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Mike Brown Thought of the Day

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"I keep hearing about the draft and I keep telling them to buy one of those things that slide under your door to block it."
"Don't people watch "As seen on TV" ??  Why do I feel like the smartest guy in the room right now."
"Who needs you scouts ??  You are fired.  Order one for every door in the place and we will solve this draft problem right now."

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"Alright Pumpkin, I decided to get into social media to help us in scouting the future men of this organization".
"I'm not quite sure I'm doing this right however".
"I told the app thingy I wanted men who were big, strong, and real take charge kind of guys".

"Next thing you know I was flooded with responses from these young men wanting me to send wrinkled raisin pics".
"Not only that, I think they thought I was talking about baseball because they asked if I liked to pitch or catch?"
"I know there are hand and arm measurements, but we must measure penises nowadays for all the photos I received."

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“Great googly moogly, I’m just on this tv phone trying to buy sock garters, and I’m assaulted by suggestions of unnatural, deviant, behavior.  Well, I’ll just do a google thing for refurbished trusses, that should turn out a bit better.”

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"Where are the world wide web people and why haven't we done something about this TJ Jackhole guy at Bengalszone?"
"I swear to all things holy if he doesn't stop talking trash about our o-line, I'm going to buy that site just to ban him myself."

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“I’ll just type-message TJ’s granny on my tv phone thing.  There, just asked her to cam him down.  Well, she answered with a photo, I’ll just open that up... GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!”  Begins laborious process of unbuckling complex series of trusses.

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Awakens, gets out of bed, looks in the mirror.

”Jesus fucking christ.  I’m still here.  Am I immortal?”

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“I’m immortal.  I’ll live forever.  There’s no other reasonable explanation for this.  I’m a Highlander!”

Adjusts speed control on Rascal Freedom Power Wheelchair ($1,498.20 at Sam’s Club), drives to kitchen to get some warm milk.

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“There can be only one!”

/Sets Rascal Freedom Power Wheelchair ($1,498.20 at Sam’s Club) to medium speed, raises CPAP device threateningly above head, advances at a moderate pace down hallway of Indian Hills McMansion/

 

 

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Troy!! Oh DAMMIT Man!  Seal it back up! Seal it back up!! Why don’t you have your hazmat suit on!? Seal up my bubble before you give me the Covid19! Wait... hand me my garter belt first...

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Splaghmfmfm! (dentures fly into the inside of now dampened face mask and rest sidelong on the mouth)

"We can't have football in a stadium without fans! Not when we have our big three-dollar wet pretzel promotion coming!"

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“Those bastards. Those fukking bastards! That’s why they cancelled the annual meeting! Free? FREE!?!? They knew I’d never consent! Next meeting I will smash them all!!!!!!

 

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Splack!  (Dentures fly across pallet of hoarded Charming Ultra Soft) 

“Someone bring me the 3 ring binder on our three dollar wet pretzel promotion!  Gonna have to tweak it with this Cobra 19 flu going around!

(Falls asleep, startles self awake). “The wet pretzel!  Ha ha!  When TJ’s Granny and I got together back in the day, we did a little something we liked to call the wet pretzel, ha ha!  You’re ***damn right we did!”

Katie: “Dad!  For gosh sakes stop it, Father O’Hanrahan is here to talk about our Easter Jubilee contribution!”

Father O’Hanrahan:  “The wet pretzel, did you say Mike?  Hmmmm...” (Strokes chin thoughtfully.)

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“Pumpkin, get in here”
”I had Troy check in over at that Bengalszone place to see what those idiots are spouting off about”.

”He reported back that the TJ Jackhole fella kept piping in with GIMME A LINEMAN”.

”3 linebackers, count’em 1-2-3. BWAAAAHAAAAHAAAAA !!!”

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"Pookie bear, be sure you lock your doors tonight. Custodian Rob swears he saw Rookie Pool lurking in the halls last night!!!"

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TROY !!!!

Get this Covid guy on the line.  Who the hell does he think he is thinking about shutting down the season ??
Lets plan on scheduling a meet and greet with him.  Maybe throw some cheese coneys down his throat and change his mind.
We have to convince this guy how serious we are for this season.  Maybe get old Kenny Anderson to join us or maybe Ickey can do that silly dance.

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