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Positivity Thread - What to look forward to

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Name something that's going well for the Bengals here:

1.  The Bengals won't get an end of the year win this season.  They play at Pittsburgh.   Any chance of a dead cat bounce will not happen.

Others?  

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Last year’s dead cat bounce seemed to help Marvin get a couple extra years instead of getting ushered out the door.

Current positives - surely the abject failure of the Mike/Marvin unholy alliance will demonstrate to all right-thinking individuals within the Bengals’ organization that substantive changes need to be made in both the coaching staff and the overall method of operation.  

We’ve got some really good players, including but not limited to Green, Boyd, Mixon, the new safety who’s name I can’t recall, Dunlap, Hubbard, and Atkins.  It’s not like the cupboard is bare.  A new coach could help this group.  They’re under-achieving.  

I just like the Bengals.  I like the uniforms, the colors, everything that comes with the team, I like.  Marvin excluded from that previous statement.

 

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9 minutes ago, COB said:

Last year’s dead cat bounce seemed to help Marvin get a couple extra years instead of getting ushered out the door.

Current positives - surely the abject failure of the Mike/Marvin unholy alliance will demonstrate to all right-thinking individuals within the Bengals’ organization that substantive changes need to be made in both the coaching staff and the overall method of operation.  

We’ve got some really good players, including but not limited to Green, Boyd, Mixon, the new safety who’s name I can’t recall, Dunlap, Hubbard, and Atkins.  It’s not like the cupboard is bare.  A new coach could help this group.  They’re under-achieving.  

I just like the Bengals.  I like the uniforms, the colors, everything that comes with the team, I like.  Marvin excluded from that previous statement.

 

This is pretty much where I'm at too.  There is talent on the team.  And I do think Marvin has stifled the potential.  A new face at HC would be welcomed.

Any change.  Anything except this stale mix.  I'm even the slightest bit intrigued at what Driskel can do the remaining 5 games.  It's something to be interested in.  Auden Tate too.  You know, the guy that made plays today despite Marvin saying he was just a "guy".  And why not play the 3rd round pick Malik Jefferson?

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Maybe they sneak into the top 10 and a franchise QB falls to them.

They splurge in FA/trades on a RG, RT and a LB.

Zimmer gets canned and comes back to Cincy to be the HC or DC.

Marvin leaves the Bengals' to become a roving advisor, Hue then takes a job elsewhere as a WR's coach.

Mike Brown announces his retirement and makes Duke Tobin GM.  

 

 

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With Mike Brown running the show here, for me where is the positive. Mike Brown never goes outside the box, it's like he is so afraid of change. 

So great Marvin leaves, who takes over Hue, where does that put us, just in another chapter of this book he has been writing for 15 years! Chapter 16 Hue will take us to the promise land, but first I must see who we will draft, which of our great free agents we must sign, and then sign one of the cheap guys to fill some holes. 

Seriously though what's the point, Carson Palmer was right there is no winning here, not with this guy running the show. It's a revolving door guys leave they come back, because they are comfortable, the Bengals are afraid of change! 

 

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I agree there are solid players to build around. I agree that I think they are underachieving and that a change at head coach could help that. I simply have no faith that the front office possesses enough innovation to change and keep up with how the game has changed.

Whatever positives I could come up with are completely and utterly stifled by an incompetent front office unwilling to consider change.

Im still at, “Who cares?”...

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The window has now closed on the likes of Dalton, Green, Dunlap and Atkins.

The only way that these guys retire with a ring, is if they somehow end up on another team, with a chance of winning. 

A shame that we have messed up these guys’ careers.

Oh wait, it was positive vibes that that you were after? There are none. Even when Mike shuffles off this mortal coil, Katy and Troy will ensure that it’s more of the same. Short of being bought over by someone with half a brain, there is no hope for this franchise 

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On the positive side of things, there’s a RT that just got released that’s better than anything we currently have and has familiarity with the coaches.

Andre Smith anyone ??

Bwaaaaahaaaaahaaaaa !!!

Yes it’s that bad. Fucking hysterical.

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23 hours ago, glasgowbengal said:

The window has now closed on the likes of Dalton, Green, Dunlap and Atkins.

The only way that these guys retire with a ring, is if they somehow end up on another team, with a chance of winning. 

A shame that we have messed up these guys’ careers.

Oh wait, it was positive vibes that that you were after? There are none. Even when Mike shuffles off this mortal coil, Katy and Troy will ensure that it’s more of the same. Short of being bought over by someone with half a brain, there is no hope for this franchise 

Why excuse their under performance in the playoffs?   Those guys are like 0-5 in the playoffs and did play.

