COB

Like we don’t all already know that Gisele dumping Brady is completely related to The Andy Dalton Religious Sex Cult. She’s in it. Marvin’s in it. A bunch of gross megachurch tv preachers are in it. It is rumored that Aaron Rodgers newfound serenity is attributed to his involvement with The Andy Dalton Religious Sex Cult. But bad news - he’s been suspended from the cult for being “too weird.” That’s right, that mfer is too weird for Andy’s religious sex cult.

Holy shit poor Andy has thrown 3 picks in the first half of this Thursday night game. 2 of them were pick sixes. Man I feel bad for our former guy. Such a good dude.

I don’t even know you anymore.

Well you should. Then you get your toothpaste and mucinex delivered for free. Also various cleaning products. Then on Thursday nights you can listen to Al Michaels career as it lies a-moldering in the grave.

Scheme, injuries, suitable fill ins, all that stuff matters a ton, yes. And if the Bengals can start playing hard football at the beginning of the game instead of the 8 minute mark of the second quarter, we’ll start blowing teams out. This is a prime week to do it. Jump on this running team in the first quarter, put a couple tds up and make them throw. They come out with no urgency. They let a 10 or 20 point deficit supply the urgency. My solution - hire Zimmer in the newly created position of yelling coach. Once Zac has installed the offense and told Burrow how great he is about fifty times, Zimmer takes over for the last 45 minutes before the game starts. He screams insults at them, kicks trash cans in the locker rooms, sprays saliva all over the place, and just generally yells “fuck” a lot. It would actually work for this team. We’re a new age, feel good about ourselves team. Just need to realize they’re playing a violent blood sport. Watching any Julia Roberts movie will often send normal American men into a homicidal rage. So if Zimmer isn’t workable, Julia Roberts’ offensively bad, shallow, degrading acting will have to do it.

At this point, forget trying to keep track of all the victims, it’d be easier to make a list of the few Houston area women Watson somehow managed not to sexually proposition. Dude’s not a quitter, we can tell that much.

The Saints will be having fun and playing together. I’m not optimistic at all.

Just read Zac answering questions about his play calling. He said it’s not just me! Quote: “Taylor said offensive coordinator Brian Callahan, offensive line coach Frank Pollack, quarterbacks coach Dan Pitcher, receivers coach Troy Walters, and tight ends coach James Casey each have input as to what plays are called in-game. "We communicate every play," Taylor said. "We talk through it after every single series." Is Zac seriously saying all those guys are blabbing on the headset while deciding what plays to call? That doesn’t seem feasible. Too much input.

This team is consistently not ready to play. They are talented, and they adapt to what is happening, but it is clear they are not ready at the beginning of games.

Inexplicable call, close division game on the road and points are hard to come by. Just didn’t make sense.

How the hell are we tied in this game.

I’d be fine if Collinsworth just never calls another Bengals game.

Man watching Perine play in this offense just illustrates in bold print that Mixon has lost a ton of burst.

Fucking embarrassing.

Can we just have halftime right now?

How are we all feeling about this offense taking over on our 9? LOL.

Ravens showed up ready to play

Right out of the gate, unable to pass protect.

Browns lose, chargers tried to give it to them, but the Browns didn’t want to win.

Damn, Giants just knocked off Green Bay. What is going on in the NFL.

Now I feel worse about our offense. Damn, Simms not holding back.

I’m feeling bad about our offense. Our defense is great. Tough to say with the Ravens, pretty even matchup.

Probably wasn’t luck. The Ravens ran a notoriously physical training camp. Finally this year Harbaugh scaled it way back. He told the media they’d studied various things and this new approach gives them the best chance. We’ll see. He also ran probably the most physical, longest, regular season practices in the league. The union used to file grievances against him for breaking rules during the season. He supposedly has changed that as well. But we’ll see how he reacts once they get pushed around or bullied in a game or two.

Wow! The Official Logistics Partner of the Cincinnati Bengals. That’s pretty heavy. Sorry IEL, whoever the hell you are, but I’m still the UNOFFICIAL logistics partner of the Cincinnati Bengals. I’m out here, on my own, doing guerrilla logistics (always on behalf of my unofficial partner, the Bengals). IEL can have all their fancy “official” relationships. I’m from the streets, motherfuckers. I keep it 100% real to the casket. You think logisticing is some kind of game? I’m a soldier for these fucking logistics.

The Burrow effect.