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RIP Spike


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It is a sad day on this message board.  Spike the hamster has shuffled off this mortal coil after an unfortunate encounter with our own Armybengal Kevorkian.

We all had fond memories of Spike.  Ok I’ll go first.  He bought that lake house and even though he never invited me up I heard it was a lot of fun.  He’d let you ride his jet ski , again I only heard about this, because he never invited me up.

Spike ran for city council twice.  He lost the first time, the second time they kicked him off the ballot for being a hamster.  He never complained about that though.

Armybengal’s cat, Sargent, was not friendly with Spike.  Sargent met an untimely demise and we all kind of suspected Spike.  But he was like, “Don’t look at me, I don’t run over stupid cats who go into the road out by the mailbox.” That kind of brought us back to reality.  Thanks, Spike, we needed that.

We all watched Spike get a little portly in his middle age, as hamsters do.  Army was like, “why don’t you lose some weight you fat fuck?”  And Spike was like, “I’m been stuck in a 14 inch by 18 inch aquarium my whole life.  Like. Every. Moment. Of. My. Life.  How am I supposed to lose weight?”  Enter the hamster wheel.  Army meant well.  We hope.  But a separated shoulder and getting half your face ripped off, well, the proof is in the pudding.  The hammered down pudding with the pink stuff and some fur in it.

Safe travels, Spike.  You will be missed.  Might be missed a little more if he’d have been a little more generous with that lake house.  Like I heard that place had five bedrooms, plenty of room for guys if he’d have just invited more people up there.  


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I’m sure Spike is watching over us smiling. Well, except for the whole hammer thing. I mean honestly though,  if he wasn’t such a fat, clumsy, fuck of a hamster, that shit would have never happened.

Moving on, we are stepping up the pet game and going with Piranha next. When thinking about Spike in those terms, maybe he got off easy with the hammer…

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Amazingly, Spike appeared to me in the middle of last night.
It was glorious.  He was clothed in an immense light and free from any earthly pain or physical impediment.
And then he looked at me with those cute little hamster eyes.  I could see nothing but joy and he had a calmness that was inconceivable to humans.
He walked towards me, placed his little paw on my hand and spoke.

"FUCK YOU" !!!

I think he's still bitter about the whole hammer incident.

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Spike has been hanging out with TJ's dead gramma.
A lot of drinking and talk about who's death was more traumatic.
Talk is TJ's dead gramma called Spike a bitch and told him she could have taken that hammer to the dome like a champ.
Spike is contemplating his next move, but thinks since she's bigger than him, it would only be fair to test her theory with a sledge hammer.

Nick Scott was a bad move from jump. 
He has one good season where he started more than one game and he should become our new starter?
Maybe not the best decision.  Retrospect and all, but Battle should have been given that opportunity.

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1 hour ago, TJJackson said:

Whatcha like best?   I favor Ifeayani

I'm not sure we'll ever top the futility of Ifeanyi Ohalete. Probably the worst Bengals starter since Marvin Lewis was hired (top two for me are him and Ogbuehi). But Scott is almost certainly the worst safety since Ohalete. At least I cannot think of a competitor.

Rogers Beckett, Mark Roman, Kim Herring, Madieu Williams, Kevin Kaesviharn, Dexter Jackson, Chinendum Ndukwe, Marvin White, Chris Crocker, Roy Williams, Reggie Nelson, George Iloka, Shawn Williams, Jessie Bates, Vonn Bell, Daxton Hill

Put them all together, and I think you have to reach back to 2003/2004 for competitors (first three listed) or maybe Marvin White.

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