No one messed up their career.   They should be blamed for shrinking under the prime time lights just as much as Marvin.

Sure Mike kept Marvin but also constructed and gave him the leagues most talented roster. 

All we are is the Houston Oilers of the 90s. 

They had their chance and now we are in a cycle of young injured team with old faces leading  we are tried of watching.  Nothing more or less.

But can’t excuse players for not winning when they had the better team. 

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I agree with placing blame at the feet of all that should share and the "great" players we have had and still do that were a part of those playoffs certainly share in that.

While I may not like the game management of Lewis, I have hated the play of those same greats when they had the chance.
They fell just as short as the coaches in those moments.

I'm positive of that....

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Positive:  We get to see Driskel maybe make some plays Dalton can't.  

Negative:  With all of the injuries piling up, I think we're pretty sure how keeping Marvin in '19 is going to be rationalized.

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Yes, all the injuries will all but guarantee we see Marvin back in 2019.  NO DOUBT IN MY MIND.

Even though the Bengals can move on from Dalton at this point, he will also be the starter in 2019.

What we see now is what we will see in 2019.  I fully expect the same song and dance with the same outcome.

STOP GOING TO GAMES !!!

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Man, I can’t get over how excited I feel when I contemplate a 2019 Bengals squad coached by Marvin Lewis.  

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The energy and enthusiasm engendered by the prospect of a a Bengals squad in 2019 that is coached by Marvin Lewis is too powerful.  This force of nature must be harnessed and used for good.  

First, the supernatural power of Marvin ‘19 must be used to keep the GM plant in Lordstown open.  

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If you think you’re pumped for Marvin ‘19 now, wait until January when our new Special Assistant to the Offensive Coordinator is introduced.  Welcome back, Paul Alexander!

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I would love to contemplate how new coaching and the upcoming draft could positively impact the team in 2019.
However, I keep running into this one small problem....  I don't care because it won't matter.

Marvin19 sounds like a gamer name for some teenage dork who plays video games in his parent's basement all day.
If not that, maybe an STD.  That doesn't matter either, because all things Marvin = suck.

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The time: August of 2019

The place: Some fancy theater on Broadway

The What:  You have taken your wife to see the hottest musical on the planet, “Marvin ’19!”  It has swept the nation, and as the most prominent manifestation of the Marvin ’19 movement, the play is a huge sellout success.

The curtain opens, and the season opener at PBS is underway.  The players from both teams do a big song and dance number about how much they love America.  Then it’s halftime.

For the halftime show, that family of inbred hillbillies from Pike County who killed that other family of inbred hillbillies over one of their inbred hillbilly offspring is paraded onto the field.  They’ve received the death penalty, and to raise money for charity, Mike Brown has convinced the State of Ohio to execute them on the 50 yard line as halftime entertainment. 

A bunch of scantily-clad BenGals cheerleaders do a sad song about murder and death as they tie the condemned to each other and lay them down in a row.  Then Bruce Buffer comes out and starts announcing, “let’s get ready to ruuuummmblle!” 

A gigantic steamroller comes driving out of the tunnel, headed right for the tied-up hillbillies.  And it’s driven by none other than ruthless prosecutor and Ohio Attorney General Dave Yost!  Yep, it’s a dystopian death penalty display (have to grab the attention of the youngsters who’ve only ever read dystopian series fiction and tweets from rappers about how many Kardashian sisters they’ve doinked).

Anyway the steamroller is slow, and the orchestra plays “Cemetery Gates” by Pantera as the machine gets ready to squash the clan of murderers. 

All of a sudden the Bengals come running out of the tunnel, headed straight for the steamroller.  They jump on it and turn the key off.  Marvin makes his first appearance in the play.  He’s being portrayed by the Rock, who it turns out has a pretty good singing voice. 

Marvin jumps up on the steamroller and sings a super insightful song about loving your fellow man, even murdering hillbillies.  Then the song turns into a song and dance number, the hillbillies are untied and they dance around and sing about how sorry they are for all the murder and stuff.  Marvin’s like, “solid.”  He lets them go. 

The murdering hillbilly family heads for the tunnel.  Dave Yost can’t handle it, he jumps off the steamroller and opens up on them with an AR-15.  Heads are flown.  They’re all smoked.  As the grounds crew cleans up the mess, the teams warm up for the second half and sing a song about gun rights and the second amendment. 

