Don't want no short dick man....

[HairOnFire]

Thu Mar 04, 2010 4:59 am EST

Here's Chad Ochocinco, frolicking nude in the woods

By MJD

I don't know why I'm posting this. I don't even know why this exists.

But since it does, I can only assume that someone wanted you to see it. You may not want to see it, but you know, it's up to you to decide if you want to click on that play button below.

The naughty bits are blurred out, but it is exactly what the headline says it is: Chad Ochocinco, buck naked, prancing around in nature.

The best guess is that it's part of a Reebok viral marketing campaign that started with a video of Chuck Liddell working out nude. Both Chuck and Chad were wearing nothing but Reebok kicks in their videos, and the camera operator in both videos made sure to get clear shots of the shoes.

If it turns out, though, that this is just some random video of a nude Chad Ochocinco that happened to turn up on the internet, that wouldn't be the most surprising thing in the world either, would it?

Edit: I didn't post the actual link because I'm unsure about the rules here regarding nude videos, but for those of you who are interested in seeing Chad's junk hidden by very tiny pixels....go to Cincy Jungle.com

[ArmyBengal]

Without bothering to go look and simply reading the post above, I'm left with two words and can be done with subject.

Just creepy !!!

[TJJackson]

Please, nobody tell agreen/gizzle about this

[kingwilly]

chad's meds need an adjustment. this is just too bizarre.

[COB]

This could actually be good news. Mike Brown, if he's anything like his father, won't find this amusing in the least.

Please Bengals, trade Chad. He has no intention of working to play any better. He just doesn't care about football.

[SupaBran]

its a Reebok commercial i think

[BengalPimp]

This could actually be good news. Mike Brown, if he's anything like his father, won't find this amusing in the least.

Please Bengals, trade Chad. He has no intention of working to play any better. He just doesn't care about football.

Sure...Trade Him....We'll just start Jerome Simpson instead !!!!

[COB]

Sure...Trade Him....We'll just start Jerome Simpson instead !!!!

I didn't say Jerome Simpson would start. I didn't mention Jerome Simpson.

[TJJackson]

Mike Brown, if he's anything like his father

Hmm.......

One Legendary football coach and club founder

One incompetent boob who fancies himself a GM but only has a job due to it being a family business

Yeah, I can see where someone might think the two are alike......

[HairOnFire]

I'm pretty happy this thread was bumped, in part because I'm very very proud of the thread title. I consider it to be a wonderful example of my very best work.

You're welcome.

But also because I don't think we've paid nearly enough attention to the Dennis Rodman-like antics of Chad. Granted, I realize many of us suffer horribly from Chad-fatique, but repeatedly ignoring his antics, as so many of you prefer to do, only encourages him to go bigger and stranger. And that's risky business even under the best conditions.

For example, can any of you imagine what would happen if TO joined the clown circus, and he and Chad begin to play a game of...."Can you top this?"

[COB]

One Legendary football coach and club founder

One incompetent boob who fancies himself a GM but only has a job due to it being a family business

Yeah, I can see where someone might think the two are alike......

I read a biography of Paul Brown some time back. I'll probably get banned for saying this, but Mike Brown is exactly like his father.

The difficulty arises when one looks at a calendar and notices it is 2010, not 1958.

Bolsheviks.

[DC_Bengals_Fan]

I read a biography of Paul Brown some time back. I'll probably get banned for saying this, but Mike Brown is exactly like his father.

The difficulty arises when one looks at a calendar and notices it is 2010, not 1958.

C'mon, that's just too far. Mike Brown had no connection to the actual game of football, whereas Paul was an innovator.

You're saying Mike is like Paul because Mike in 2010 does what Paul would have done years ago. The difference is that I believe Paul would have adapted with the times, so 2010 Paul would have been different than 1960 Paul. If that makes sense. Paul was always looking forward, Mike is looking backwards.

Even as an owner, Paul's teams were always innovative. Mike's teams for years were a desperate attempt to maintain a connection with the past - hiring from within 3 times in a row from a losing team.

