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2/24/25. A day to celebrate. I’ll be heading over to the Arby’s on state route 79 in Heath and ordering these bad boys from that ill -tempered teenager in the drive through who mocked me for trying to order them a year after they were removed from the menu. Who’s the idiot now, Tristan? I’m not the one wearing a visor backwards in February in Ohio.

If Dax and Myles Murphy were linchpins for the defense, this whole scenario would look different. Dax would be entering the year before his club option decision was looming and the team trying to figure out how to pay him. Myles Murphy would make the Trey situation look much different and have the team to looking for his replacement in the draft, without thought of paying him market money. Even if the light goes on for Myles this year, they have him locked up for three seasons including the option year. Since that is not the case, they could afford to pay both Chase and Tee, because, well… who else are you going to pay?

And Bengals creepypasta is born…No. 14 is Slandyman.

A Panthers wide receiver jolts awake, gasping and in a cold sweat. He quickly sits up, or actually he does not, he tries, but it's no use. His body does not obey his commands. He is stuck to the bed and short of breath. He sees the digital clock display on his nightstand. 14:14 AM. That's when the sleep paralysis demon crawls on top of him, all its weight pressing him into the mattress. He tries to scream, but his mouth will not open. Another voice slips warmly into his ear. Don't be afraid. Let's just have fun and play together.

Extend him before free agency opens so you know exactly what your cap situation is.

Good news: I just saw him down at the Stud Pass Rusher store. He was pushing a shopping cart around. Bad news: Mike was with him, I heard him say we don’t need anything here, we have Myles Murphy at home.

LOL. I actually went for walk around the garden. Couldn’t watch the last 2 plays

ArmyBengal Jr. and I are up here in Columbus for the Buckeyes game tonight. Glutton for punishment with these cold weather games but it’s going to be electric in the Shoe tonight !! Hoping the Buckeyes get the win. On a side note and how you know you’re getting old… ArmyBengal Jr. was accepted to Ohio State. Just found out. Definitely a proud Dad moment !!

Before you post something like this again I’d appreciate it if you’d take my $39.99 online course; “Oxcart; The Mysterious Obstacle to NFL Success.” It’s a masterclass in old timey, aw shucks financial management of a modern billion dollar business. Lesson number one is entitled, “Do Nothing. Seriously, Don’t Do Shit”

I think Taylor builds a strong culture, he's a solid free agency recruiter, and he has great respect for tradition. I don't think he does much well on Sundays though. He isn't a great playcaller, he's an even worse game planner (especially early in seasons), he makes bad decisions with respect to risk/reward, and he doesn't seem to have a coherent philosophy. Every week I get the feeling he is winging it.

Well I was thinking and I’m ditching my Burrow jersey and going back to my Geno Atkins jersey for week #4. A win is on the way.

Chase: ; Lemme get him on a conf call Burrow: ok, but make it quick as I have to get to my hair dying guy to get the blonde refreshed Chase: dude....seriously? (ring) (ring) Terrace: hey buddy, wuzzup Chase: come on up here, they wanna look atcha Terrace: you guys are too deep at wide, man. I gotta go play for a bad team like Caro.....oh wait Chase: we getcha on the PS. Easy Peazy Terrace: cant make no money there man Chase: you can get by on 300k, dude. Plus I can getcha some extra scratch with a side hustle with this movin' company with pink trucks Terrace: look whos talkin......your teeth alone cost 300k Chase: yeah, you dont need no teeth like mine. Tee is headin' out next year and we'll need a WR2 Terrace: no man, you'd be WR2, I'd be 1 Chase, uhm yeah, sure dude. So come up here, they get a look at you on the PS for a coupla three weeks, we see how it goes. Burrow: and I throw the passes. You remember, those, right? Does the number 13 and 2019 ring any bells? Terrace: sure they do, Shady. Chase: Joe has an electric Pickup from some closed down Lordstown company.....you can sleep in that. Terrace: Shady has a big house in Anderson, why cant he put me up? Chase: dang it dude, thats where TJ Jackson lives, plus Mixon almost got his ass shot off there. He so scared, he ran off to Texas Terrace: {shudder} say no more, man, say no more Burrow: and I'll talk them into a signing bonus, so you can afford to make coffee and egg muffin runs with Ocho Chase: and you mighta heard? The Super Bowls in Nawlins this year. You remember that too, right? Terrace: Yeah Yeah. Aight. On my way.

I would bet a large sum of cash that there is about no chance of him missing games regardless of no extension.

