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Baltimore cut Ray Rice

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Goodell - "Jesus Christ! The feminazis are in an uproar. We're gonna have to double that pink pussy awareness thing we do this year. Make Touchdown Tommy wear pink shoes or some shit like that. Argh!"

Goodell Stepford Fembot - Easy Roger, you're hyperventilating, remember what the doctor said about stress. Here, read your bank statement, that always relaxes you."

Goodell - "Ah, good. Wait, I'm only making 44 million dollars this year? I'm worth a million a week, god dammit! Agghhh, it's not working. Janay has a glass jaw, that's all this is about. She took two weeks to pass our concussion protocol, her brain's musher than Trent Green's. It's not our fault she can't take a punch! Why is this happening to me? Arghhh!"

Goodell Stepford Fembot - "the office just called honey, six players from the Steelers, the Patriots, and the Ravens joined ISIS last week and beheaded that girl little league pitcher from tv."

Goodell - "They did, eh? These youngsters and their hi jinks! Ah, boys will be boys. Two games apiece, and release a picture of me looking sad about it."

Goodell Stepford Fembot - "My pussy's dripping wet for you."

Goodell - "What? Oh, that's right I programmed you to say that. Well, come to poppa!" /Spends 5 minutes inserting Viagra IV into arm, then struggles for half hour trying to loosen buckles on truss. Fails. Falls on floor/. "Gahhh! Fuck it!"

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