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Jay Glazer: Bengals look good, but Kentucky's the pits

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bucket Newbie

bucket

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In this installment Glazer details his nightmare trip to Kentucky to see the Bengals:

http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/7145394...13162&ATT=5

Yes, it's not a typo, I'm in Kentucky: They said I'd never, ever step foot in Georgetown. I've often joked around that I would never go, being that I'm an ethnic Yawka and I'd stick out worse than Joe Pesci would, or actually did, in "My Cousin Vinny." I mean, I'm a complete dead giveaway for someone who, well, isn't from Kentucky.

Just as the folks from small towns like this have certain preconceived notions about the Big Apple and loud, arrogant, obnoxious, aggressive folks like myself, I've seen things on TV about how city boys and hillbillies don't exactly mix.

Sorry, Georgetown but there was nothing to change my view in the least.

First of all, it's in a dry county. Why is there anywhere in America that is dry? Let's get real people. Not selling alcohol in one area is the dumbest thing in the world. You know what it does? It forces you to travel long distances to the next county to get drunk and then drive aaaaalllll the way back to Georgetown. How stupid is this rule? It also leads to the freaking hillbilly who was selling moonshine out of the back of his truck. Did I just say moonshine? Did I just say hillbilly? Folks, I'm not making this stuff up.

There are actually people who still sell moonshine in Kentucky and there was a guy giving it out from the back of his pickup the weekend I was there.

How do I say this gracefully and without half of Kentucky wanting to hang me by my you know whats? Let's be honest, parts of Kentucky don't exactly have a reputation for hording the members of MENSA or the contestants for the National Spelling Bee. With that in mind, I'm begging the folks in the Georgetown area to hire a full-time scout to walk around the town and correct grammar and spelling in order to dispel the myths.

The two best signs in America are both in Georgetown. First one hung in a WalMart that read, "All movies needs to be pay in electronics." Huh? You is a honor student? Didn't, oh, I don't know, ONE PERSON realize that sentence simply isn't English?

Then, I didn't see this sign but I heard about it, the local Wendy's originally had their big sign out front say, "Now hiring closers." However, the "c" in closers fell off so for a while Wendy's was "Now hiring losers."

Nice.

Worst bar I've been to on the road: The Pub in Lexington, Ky. I've written about places I've loved but I have to give both sides of it. A few Bengals friends and I drove down to Lexington on a Sunday evening to find a few beers and arrived at The Pub in Lexington at 10:30. We were immediately informed that we could only get one round because as the waitress explained, "The police will come in and grab them right off your table at 11 p.m. sharp."

Are you kidding me? That's what the police spend their time on in this town? Are they chasing around bootleggers in old Studebakers? Can you imagine that?

Anyway, back to the waitress and her 11 p.m. cutoff. Last I checked I'm good for a little over a beer in a half hour. Last call? Fine, everyone in my party will have three drinks each and we'll have them polished off at 10:55. Guaranteed!

The waitress, bartender and manager all panicked over this idea as if Elliott Ness would raid the place at any minute. Come on people, we're all adults here. We're talking three lousy beers.

That wasn't the bad part, though. The manager, a total Doogie Howser-looking goober, walked over and the following is the actual conversation that ensued:

Goober Pyle, Manager Extraordinaire: "I understand you ordered three rounds but we can't do that because all alcohol has to be finished by 11."

Aggressive New Yawka Glaze: "That's OK buddy, we'll have them finished off for you, no problem."

Goober Pyle, Manager Extraordinaire: "We can't do that, the police will take them out of your hands. I'm sorry."

Aggressive New Yawka Glaze: "It's OK, I'm willing to do the time."

Goober Pyle, Manager Extraordinaire: "Sorry, it's not going to happen. I can only give you one. We're only looking out for your best interests."

Are you kidding me? This is where I got a little... frustrated shall I say.

Aggressive New Yawka Glaze: "Doogie, you want to protect my best interests, get me a **** 401K plan! Don't let me buy a dog from Bad Newz Kennels but don't tell me you're going to play drink police."

Goober Pyle, Manager Extraordinaire: "It's for your own safety, sir."