By now you are in your seat in the theater thinking, “damn, this thing got real political.”  Well, all I can say to that is you’re fucking A right it did.  Did you ever see Hamilton?”

The Second Act starts and it’s set in the football operations part of PBS.  Time has jumped forward to mid season and the Bengals have lost all their games.  Jim Haslett is running a meeting for the linebackers, and the linebackers sing a song called, “I’m Falling Asleep in this Meeting.”  It’s a huge top 40 hit and you’ve heard it on the radio before you even see the play. 

Marvin comes in and finds them all asleep while Haslett is droning on about hip orientation during run fits or some shit like that.  All of a sudden everything freezes except for Marvin, he’s standing there and smoke from dry ice starts to swirl around him.  From the rafters a figure appears, being lowered by wires.  It’s the ghost of Ray Lewis, covered in chains and stuff, showing up Christmas Carol style!  He’s like, “Marvin, Jesus loves you!” 

Guess what?  It’s not Ray Lewis from when he was playing, it’s the super annoying Ray Lewis from when he retired who only talks about Jesus.  He sings a song about faith and self-reliance.  Marvin is like, damn, you’re right ghost of Ray Lewis.  He fires Hazlett on the spot and starts coaching the linebackers.  They all wake up and absorb everything.  Then Marvin and the linebackers sing a song called, “Steroids Aren’t Really All That Bad, Jesus Fucking Christ Just Do Some Steroids.” 

The next scene is the big game against the hated Steelers.  The Bengals win by 80 points behind inspired linebacker play.  Ben is played by a brain damaged Gary Bussey, who unbeknownst to you while you are watching the play, will win a Tony for his portrayal of Big Ben. 

All the while during the game, the scene is interrupted by a side set of Mike in his luxury box.  Every time they show him he’s on the phone arguing with a manufacturer of tug of war ropes about their return policy.  Finally after the game, Mike wins his argument and gets to return the tug of war rope, no charge!  He is played by Robert Duvall.  He sings an up tempo number about family and fiscal responsibility.  Katie and Troy come in and sing along with him, and they dance around his office.  There’s not a dry eye in the house as Mike sings about the amortization rates of stadium fixtures and how the IRS is blatantly screwing the Brown family. 

The next scene is in the United States Senate.  The power of Marvin ’19 has brought together all the bickering factions of the US government.  Marvin is addressing the Senate, the House, the Supreme Court, and there are lots of school groups there.  It’s all for the kids!  Marvin sings a great song about love and patriotism.  Pretty soon he’s joined on stage by the whole cast, even the murdering hillbilly clan with holes in their heads, ghost Ray Lewis with his chains, Dave Yost and his AR-15, Jim Haslett, they’re all there. 

The whole cast does the big climactic song and dance number.  It’s called “Marvin ’19 Has Saved America!”  The US Government officials proclaim that they are all united in a mission to serve only the people, and they thank Marvin.  There’s a lot of gyrating by the BenGals because what the hell, then the play ends with Mike showing up and doing a dead on version of James Cagney’s “Yankee Doodle Dandy” from the 1942 musical.  The crowd goes crazy. 

You’re wife is probably going, “WTF?”  But you’re like so overcome with emotion you can’t even explain it to her.  All you can get out is, “Marvin ’19, my god, yes.  Yes!”

 

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Isn't this the last year of Ooglie-Booglie's contract ??

That's a positive thing

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8 hours ago, COB said:

The time: August of 2019

The place: Some fancy theater on Broadway

The What:  You have taken your wife to see the hottest musical on the planet, “Marvin ’19!”  It has swept the nation, and as the most prominent manifestation of the Marvin ’19 movement, the play is a huge sellout success.

The curtain opens, and the season opener at PBS is underway.  The players from both teams do a big song and dance number about how much they love America.  Then it’s halftime.

For the halftime show, that family of inbred hillbillies from Pike County who killed that other family of inbred hillbillies over one of their inbred hillbilly offspring is paraded onto the field.  They’ve received the death penalty, and to raise money for charity, Mike Brown has convinced the State of Ohio to execute them on the 50 yard line as halftime entertainment. 

A bunch of scantily-clad BenGals cheerleaders do a sad song about murder and death as they tie the condemned to each other and lay them down in a row.  Then Bruce Buffer comes out and starts announcing, “let’s get ready to ruuuummmblle!” 

A gigantic steamroller comes driving out of the tunnel, headed right for the tied-up hillbillies.  And it’s driven by none other than ruthless prosecutor and Ohio Attorney General Dave Yost!  Yep, it’s a dystopian death penalty display (have to grab the attention of the youngsters who’ve only ever read dystopian series fiction and tweets from rappers about how many Kardashian sisters they’ve doinked).

