brand Shank.

Branding works.

For example, in your daily wanderings should any of you come across the image of a pipe smoking skull with slicked back hair I hereby defy any of you to think of anything else but the particular version of stupidity known as HairOnFire. Or for that matter, when you come across the fiery image of an angry puppet. Or for those who have read my stuff from the start, I know many of you will think of me whenever you see images of a naked Uma Thurman.

Thus, branding is a responsibility to be taken seriously only by those who demand to be taken seriously. For the rest of us, not so much.

[COB]

I still miss the calming always smiling image of golfer Vijay Singh due to the way I had once instantly identified that image with brand Shank.

I've been confused with worse. Derek might be insulted, though.

Update on Vijay: I went over and watched him play a practice round at The Memorial the Tuesday before the tournament. He's lost so much clubhead speed, and distance, that he hardly looks like the same golfer from even 2 years ago.

He was wearing tennis shoes instead of golf shoes; probably foot problems. He can't endure the long practice sessions that propelled him to world number 1 during Tiger Woods' peak.

He was scheduled to play in a 36 hole qualifier for the U.S. Open the Monday after the Memorial (yesterday), but instead he decided to skip it and go home. Thus he will break a string of playing in 67 consecutive majors. Vijay is worn out.

[HairOnFire]

I still miss the calming always smiling image of golfer Vijay Singh due to the way I had once instantly identified that image with brand Shank.

I've been confused with worse. Derek might be insulted, though.

Faced with this new information I must slightly change my stance to....branding doesn't work on the stoned portion of a target audience.

Of course, I speak only for myself.

[walzav29]

I just can't imagine what this guy is going to feel like in November. 31 years old, and he just quits. I know the Bengal organization is atrocious, but he isn't better than Willie Anderson. As a competitor I don't see how he sits at Thanksgiving dinner with his family in 2046 and his grandkids talk about Uncle Jordan playing until he no longer could and Grandpa quitting like a little bitch. Jordan is trying his heart out for the same crappy organization. He's not even under contract. Carson has received 10's of millions of dollars and honestly didn't deliver. I believe his wife nagging him played a big part, but he just looks bad. I mean for his own self respect. Play out the contract, just for history sake.

[SportsLife]

Hey Guys, while I am not a Bengals fan, I did write a piece for my Sports Blog on the whole Carson Palmer and Bengals situation. I thought it might be cool for you guys to get an outside perspective on what a fan of another team thinks.

The link is: http://kalensportslife.blogspot.com/2011/05/carson-palmer-dilemna.html

Hope you all enjoy it and look forward to coming here for you guys feedback.

[COB]

Hey Guys, while I am not a Bengals fan, I did write a piece for my Sports Blog on the whole Carson Palmer and Bengals situation. I thought it might be cool for you guys to get an outside perspective on what a fan of another team thinks.

The link is: http://kalensportslife.blogspot.com/2011/05/carson-palmer-dilemna.html

Hope you all enjoy it and look forward to coming here for you guys feedback.

I read it and I think you've analyzed the situation accurately. Nothing to be gained by giving an inch, make them come in with a big offer not only to get Palmer, but to even make the Bengals consider trading him.

[HoosierCat]

Pacman: If Carson don't want to be here, damn him.

[membengal]

I have a new favorite Bengal player. Well done, Pacman.

“If Carson don’t want to be here, damn him, period, point blank. I love the city of Cincinnati,” Jones told Eric Schmoldt of 102.3 in Denver via SportsRadioInterviews.com. “His little brother is here working out, which is a good sign. But if you don’t want to be here, I don’t want you here. I want some guys that want to play and want to win, period, point blank and that’s the end of that discussion.”

[ArmyBengal]

Adam Jones ladies and gentlemen, a new team leader.

Now lets go celebrate with some guns at a strip club !!!

MAKE IT RAIN !!!

Seriously, I absolutely LOVE hearing that from the players.

[ct_bengal]

i was watching some 2009 games, and let me tell you dalton can put up those wins if benson/the defense regain that form again, and i think they will.