Aggressive New Yawka Glaze: "I'm so lucky to have a guardian angel like you at my side. Seriously, where were you when I fell out of that tree house when I was 8, or the time I got my *** choked out in the Octagon or the or the time I took a blow torch in high school and cut off the roof of my car so I could have a convertible. Thank you so much oh Hillbilly guardian."

Goober Pyle, Manger Extraordinaire: "(Blank look)"

The best part of it was we had to drive another 20 minutes to find another place to drink and the waitress from The Pub actually found us there and wanted to sit and drink with us. Let's get this straight, you refuse to serve us and then want to sit and have drinks with us? Aggressive New Yawka Glaze made that the most uncomfortable five minutes of conversation she's spent in a bar in a long, long time.

That night was the longest five years I've spent at one place in my life.

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DesperateDerelict Newbie

DesperateDerelict

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As much as I like to hunt for and devour articles about the Jungle Cats, that was terrible - poorly written, thoughtless, and about as insightful as a Paris Hilton book report. Probably submitted only to appease an editor or so he can write off the bar tab.

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BengalszoneBilly Newbie

BengalszoneBilly

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It might be sad, but it's also true

Oh yeah. Sure it's true. It's also true in Ohio, Utah, Pennsylvania, New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, Tennessee, Kansas, Florida...just name the state, including New York! In fact I've been to New York City and met some extremely ignorant people there as well. F**k this metrosexual, broadway play lovin' fudge packer. He was just pissed that FoxSports wouldn't cover his boyfriends airfare to travel with him, and once he arrived, there was no one willing to give up their d**k for him to smoke while visiting the Bluegrass state. :angry:

That has to be the worst written, most smug, self serving article I've ever read here. Total crap!

Where's the football? Shouldn't this be in the smack forum? ^_^

It seems you're damn right delhole, this dumbass forgot to do his job and write about it. Despite that I won't move due to the title only. BTW nice post you started buckethead. I hope the other ten posts your managed to make here were more informative.

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Ox Newbie

Ox

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As a regular patron of "The Pub" and as a citizen of Lexington I have NEVER ever heard of the police coming into an establishment and removing beers from your hand. The Pub is literally 2 minutes from my house, and I've even dated one of the British bartenders. That sh*t is as made up as can be. The only thing that is missing is how the hillbillies in our little backwards state stomped a hole in this yanks ass. What a douche.

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agreen_112 Newbie

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As a regular patron of "The Pub" and as a citizen of Lexington I have NEVER ever heard of the police coming into an establishment and removing beers from your hand. The Pub is literally 2 minutes from my house, and I've even dated one of the British bartenders. That sh*t is as made up as can be. The only thing that is missing is how the hillbillies in our little backwards state stomped a hole in this yanks ass. What a douche.

How'd the british chick look? JK, Glazer's a joke, he needs slapped around.

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HoosierCat Grand Master

HoosierCat

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Where's the football? Shouldn't this be in the smack forum? ^_^

"Bucket" only pasted half the article, probably to get a rise out of any hillBILLYs :pokey: on the board...obviously it worked.

The other half of the report is actually decent, a little slice-of-camp about TJ calling out Chad...

GEORGETOWN, Ky. -- I heard a commotion over by the receivers area of the Bengals locker room. Imagine that, a commotion by Chad Johnson and the boys. The moment I walked over T.J. Houshmandzadeh yelled out, "Glaze, I don't want to hear or see another report talking about how hard of a worker Chad is. Not one! I'm sick of it man. He don't work!"

Johnson wasn't working that day and was obviously hearing it from the boys in his section of the peanut gallery.

The peanut gallery jumped aboard T.J.'s ship one after the other laying it on Johnson, who lackadaisically meandered to practice earlier in shorts and a t-shirt. Oh yeah, he meandered to practice a little late too, but isn't that what a grand entrance is all about? With the rest of the team already going through individual warm-up drills, Johnson sent the crowd into a frenzy. Despite what would be a probable fine, which Johnson usually doesn't care about, the man knows how the make an entrance.

