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Browns Owner's Business Raided by FBI


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The perspective from a Steelers fan ??

He left the Steelers organization because he knew what he was doing and didn't want to tarnish the Steelers rep.

Sort of like how they lost to the Bengals on purpose last year because they knew they couldn't do well in the post season.

I actually heard a guy talking about that today at work.


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Washington (AP) - The investigation of James Haslam has resulted in a critical shortage of naked lady silhouette mud flaps for our nation's truckers. James Haslam, the extremely rich hillbilly who was given the Cleveland Browns in a fraudulent business deal orchestrated by Roger Goodell, the worst person in America, was an important cog in the machinery that delivered naked lady silhouette mud flaps to our nation's freight-hauling underclass.

Haslam was recently busted for a fraud scheme so unsophisticated and stupid that an 8th grade downs syndrome child who accompanied her FBI agent dad to work on "Take Your Retarded Kid To Work Day" figured it out just by browsing through some financial records on her dad's desk.

The investigation has nearly halted the flow of the naked lady mud flaps. Gerth Blackburn, Undersecretary at the U.S. Department of Transportation, said the government can't stand by and do nothing. "These naked lady silhouette mud flaps save lives. They stop rocks from getting chucked back in your face on the highway. And looking at them for hours on the highway quiets the voices in the heads of thousands of our trucker friends. We don't get these things back in circulation, we're going to start finding dead hookers all over our nation's rest stops and trucking centers. At least we'll start finding more than we're normally finding."

Blackburn produced an order, signed by President Obama, that for the first time in history, opens the Strategic Naked Lady Silhouette Mud Flap Reserve. Blackburn explained, "Most people only know about the Strategic Petroleum Reserve, wherein we stockpile fuel in case of war, national calamity, or if we just feel like enslaving our so-called citizens. But we also stockpile other commodities, and now we're opening one up for just the kind of national calamity we guard against. Naked lady mud flaps are back people! We expect truckers to enjoy the hypnotic effect of staring at a chrome naked lady silhouette for hours, and to keep delivering all the crap to Wal-Mart that we all just know we can't live one more minute without!"

In a related development, Chip Berthwate, attorney for James Haslam, put out a press release that stated, "As some of you may have noticed, my client is rich, so he won't be doing any time on these or any other charges. Hell, I'll give you 4 to 1 he never even gets convicted of anything. He's out playing golf with some other rich guys right now, and their all having a good laugh at our judicial system's attempt to stop any of them from doing whatever the hell they want, whenever the hell they want. If this upsets anyone, I find it necessary to say two words to you right now: Gay Marriage."

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