Anyway the steamroller is slow, and the orchestra plays “Cemetery Gates” by Pantera as the machine gets ready to squash the clan of murderers. 

All of a sudden the Bengals come running out of the tunnel, headed straight for the steamroller.  They jump on it and turn the key off.  Marvin makes his first appearance in the play.  He’s being portrayed by the Rock, who it turns out has a pretty good singing voice. 

Marvin jumps up on the steamroller and sings a super insightful song about loving your fellow man, even murdering hillbillies.  Then the song turns into a song and dance number, the hillbillies are untied and they dance around and sing about how sorry they are for all the murder and stuff.  Marvin’s like, “solid.”  He lets them go. 

The murdering hillbilly family heads for the tunnel.  Dave Yost can’t handle it, he jumps off the steamroller and opens up on them with an AR-15.  Heads are flown.  They’re all smoked.  As the grounds crew cleans up the mess, the teams warm up for the second half and sing a song about gun rights and the second amendment. 

By now you are in your seat in the theater thinking, “damn, this thing got real political.”  Well, all I can say to that is you’re fucking A right it did.  Did you ever see Hamilton?”

The Second Act starts and it’s set in the football operations part of PBS.  Time has jumped forward to mid season and the Bengals have lost all their games.  Jim Haslett is running a meeting for the linebackers, and the linebackers sing a song called, “I’m Falling Asleep in this Meeting.”  It’s a huge top 40 hit and you’ve heard it on the radio before you even see the play. 

Marvin comes in and finds them all asleep while Haslett is droning on about hip orientation during run fits or some shit like that.  All of a sudden everything freezes except for Marvin, he’s standing there and smoke from dry ice starts to swirl around him.  From the rafters a figure appears, being lowered by wires.  It’s the ghost of Ray Lewis, covered in chains and stuff, showing up Christmas Carol style!  He’s like, “Marvin, Jesus loves you!” 

Guess what?  It’s not Ray Lewis from when he was playing, it’s the super annoying Ray Lewis from when he retired who only talks about Jesus.  He sings a song about faith and self-reliance.  Marvin is like, damn, you’re right ghost of Ray Lewis.  He fires Hazlett on the spot and starts coaching the linebackers.  They all wake up and absorb everything.  Then Marvin and the linebackers sing a song called, “Steroids Aren’t Really All That Bad, Jesus Fucking Christ Just Do Some Steroids.” 

The next scene is the big game against the hated Steelers.  The Bengals win by 80 points behind inspired linebacker play.  Ben is played by a brain damaged Gary Bussey, who unbeknownst to you while you are watching the play, will win a Tony for his portrayal of Big Ben. 

All the while during the game, the scene is interrupted by a side set of Mike in his luxury box.  Every time they show him he’s on the phone arguing with a manufacturer of tug of war ropes about their return policy.  Finally after the game, Mike wins his argument and gets to return the tug of war rope, no charge!  He is played by Robert Duvall.  He sings an up tempo number about family and fiscal responsibility.  Katie and Troy come in and sing along with him, and they dance around his office.  There’s not a dry eye in the house as Mike sings about the amortization rates of stadium fixtures and how the IRS is blatantly screwing the Brown family. 

The next scene is in the United States Senate.  The power of Marvin ’19 has brought together all the bickering factions of the US government.  Marvin is addressing the Senate, the House, the Supreme Court, and there are lots of school groups there.  It’s all for the kids!  Marvin sings a great song about love and patriotism.  Pretty soon he’s joined on stage by the whole cast, even the murdering hillbilly clan with holes in their heads, ghost Ray Lewis with his chains, Dave Yost and his AR-15, Jim Haslett, they’re all there. 

The whole cast does the big climactic song and dance number.  It’s called “Marvin ’19 Has Saved America!”  The US Government officials proclaim that they are all united in a mission to serve only the people, and they thank Marvin.  There’s a lot of gyrating by the BenGals because what the hell, then the play ends with Mike showing up and doing a dead on version of James Cagney’s “Yankee Doodle Dandy” from the 1942 musical.  The crowd goes crazy. 

You’re wife is probably going, “WTF?”  But you’re like so overcome with emotion you can’t even explain it to her.  All you can get out is, “Marvin ’19, my god, yes.  Yes!”

 

If I got a chance to see this acted out while stoned...I'd be in.  This could be the NFL version of Team America.  

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