Have no idea what show Burrow appeared on, but this shit was hilarious. A Steelers fan (i'm assumed he's the host), wearing a TJ Watt shirt says to Burrow: "If you were to predict right now the AFC North (you can put Bengals first), how do you think the other three fall?" To which Burrow quickly responds: "Bengals first and then I don't care !!" So cool and yet so savage at the same time. Love this kid !!

/ref throws flag, turns on mic/ “For the fifth play in a row, too many men on the field. No, Jesus, you do not get to have 12, we play football with 11. Repeat the down, first and 35.”

Desai had a rough end to the Philly portion of his career. But his rise in coaching is interesting and probably keeps the theme of getting young players prepared.

Always will root for Dalton. Him and his wife are really good people that do great things in their communities. Happy for him, while simultaneously acknowledging that I don't want him anywhere near my football team.

Burton was definitely the plan. All he had to do was flash some meaningful upside and not be a moron, and the Bengals would have followed through. I think it was a crap plan just like Bates/Hill, but it was the plan. But then Burton Burtoned as hard as he possibly could. We’ll see. If that idiot actually motivates Tee’s extension, we might owe him a beer.

Set in stone? No, not at all. Part of a plan (one which could change)? YES. There's no refuting the fact everyone knew how this was going to play out. Well, anyone that knows how this has played out previously. I can recall making comments on this board earlier than that, that if Tee were to keep being a factor for this offense (which he still is even a reduced role) there would be no way for them to keep him, Chase and Burrow. Why? Because the market dictates what these players are worth, not the fans. I would love him to take a Pittman style deal, but why do that when one of these teams with money to burn will back up the truck to your doorstep? Unless playing with the buddies he has made here and being a contender is more valuable, then I still see him leaving. As always for all players... how much does winning really mean to you? EDIT: We hear all the time they just want to be able to take care of their families. I'm still not sure what the hell that means, because he has made nearly $32 million over the course of being in the NFL since 2020. Over that same course of time, I haven't made a million, but take care of mine and other families like a madman. Maybe we have different definitions of what that means.

First paragraph above - I was referring to Burrow turning the recent years’ Bengals around, the team that, immediately before he arrived, went: 2016 - 6-9 2017 - 7-9 2018 - 6-10 2019 - 2-14 second paragraph above - I don’t think anyone has ever said the FO should be downgraded for drafting or extending Burrow. Not sure who you are arguing with. third paragraph - archaic is what this front office is. Refusal to play cap games, shuffle salary onto signing bonus, backload deals, etc, all modern methods that produce good teams but take a lot of work, flexibility, and willingness to adapt. None of those qualities describe the Brown family FO. Do those methods work? Pretty much every good team employs them. We lost a Super Bowl to a team that went all in using all the cap shenanigans they could. I like Mike Brown, I respect him. I admire him. But his tenure as our defacto GM was a disaster (for the fans, it was successful regarding Brown family goals), and his daughter as our defacto GM employs most of the same strategies and it is not going much better. Watching this roster degrade since the Super Bowl has been depressing.

I’m a consultant in the food industry. My latest report: the teenager working the drive through window at the Arby’s on State Route 79 in Heath, Ohio, should refrain from mocking the customers who haven’t kept up with Arby’s menu changes and don’t know that they haven’t sold potato cakes in a couple years.

Hell yeah I am. Once I get this degenerative disc disease, rheumatoid arthritis and PTSD under control and cut back on the whiskey, I’m all in. Come to think of it, a couple of those things might actually help. Anger issues and pain killing agents probably are a bonus when tackling. Yep, put me in coach !!

Please die, Baltimore Ravens.

To me it’s obvious now that Golden has been the guy since probably before they fired Lou. They didn’t even bring Saleh or Eberflus in for an interview. Disappointing to me in the sense that you don’t know what you don’t know until you talk to people and learn something. Maybe Golden really is the best out there, but if you don’t compare him to the best, how do you even know?

