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SI Ranks Dalton 20th for 2015


gregcook68

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Alas, as much as I would like a Slurpee, 7-11s have been driven from my corner of the planet by a demonic local chain cleverly disguised by the name "Family Express." Yeah,Family Express as in the express to h-e-double-hockey-sticks! If you want proof of their heresy, look no further than their foul signature product: square donuts!!! Everyone knows donuts are ROUND! It says so right in the Book of Bakerabi, chapter 2 verse 7-9:

And lo, the donut shall be round;

And it shall have one hole;

Not two. Nor three. And four is right out!

I'm looking for people to help picket their stores, so let me know the next time you're in the area, COB. My signs and your ten-pound sledge should do the job!

Found this on the web regarding your Family Express. Convenience Store Chain of the Year for 2015!!

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Hey all, no biggie, just found the below on the web. If you walk into Hoosier's place, the Family Express up in NW Indiana, you'll see the below.



Sickening.



If a real Slurpee aficionado walked into this place and saw this blatant ripoff of the Slurpee, first he would wonder what has happened to patent and trademark law in this country, then he'd sort of snicker when he saw the Strawberry Colada flavor, then he'd wreck the whole store with extreme prejudice.



You could try for a million years, but you could never find a more depressing looking Slurpee imitation than the below pictured SqueezeFreeze. Nice work Family Express, you suck.



squeeze%20freeze%203acfebd6a2c073be301f4


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If you recognize the shady character below, call the cops because he robbed the Family Express in Valpo. But don't use your real name, because he was probably driven to it by the affront to common decency that is the SqueezeFreeze. Any half-ass lawyer will get him off because jurors will figure any bootleg joint that would foist the SqueezeFreeze on an unsuspecting public probably deserves to be robbed. They'll probably give this idiot a public commendation or something. Can juries do that? They probably can in Northwest Indiana.



fam%20expr%20rob%20dbd6b8cf-9fa7-568e-9c


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Pardon me if I don't hold my breath on that one.

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