Ox Posted January 6, 2006 Report Share Posted January 6, 2006 Ask the Ox You may ask me anything, anything at all. Anything.Such as:Why Do Steelers fans hate tornadoes? OrHow come Brownie fans smell so bad? OrWhat is this huge bump on my ****? Maybe you want to knowIs my girlfriend pregnant, or just getting a beergut? Don't be afraid children, for I know EVERYTHING. Go ahead, come ask your friendly omnipotent OX. I will answer any question that you may have wondered about, no matter what it may be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
San Antonio Bengal Posted January 6, 2006 Report Share Posted January 6, 2006 Dear Ox,Why do I have to rotate the tires on my car? Don't they rotate enough when driving?S.A.B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ox Posted January 6, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2006 Dear Ox,Why do I have to rotate the tires on my car? Don't they rotate enough when driving?S.A.B.That is an excellent question SAB. The answer lies in that the front right tire is usually the most jealous tire. It is actually in love with the back left tire. Because of this phenominon, we must move it to the back left position so that the lovers can be closer together. It is at this time, unbeknowist to FR tire, that her lover, cruely, is being moved to the FR position. I like to call this, "Tire Play". It is a vicious cycle, making us repeat every 40,000 miles.ASK THE OX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stripes Posted January 7, 2006 Report Share Posted January 7, 2006 Dear Ox,Why does buffet macaroni and cheese taste so crude, yet still entices every eater to indulge?TDB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ox Posted January 7, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2006 Dear Ox,Why does buffet macaroni and cheese taste so crude, yet still entices every eater to indulge?TDBThe answer to this very simple my child.We have an unbridled desire for buffett Mac 'N' Cheese for this reason:THE KRAFT MAC N CHEESE:DC SUPERHEROESIt is not of our own doing, mind you. As children we were led to do as the League of Justice said. And the League of Justice says "Eat Your Mac 'N' Cheese Boys and Girls!!! If You Don't You Won't Grow Up To Be Big Strong SuperHeroes Like Me!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH"It just so happens that Buffett style Mac 'N' Cheese is the CHEEESIEST available, west of China. Chinese Mac 'N' Cheese is the cheesiest on Earth. We know this because it is only at the Chinese buffett's where we find these scrumptious Mac 'N' Cheese creations.ASK THE OX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
San Antonio Bengal Posted January 8, 2006 Report Share Posted January 8, 2006 Dear Ox,I keep hearing about a "Don Zurley" at sporting events and have wondered who he is. Typically before the event starts someone will sing "Oh, say can you see by the Don Zurley light..." Did Don Zurley invent the lightbulb?S.A.B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BengalszoneBilly Posted January 8, 2006 Report Share Posted January 8, 2006 I got a question Ox. Why are women so high maintenance, yet undependable? Anything that requires that much up keep oughta be there willing and able no matter where or when, yet that's hardly the case. What gives? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ox Posted January 8, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2006 Dear Ox,I keep hearing about a "Don Zurley" at sporting events and have wondered who he is. Typically before the event starts someone will sing "Oh, say can you see by the Don Zurley light..." Did Don Zurley invent the lightbulb?S.A.B.You are half correct my son. The actual phrase itself is "Jose, can you see with your Don Zurley light?" You see, long ago in Mexico, light has always been a special thing to get your hands on. Most of the time folks would just light fires everywhere to get around. This became a bad thing when people would get intoxicated on tequila and fall into the flames!This all changed when a hard working man, hard drinking man and now national hero named Don Zurley stumbled upon something. He found that if he captured enough lightning bugs in a bottle, he could form sort of a flashlight (called that b/c the bugs would take turns lighting up and going out). --> Of course that name would be stolen by americans hundreds of years later for a similar invention involving electricity. People would then carry around there Don Zurley flashlight to see where the hell there going!!ASK THE OX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ox Posted January 8, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2006 I got a question Ox. Why are women so high maintenance, yet undependable? Anything that requires that much up keep oughta be there willing and able no matter where or when, yet that's hardly the case. What gives? AHHH YES, the question that has stumped mankind for eons!The answer is simple really. Women are insane. Do not hate the OX's all knowing, swami like consistancy, I only tell you the truth. Women are indeed bat-sh*t crazy. It's not their own fault, of course, but because of something they possess.Many women seem to be particularly prone to acts of craziness. Beautiful women are even more so. What makes beautiful women more likely to be crazy? The simple answer is, that they are given more opportunity to be crazy, and crazy behavior seems to be more readily accepted from them. That means that this woman -->has something we all want, and believe me my children she knows it. She understands we will do anything in the WORLD to get it. That is why she wants, wants, wants only to refuse to give when the appropriate time arrives.This type of act drives a male suitor this way -->If all of this is to much to handle, if my explanation of female mental imbalance is too much to grasp, know this. The next time you find youself wondering, " What must I do to get this woman to give in to me after all I do for her?" just remember, God gave men something to counter this resistance: + ASK THE OX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