The receivers were fast to point out his latest day off and I even jumped in, saying in all the their games I've covered, I've never once seen him practice. (This was a complete and utter fib. Not only does he practice, he wants every ball thrown to him in those sessions, too — not just the games.)

T.J.'s attack was funny stuff, and Chad just smirked and didn't even make an attempt to defend himself. He was, however, back in full pads the next day and believe it or not, pulled off an extremely mature and savvy move.

As much as we see of Johnson-the-clown, or Johnson-the-guy-who-takes-months-to-pay-back-head-coaches-for-tickets-to-games or Johnson-the-sideline-show, he loves to compete. The one thing nobody can take from the kid is he lives to make plays.

At the next morning's practice Johnson absolutely lambasted the heck out of some young defender who wasn't giving it his all in practice. Ocho Whatevero yelled at the kid that the guys on the other side of the ball were relying upon him and he was only gypping them if he didn't lay it on.

Nice to see from a guy who I never knew had that side to him.

Overview: The Bengals are a team that's done a good job of keeping its core intact over time. They are pretty much the same guys that worked well two years ago. Last year they struggled a bit, but some of that may have been the fact that Carson Palmer still wasn't 100 percent heading into the season. More of it the fact that the defense didn't play as well as it did the previous season. And even more that they were a team of distractions.

They have all the tools to be an offensive powerhouse, but the key to this team will be the other side of the ball. Getting Leon Hall was a nice grab, especially considering where the Bengals picked. The offense is going to need to light up the scoreboard. If they do that, the defense will only need to be middle of the pack at best. However, I think they'll be a little better than that.

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DC_Bengals_Fan Newbie

DC_Bengals_Fan

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Where's the football? Shouldn't this be in the smack forum? ^_^

"Bucket" only pasted half the article, probably to get a rise out of any hillBILLYs :pokey: on the board...obviously it worked.

Yeah, well, us hillbillies have been sick of condescending Northerners for a couple of hundred years. Bit of a sore point.

In any event, he's right about the disctinction between north and south. You sure as hell wouldn't see a Southerner have such little class as to so thoroughly insult his host. If Mr. Glazer's mama isn't embarassed of him, she should be.

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dbell Newbie

dbell

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I feel that you should do a little research before talking badly about the education levels of Lexington, KY or Kentucky as a whole. All you have to do is look up online, "nations most educated cities." You will find Lexington, KY ranked 9 or 10 in any poll. Colin Cowherd just mentioned it on his show two weeks ago. I checked and New York, NY is ranked 20.

As a UK alum, (no longer a Lexington resident) I know that Lexington is a great COLLEGE town. How can you go to a bar that far off of campus and expect it to be happening. I could say I went to XXX bar in New York and it sucked; therefore New York sucks, but I am a little more intelligent than that. I agree, that bar does suck, but you can't down Lexington because you went to the wrong place. Come to Lexington during a UK basketball game and tell me you don't have a good time.

One other great point of note is that I have lived in both New York and Kentucky, specifically Lexington. Lexington, KY has the most beautiful girls I have ever seen (other than Austin, TX).

Manhattan is a great city, but you have a misconseption of Lexington, KY. It has so much to offer and you have only spent one night there. How can you honestly write a condescending article about the city after spending a couple of hours there. There is no way I could write an article (and feel confident that I am right) like you wrote about a city after only spending a few hours there. I feel it is bad reporting and I challenge you to come to Lexington during the fall, while Keeneland is going on (I'll foot the bill) and tell me how bad of a place it really is.

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BengalszoneBilly Newbie

BengalszoneBilly

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Where's the football? Shouldn't this be in the smack forum? ^_^

"Bucket" only pasted half the article, probably to get a rise out of any hillBILLYs :pokey: on the board...obviously it worked.

The other half of the report is actually decent, a little slice-of-camp about TJ calling out Chad...

GEORGETOWN, Ky. -- I heard a commotion over by the receivers area of the Bengals locker room. Imagine that, a commotion by Chad Johnson and the boys. The moment I walked over T.J. Houshmandzadeh yelled out, "Glaze, I don't want to hear or see another report talking about how hard of a worker Chad is. Not one! I'm sick of it man. He don't work!"