Priority #1: Go Ravens’ opponent Priority #2: Go Lions Priority #3: Go Chiefs’ opponent

Here’s what I won’t do. I won’t let my contempt for Mike Brown and the approach this franchise typically takes, cloud what they have at least tried to do. They have made some solid draft picks, even if initially I didn’t care for them. They drafted Higgins with Burrow and then gave Burrow another weapon in Chase the next year. They already had Mixon, but drafted Chase Brown, who had a great season this year. They have spent money to bring in free agent o-linemen, tight ends, and made a trade for Herbert before the trade deadline after Zack Moss went down, which they never do. They have also brought in contributors on defense as well. Hendrickson, Reader and Hilton were all above average additions. While the coaches haven’t gotten the results they should be getting, we just saw the willingness of the team to hold them accountable. I wasn’t expecting to see that happen that quick, if at all. Not sure where there’s a 90% change that nothing happens comes from when change is the hot topic today with coaches get canned. Again, I hate Mike Brown, hate some of the coaches they brought in and hate the results they’ve gotten. Well, outside of getting to two AFC championship games and a Super Bowl over the last five years. There are plenty of teams in the league that can’t say that. However, I won’t sit here and claim they’ve done nothing to at least try to help build around Burrow. Yeah, everyone has an asshole but some are dumber than others. Not pointing that at anyone here specifically, but I think at least a little hate is misguided.

Yeah they really fucked that one up. No reason for Chase to even be polite about it when negotiating either. I would grate their asses over the coals.

I admire your willingness to stay up for the weekly dumpster fire, glasgow

Why do you throw on 3rd and 1 when you need to run the clock? You are in a last possession situation. Zac Taylor absolutely has no feel for momentum or situational football. It’s why he loses close games.

With a home loss to the Steelers, this should be the priority of coaches to be fired... All of them, except Darrin Simmons. Find a way to fire Pollack twice if possible. Kick Lou Anarumo in the nuts. Next step, hire the coaching staff from the movie "Draft Day" with Kevin Costner. Getting Costner as a GM would be a bonus. He can really work the shit out of a draft. He just has to continue staying away from any player with Diddy as their agent.

My recent interview with Mike Cob: “Thank you for meeting with me Mr. Brown.” MB: “My pleasure. Call me Mike, please.” Cob: “Very well, Mike. When I look back on my life, I feel as though I am looking into a dark abyss of space and time.” MB: “Is that a question?” COB: “Do you feel that way? That your life is devoid of all purpose? That nothing truly has any instrinsic value?” MB: “I don’t know. My purpose right now is that big Fresca contract for the stadium.” COB: “You were once known as a bit of a progressive on societal matters. Yet you quietly sat on the sidelines as Ohio has been turned into a gerrymandered theocracy hellhole. Will you spend a high draft pick on another offensive lineman next year? MB: “Uh, yes. We will shore up that line with draft picks. Yes.” COB: “You reside in a mansion. Amongst the wealthiest of our society. Yet you repeatedly drive twenty five miles per hour on Shawnee Run Road in the left lane with your blinker on. Why?” MB: “How do you know about that?” COB: “The other owners are tired of doing all the work while you sit on the sidelines, an iconoclast who does nothing but poke them with a sharp stick. They do the heavy lifting that increases the value of your franchise, yet in your own small way your obstruct them at every turn. Why” MB: “What?” COB “You frequently reference a hypothetical oxcart, and a hypothetical ditch. What is the meaning of this?” MB: “OK! Yes, as the league moves forwa…..” /loudly interrupted by interviewer/ COB: “Is there a god?” MB: “Well, I don’t know for sure. There is the accrual accounting method.” COB: “So, accrual accounting is your god?” MB: “I never thought of it that way. But yes, I guess it is.” COB: “The American Society of Sock Garter Collectors has a god. And you, Mike Brown, are that God!” MB: “Ha ha! Yes, I have a quite a collection of sock garters, and yes most in the ASSGC consider my collection to be the gold standard.” COB: “Why is your sock garter collection not in the Smithsonian?” MB: “It will be. We’ve been quietly negotiating the terms of the loan of my collection to the Smithsonian.” COB: “I’m afraid to ask this question, but I will. How long have you been negotiating?” MB: “11 years.” COB: “The lighthearted portion of the interview has concluded. When will you die?” MB: “Gosh I don’t know. I feel good.” COB: “Do you think you may be immortal?” MB: “Yes, I might be. I’ve thought about that.” COB: “If you are immortal, you will be destroyed by watching your children grow old and die. Will you consider signing some free agents to help in the defensive backfield?” MB: “Gee, I leave all that up to my personnel guys, the scouts and such.” COB: “Is that a no?” MB: “Correct.” COB: “Thank you Mr. Brown, that concludes part one of our interview?” MB: “Part what?”

We’ll be fine if we just upgrade LG, C, RG, OL depth, RB depth, WR depth, IDL, DE, CB, S, and LS. Maybe even K and OLB. Simple!