not-another Posted January 9, 2006 Report Share Posted January 9, 2006 Dear Ox,Why is 6 afraid of 7? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rwalling Posted January 9, 2006 Report Share Posted January 9, 2006 Ask the Ox You may ask me anything, anything at all. Anything.Such as:Why Do Steelers fans hate tornadoes? OrHow come Brownie fans smell so bad? OrWhat is this huge bump on my ****? Maybe you want to knowIs my girlfriend pregnant, or just getting a beergut? Don't be afraid children, for I know EVERYTHING. Go ahead, come ask your friendly omnipotent OX. I will answer any question that you may have wondered about, no matter what it may be. Which pitching staff is worse the 1982 Reds (61-101) or last year's ??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rizzy Posted January 9, 2006 Report Share Posted January 9, 2006 Please do whatever you have to do to find more pictures of that girl in your sig in many diffrent poses and positions. AAAAAAAAAAAHHH I can't stop looking at it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ox Posted January 9, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2006 Dear Ox,Why is 6 afraid of 7?My dear sweet child:The common theory is that 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 8(ate) 9. This is a falsity.LET THE TRUTH BE KNOWN!!!6 is terrified of 7 because 7 is the master of the CLOCKSPIDER!!!!You will notice how the second hand is directly on 7 - this means that 7 can destroy any of the other numerals, including everyone's sweetheart, the number 6 (or half-past as some like to call him). This does not scare you? Well then take a look at the REAL CLOCKSPIDER --> As they say, don't f*ck with 7. For 7 is the master of his domain.ASK THE OX Please do whatever you have to do to find more pictures of that girl in your sig in many diffrent poses and positions. AAAAAAAAAAAHHH I can't stop looking at it.Patience my child, with time THE OX will grant you what you wish. Remember, THE OX knows what's best for you, for he is all-knowing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ox Posted January 9, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2006 Which pitching staff is worse the 1982 Reds (61-101) or last year's ???A 73-89 record.A 5.38 ERA, worst in the National League.They gave up the most hits (1,657), runs (889) and home runs (219) in the league and had the fewest saves (31), complete games (2) and shutouts (1).It's an absolute wonder they won 73.Ladies and gentlemen, your 2005 Cincinnati Reds.ASK THE OX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stripes Posted January 9, 2006 Report Share Posted January 9, 2006 Another question for you Ox...How did the incredible rock and roll being produced between the late 60s and early 80s ever deteriorate into the crap on the radio waves today? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
San Antonio Bengal Posted January 10, 2006 Report Share Posted January 10, 2006 Dear Ox,At the end of 2005 a leapsecond was added to the calendar. Everything now feels like it arrives a second late. Do you have any good home remedies for this jet lag effect from the extra second?SAB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BengalszoneBilly Posted January 10, 2006 Report Share Posted January 10, 2006 Hey Ox, Why is it that even though I wake up with "wood" every morning, my palms are surprisingly free of splinters. What gives? I'm not complaining, it's just that you'd think after handling that much lumber so many times, you'd be pricked now and again. Sincerely, Bewildered Willie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rwalling Posted January 10, 2006 Report Share Posted January 10, 2006 Ask the Ox You may ask me anything, anything at all. Anything.Such as:Why Do Steelers fans hate tornadoes? OrHow come Brownie fans smell so bad? OrWhat is this huge bump on my ****? Maybe you want to knowIs my girlfriend pregnant, or just getting a beergut? Don't be afraid children, for I know EVERYTHING. Go ahead, come ask your friendly omnipotent OX. I will answer any question that you may have wondered about, no matter what it may be. How does Jerome look that good in the yellow shorts? Every time I put them on they don't have the same slimming effect and all you can see is my fat @ss! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ox Posted January 10, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2006 Another question for you Ox...How did the incredible rock and roll being produced between the late 60s and early 80s ever deteriorate into the crap on the radio waves today?The greatest music of all time was, as everyone knows, 70's and 80's music. Twisted Sister, Aba, A-Ha and REO Speedwagon. Blondie, J. Geils Band, Tommy Tutone and Fleetwood Mac.Who could forget Earth, Wind & Fire, The Police, Hall & Oats and Whitesnake?Ahhhh yes, good music, good times.Who's lost that lovin' feelin'? The music industry, that's who. The day the good music died to our cassette tapes and CD's, was none other than the spring of 1992.That is when this band:took over and destroyed good music as we know it. With their most famous song, Hold On, they effectively made our ears bleed for the forseeable futures.Think THE OX is making this up? The forming of this untalented band of harpies spawned the following creations:[*]The Spice GirlsColor Me BadBackstreet BoysBritney SpearsN 'SyncThe list goes on and on. You can thank fat Carney and the girls for the travesty.(However Carney has had quite a change recently, but it doesn't excuse the music they created with Satan).One day my dear friends, the music will come back. Or perhaps then in 2012 the earth will be hit by a comet and we will all die.Either way, the suffering will be over.ASK THE OX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ox Posted January 11, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 Dear Ox,At the end of 2005 a leapsecond was added to the calendar. Everything now feels like it arrives a second late. Do you have any good home remedies for this jet lag effect from the extra second?SABPerhaps you've heard: A man with one clock knows what time it is. A man with two clocks is never sure. I would add further: A man with three clocks is more sure than a man with two clocks. And so the clock collection started.......The only cure for for this type of lag effect is Paris Hilton is the only cure for those few nano seconds when things just don't seem right. Paris, however, knows how to make you feel all put together again... if ya smell what THE OX is cooking.Come to your computer, and Enter "A Night in Paris" on google. There's the cure for all your woes.ASK THE OX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ox Posted January 12, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2006 Hey Ox, Why is it that even though I wake up with "wood" every morning, my palms are surprisingly free of splinters. What gives? I'm not complaining, it's just that you'd think after handling that much lumber so many times, you'd be pricked now and again. Sincerely, Bewildered WillieOddly, much like you Willie, as THE OX was arising from bed the other morning, he had the thought, "If I am packing this much luggage around when I'm awake, why not do it in style?!" Thus the aquiring of a special product was made: The Ah! Wake™ Alarm ClockThe OX decided to not start his day with a premature evacuation…he was now going to awake to the pleasing sounds of feminine desire!Morningwood Enterprises is pleased to introduce the amazing Ah! Wake™ Alarm Clock…the way man was meant to wake up! Begin each day with the exciting sounds of a beautiful woman's pleasure.http://morningwood.com/index.htmlThe easy answer is there is no cure for deflating your tree trunk when the sun comes up, but you can at least have an excuse!***The OX got his ass whipped by MRS. OX and had to return the clock. Invest at your own risk***ASK THE OX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BengalszoneBilly Posted January 12, 2006 Report Share Posted January 12, 2006 Hey Ox, Why is it that even though I wake up with "wood" every morning, my palms are surprisingly free of splinters. What gives? I'm not complaining, it's just that you'd think after handling that much lumber so many times, you'd be pricked now and again. Sincerely, Bewildered WillieOddly, much like you Willie, as THE OX was arising from bed the other morning, he had the thought, "If I am packing this much luggage around when I'm awake, why not do it in style?!" Thus the aquiring of a special product was made: The Ah! Wake™ Alarm ClockThe OX decided to not start his day with a premature evacuation…he was now going to awake to the pleasing sounds of feminine desire!Morningwood Enterprises is pleased to introduce the amazing Ah! Wake™ Alarm Clock…the way man was meant to wake up! Begin each day with the exciting sounds of a beautiful woman's pleasure.http://morningwood.com/index.htmlThe easy answer is there is no cure for deflating your tree trunk when the sun comes up, but you can at least have an excuse!***The OX got his ass whipped by MRS. OX and had to return the clock. Invest at your own risk***ASK THE OXWhoa! Billy's bewildered Willy almost lost his load on that 2nd alarm! Thanks Ox! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stripes Posted January 13, 2006 Report Share Posted January 13, 2006 Dear Ox,In an institution claiming to be built and founded around strong moral fiber and academic aspiration such as Wright State University, why do professors insist on printing new versions of their textbooks every year, forcing me and my peers to spend rediculous sums of money on merchandise we never cared to own?TDB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TJJackson Posted January 16, 2006 Report Share Posted January 16, 2006 Dear Ox,When will we once again be graced with the animated GIF of the sweet young lass in the undersized tan string bikini? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ29 Posted January 16, 2006 Report Share Posted January 16, 2006 Dear Ox,When will we once again be graced with the animated GIF of the sweet young lass in the undersized tan string bikini?What he said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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