Yes, Mike appears to be imitating his father. But it's a shallow impersonation that misses the point of who Paul Brown was.

[TJJackson]

Mike Brown is exactly like his father.

Hall of Fame http://www.profootballhof.com/hof/alphabetical.aspx#B

Hall of Shame

Yep, exactly alike. How could I have not seen this before?

My apologies

[COB]

The difference is that I believe Paul would have adapted with the times, so 2010 Paul would have been different than 1960 Paul. If that makes sense.

That makes perfect sense. I know what you are saying and I agree with it.

There is irony in this. Paul was an innovator, probably the most progressive guy ever in pro football. And I emphasize football, because that is where he left his mark. The Xs and Os, the coaching techniques used on the field, the technology used on the field. (First coach to print up playbooks, first coach to run plays in from the sideline instead of having the qb call them, first coach to use helmet radio, etc.)

Where Paul could not adapt was the business side. He hated the fact that a union was being formed in his last years. To the end he believed players should just be grateful to play football, and that owners should be able to pay basically a living wage, and that contract negotiations should consist of the team telling the player what he would be payed that year. He absolutely despised agents. None of this changed even in his later years.

I say it's ironic because Mike Brown has succesfully done something his father would never have been able to do: He's adapted his operation to the modern NFL world that now exists. Off the field, he is a huge success. Running a small market team succesfully in the last 20 years has not been easy.

For comparison on how Mike Brown has done, look at the other team Paul founded, the Cleveland Browns. Art Modell couldn't operate that thing in the black in Cleveland. He got huge concessions from Baltimore, where he again failed to operate in the black and had to sell out to a minority partner. Mike Brown on the other hand has kept ownership of his franchise, I assume he runs it in the black, and his team just won its second division crown in the last 5 years.

Your point about Mike's lack of football acumen is well taken. Paul Brown was a brilliant coach, Mike never coached to my knowledge. Mike is doing something now Paul never could have done, and Paul did something Mike never could have done.

Before anyone jumps in here and stupidly proclaims their desire for the Bengals to move so we can get an expansion team like Cleveland, remember the Bengals are 14-8 against the expansion Browns, and 38-35 against them all-time. So be careful what you wish for.

[COB]

My apologies

Accepted.

[HairOnFire]

C'mon, that's just too far.

True, but only because COB says they're EXACTLY alike. In reality, Mike is like his father in many ways, but lacking in several very important ones. However, both are alike in regards to demanding total control and unquestioned loyalty, and those who don't measure up do so at their own peril.

Mike Brown had no connection to the actual game of football....

Dead wrong. Mike played college football and after graduating from Dartmouth AND Harvard joined the Cleveland Browns legal staff in 1959. He was later approached by William Hackett about bringing an expansion team to Cincy, and it was Mike's demographic, economic, and infrastructure studies that were used to not only sway his father to join the effort, but later...to convince the AFL to award a team to Cincy over eight competing bids from other cities.

You're saying Mike is like Paul because Mike in 2010 does what Paul would have done years ago. The difference is that I believe Paul would have adapted with the times....

Not a chance. At least not as an owner. In fact, one of the things Paul Brown was proudest of was never negotiating with a players agent,repeatedly refusing to do so until the practice of using agents became so commonplace Paul had to turn those critical ownership duties over to his son.

Even as an owner, Paul's teams were always innovative.

Innovative in regards to coaching, yes. But not as an owner. In fact, once it became clear to Paul that the restrictions placed upon his expansion team were so limiting he shifted his focus from winning early to building a sound financial base for the franchise AND his family. Those methods included placing each of his sons in various management positions while running the Bengals on a shoestring budget as he bought additional shares from minority owners looking to cash out quickly.

Yes, Mike appears to be imitating his father. But it's a shallow impersonation that misses the point of who Paul Brown was.

Paul Brown was one of the greatest football coaches to ever live, perhaps the greatest of them all, but as a team owner his only notable accomplishment rests with the way he gained majority control of the team for his family.