[jjakq27]

CC and Boomer chime in on Carson Palmer's situation.

Collinsworth
/>http://content.usatoday.com/communities/thehuddle/post/2011/06/cris-collinsworth-bengals-will-likely-deal-qb-carson-palmer/1

Boomer
/>http://cincinnati.com/blogs/bengals/2011/06/16/boomer-talks-dalton-palmer/

[ct_bengal]

boomer makes it sound as if he had it so bad in cincinnati, dude played in a superbowl for s**t's sake....

[HairOnFire]

CC and Boomer chime in on Carson Palmer's situation.

Collinsworth
/>http://content.usatoday.com/communities/thehuddle/post/2011/06/cris-collinsworth-bengals-will-likely-deal-qb-carson-palmer/1

Boomer
/>http://cincinnati.com/blogs/bengals/2011/06/16/boomer-talks-dalton-palmer/

I know he's not an ex-Bengal, but did anyone else catch Teddy Bruschi's rant about Carson Palmer on the NFL Network a few days ago? Nutshelled, Bruschi claims the reason so many Bengal players are willing to say Palmer shouldn't be allowed to return as starter is because Palmer "lost the team" last season, thereby prompting his later trade demand. Bruschi went on to claim that the current willingness of Bengal players to move on without Palmer is rooted in feelings of betrayal that have built up over Palmer saying he still wants to play, but would rather retire than play with this team AND it's players. Last, Bruschi said he agreed with the way the Bengals have handled the Palmer situation, from drafting a new QB as insurance to refusing to trade Palmer.

Full disclosure: Since retiring to the booth ex-Patriot Teddy Bruschi has been one of Carson Palmer's harshest critics, once going so far as to mock the idea that Palmer is a good QB, nevermind an elite one. Furthermore, Bruschi has claimed on numerous occasions that Palmer is a veteran QB who still makes rookie mistakes, still can't read complex defenses, lacks patience, and is easily and consistently fooled on gameday.

[ArmyBengal]

Even if Dalton isn't the starting QB this coming season, I had to get the new #14 jersey.

Bye bye Palmer jersey, now you are reunited with Chad's in the city dump !!!

[BengalszoneBilly]

Even if Dalton isn't the starting QB this coming season, I had to get the new #14 jersey.

Bye bye Palmer jersey, now you are reunited with Chad's in the city dump !!!

I'll buy it off you. How's ten bucks sound?

[ArmyBengal]

Even if Dalton isn't the starting QB this coming season, I had to get the new #14 jersey.

Bye bye Palmer jersey, now you are reunited with Chad's in the city dump !!!

I'll buy it off you. How's ten bucks sound?

I'm taking much pleasure in throwing that rag in the trash along with sh*tty diapers and other such filth.

However, you can still get a cheap Palmer jersey from the same place I do for $35.00.

I'm sure you could find all kinds of good uses for it.

Along with the new Dalton, they have the new Green as well.

I think they have Shipley to.

Best part is, Mike Brown doesn't see a penny for my support.

Anyway...

[jjakq27]

http://cincinnati.com/blogs/bengals/2011/06/29/palmers-house-sold-to-local-buyer/

The Palmer abode in Indian Hill has been sold.

[HoosierCat]

Douchmanzadeh says Carson won't be back, but Chad will.

"I honestly think that Chad will stay in Cincinnati," Houshmandzadeh told National Football Post in a telephone interview. "Chad can play. He gets a little distracted from time to time, or all the time, but he can play. And they know it. He just has to stay focused. I can’t see him not playing in Cincinnati. Marvin wants to win. The team wants to win, contrary to what people believe. He's going to be the best receiver there."

In related Doush news, he also had this to say:

"The last two years have been the most disappointing years I've had. I know people will say I can't play no more. If I get to the right team, I'll shock a lot of people.

Memo to TJ: "The right team" was the Cincinnati Bengals, you stupid idiot. You screwed your career up and screwed the Bengals up as well. When you choked in the playoffs last year I cheered. Go eat a bag of d**ks.

Bitter? Yeah, I'm still bitter. And I plan on being bitter for a long time.