They’d be as well letting them score a TD here as it’s the only way they get the ball back

Who needs “Tee Higgins” or “Jermaine Burton” when you have DREW SAMPLE?

Can’t extend Tee because you have to save your cap space to fail to extend Chase!

Must be a dog thing going on. Had a vet visit which put me out nearly $400. Good thing I like that little bastard because a bullet is much cheaper.

Can you imagine being a builder, a general contractor. You bid on Cincinnati’s new (hypothetical) stadium and you get it. Mike Brown is in charge of the project and you have to negotiate every change order, every material substitution, every schedule change, with him. You’d be smiling as you jumped off a bridge somewhere.

The Steelers forgot to provide a sacrifice to the blood demon this week.

For so many years before I retired from the Army, all I wanted to do was get season tickets like my dad had when I was growing up. I never did. I have been to many games but not nearly the amount it could have cost me had I gone that route. I still love my Bengals, but I’m picky about when and which games I attend. Like I’ve heard so many times… When I die, I want Bengals players to be my pallbearers so they can let me down one last time.

If he keeps delivering crap teams like this, Zac may have only 11 or 12 more seasons as our head coach.

Hate dropping a ball in the endzone. Hate fumbling at the goal line. Hate giving New England constant comfortable third downs. Hate throwing short of the sticks all day. Hate Dax Hill trying to tackle anything. Hate Trey Hendrickson dominating his man but never finishing. Hate Zack Carter playing football. Hate kicking off out of the endzone and handing the opponent the 30 yard line. Hate punting with two minutes to play and counting on this defense. Hate punt returners that don’t protect the ball. Hate week 1 preparation. Hate offensive game plan. Hate Joe Burrow’s wrist. Hate staring at 0-2 in the conference.

What ?!?! Irv Smith Jr. got cut by the Chiefs ?? Say it ain’t so… Garbage

he does need a new alternator on the Lumina, so.......

I Think Matt Lee lee-pfrogs no knees Hill for backup OC spot Looks like he handled his guy on every snap, but then also look at 1 min 26 seconds on this tape, hos he effortlessly jumps to an unchecked insider rusher from the block he was on even better at 2:14 mark

I’ve contacted that concrete plant beside our practice facility. The conversation centered around a long list of reasons they should consider adding an Arby’s to their facility.

I wonder what Marvin's camp t-shirt slogan would be this season if he was still around. "Play Football Today" "Do My Job" "Donuts Are For Winners" "We Are Doing Bengals Again" *Text-free photograph of Marvin clapping*

Just your weekly reminder... Three weeks from today is the Hall of Fame game. I now return you to your boring ass life without football.

It's been over a year since we've heard Mike Brown's thoughts and since we just had the draft, I thought we'd check back in... "Pumpkin, come in here please." Katie walks into Mike's Paycor Stadium office only to find him feverishly building a coffin for himself. "DAD !?!?, what the hell are you doing building a coffin?" Mike looks at her with a crazed, yet completely serious look and mutters.... "I've finally done it, I have found a way to be immortal and I fooled EVERYONE. MUAAAAAHAAAHAAA !!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" "I can't believe even you didn't see my master plan and way to live forever." "I DRAFTED A VAMPIRE !! MUAAAAAHAAAHAAA !!" "What the hell are you talking about Dad?" "The first round kid we took, he's a vampire." "No he's not dad, I think you are confused." "NO, I've never been more clear. After watching the documentary "Queen of the Damned", I learned about "Marius" the elder vampire." "He's going to turn me and my rule over the NFL will be FOREVER !! MUAAAAAHAAAHAAA !!" "I've installed windows throughout my office that will automatically filter out the sunlight during the day and we will have a constant stream of homeless people in for "dinner" MUAAAAAHAAAHAAA !!" "No more exoskeleton's, no more plans to save my head in a persistent state, NO MORE FUCKING RASCAL FREEDOM POWER WHEELCHAIR !!" "I will finally have my revenge on that TJ fucker from the Bengalszone board as well !!" "Dad, I hate to tell you, but his name is "Amarius", not Marius. Not to mention "Queen of the Damned" is a made up movie, not a documentary." "***damnit... can you get my rascal and a Boost drink from the refrigerator?" "Tell me then, who the hell is Amarius Mims?" Mike proceeds to piss himself as he stares blankly out the window...

Merged. Almost forgot how to do that. It's been a while. Back in the early days, that was an every day occurrence.

I hammered down a half pound Arby’s sandwich then watched us draft this dude from Bama. So righteous.