[HairOnFire]

I say it's ironic because Mike Brown has succesfully done something his father would never have been able to do: He's adapted his operation to the modern NFL world that now exists. Off the field, he is a huge success. Running a small market team succesfully in the last 20 years has not been easy.

Dead on.

In fact, consider the vast uncharted labor seas the NFL currently finds itself sailing upon. A brave new world of free agency some say, right? Yet here are the Bengals, a small market team smack dab in the middle of a region that is best described as an economic sinkhole, perfectly positioned for whatever happens.

Don't believe me?

Well consider this. As we speak none of the Bengals best players are at risk of leaving, and last years most expensive mistake was just cast aside without any long-term ramifications.

It isn't dumb luck. In fact, I'd say Mike Brown has been planning for what will happen this year and the next from the moment he voted against the CBA years ago.

[HairOnFire]

My apologies

Accepted.

That's all well and good, but with all of this Paul Brown talk I'd say you guys ruined my "Short Dick" thread.

[TJJackson]

you guys ruined my "Short Dick" thread.

Err, you seem to have enjoyed yourself immensely over the last three posts, so I'm not buying it :-)

[HairOnFire]

Bolsheviks.

In my opinion there's nothing better than a joke delivered to the crowd, but understood by only a few.

[HairOnFire]

I shamelessly bumped this thread simply because it was about to drop off the first page, and I love the thread title too much to allow that to happen.

Please forgive.

[HairOnFire]

While I have no interst in a short dicked man....at least eighty-five women disagree with me.

Chad Ocho Cinco Signs a Deal to Play for VH1 in a New Summer Series, 'The Tournament'

SANTA MONICA, Calif., March 11 /PRNewswire/ -- Cincinnati Bengals star wide receiver Chad Ocho Cinco (formerly Chad Johnson) is using his off-season to pursue happiness off the field in his new VH1 reality show "The Tournament" (working title). The series is a mix of Ocho Cinco's on-field charisma blended with the drama of the dating pool played out in a bracket-style dating tournament. The 10 episode, one-hour series is set to premiere in July 2010.

One of the NFL's brightest stars, 32-year-old Ocho Cinco has been selected to the Pro Bowl six times and named an All-Pro three times. He legally changed his surname from Johnson to Ocho Cinco prior to the 2008 regular season to reflect the number 85 on his Bengals uniform. In the 2009 season, Ocho Cinco caught 72 passes for 1,047 yards and nine touchdowns. An avid user of social networks, Ocho Cinco has close to one million followers on Twitter and hundreds of thousands of fans on Facebook.

"The Tournament" will start with Ocho Cinco finding his "first 85" by traveling all over the country meeting women that may be interested in dating him. Then, during the first episode, he will narrow the playing field down to the sweet sixteen - four women from each of the four regions of the country - Northern, Western, Southern and Central Divisions. The sixteen chosen women will be invited to join Ocho Cinco for the rest of the tournament-style dating competition.

Once the competition begins, Ocho Cinco will follow a tournament bracket where each of the ladies will have an opportunity to spend quality time with him while also facing off against one another in double-dates. The winner of each dating face-off will receive a game ball from Ocho Cinco and move on to the next round of the tournament, while the loser goes home. Ultimately the sweet sixteen will be narrowed down to eight and then the final four. In the end, the championship date between the two remaining women will result in Ocho Cinco awarding his chosen love the coveted Championship Ring. Hopefully, she turns out to be his greatest catch this season!

"Chad Ocho Cinco is one of the most electrifying individuals in sports today. His bigger than life personality on and off the field and his notorious skills as a social networker, connecting daily with his fans, makes him a perfect fit for VH1," said Jeff Olde, Executive Vice President, Original Programming and Production, VH1. "This show will not only give viewers a look inside his professional life, but also reveal his softer more romantic side when playing a very different kind of game."

[Stripes]

Doesn't he already have a girlfriend?

[HairOnFire]

Doesn't he already have a girlfriend?

Yeah, but he just left town without a contract.

[ArmyBengal]

Doesn't he already have a girlfriend?

Yeah, but he just left town without a contract.

ZIIIIIIING !!!