Johnson wasn't working that day and was obviously hearing it from the boys in his section of the peanut gallery.

The peanut gallery jumped aboard T.J.'s ship one after the other laying it on Johnson, who lackadaisically meandered to practice earlier in shorts and a t-shirt. Oh yeah, he meandered to practice a little late too, but isn't that what a grand entrance is all about? With the rest of the team already going through individual warm-up drills, Johnson sent the crowd into a frenzy. Despite what would be a probable fine, which Johnson usually doesn't care about, the man knows how the make an entrance.

The receivers were fast to point out his latest day off and I even jumped in, saying in all the their games I've covered, I've never once seen him practice. (This was a complete and utter fib. Not only does he practice, he wants every ball thrown to him in those sessions, too — not just the games.)

T.J.'s attack was funny stuff, and Chad just smirked and didn't even make an attempt to defend himself. He was, however, back in full pads the next day and believe it or not, pulled off an extremely mature and savvy move.

As much as we see of Johnson-the-clown, or Johnson-the-guy-who-takes-months-to-pay-back-head-coaches-for-tickets-to-games or Johnson-the-sideline-show, he loves to compete. The one thing nobody can take from the kid is he lives to make plays.

At the next morning's practice Johnson absolutely lambasted the heck out of some young defender who wasn't giving it his all in practice. Ocho Whatevero yelled at the kid that the guys on the other side of the ball were relying upon him and he was only gypping them if he didn't lay it on.

Nice to see from a guy who I never knew had that side to him.

Overview: The Bengals are a team that's done a good job of keeping its core intact over time. They are pretty much the same guys that worked well two years ago. Last year they struggled a bit, but some of that may have been the fact that Carson Palmer still wasn't 100 percent heading into the season. More of it the fact that the defense didn't play as well as it did the previous season. And even more that they were a team of distractions.

They have all the tools to be an offensive powerhouse, but the key to this team will be the other side of the ball. Getting Leon Hall was a nice grab, especially considering where the Bengals picked. The offense is going to need to light up the scoreboard. If they do that, the defense will only need to be middle of the pack at best. However, I think they'll be a little better than that.

Oh... so some selective posting omitted the meat of the piece. I see.

Where's the football? Shouldn't this be in the smack forum? ^_^

"Bucket" only pasted half the article, probably to get a rise out of any hillBILLYs :pokey: on the board...obviously it worked

Wrong. If from Kentucky. You should learn to pay attention.

And you should learn to have a little pride in your state. It appears you agree with this articles slanderous tone. Do you?

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bucket Newbie

bucket

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Where's the football? Shouldn't this be in the smack forum? ^_^

"Bucket" only pasted half the article, probably to get a rise out of any hillBILLYs :pokey: on the board...obviously it worked.

The other half of the report is actually decent, a little slice-of-camp about TJ calling out Chad...

GEORGETOWN, Ky. -- I heard a commotion over by the receivers area of the Bengals locker room. Imagine that, a commotion by Chad Johnson and the boys. The moment I walked over T.J. Houshmandzadeh yelled out, "Glaze, I don't want to hear or see another report talking about how hard of a worker Chad is. Not one! I'm sick of it man. He don't work!"

Johnson wasn't working that day and was obviously hearing it from the boys in his section of the peanut gallery.

The peanut gallery jumped aboard T.J.'s ship one after the other laying it on Johnson, who lackadaisically meandered to practice earlier in shorts and a t-shirt. Oh yeah, he meandered to practice a little late too, but isn't that what a grand entrance is all about? With the rest of the team already going through individual warm-up drills, Johnson sent the crowd into a frenzy. Despite what would be a probable fine, which Johnson usually doesn't care about, the man knows how the make an entrance.

The receivers were fast to point out his latest day off and I even jumped in, saying in all the their games I've covered, I've never once seen him practice. (This was a complete and utter fib. Not only does he practice, he wants every ball thrown to him in those sessions, too — not just the games.)

T.J.'s attack was funny stuff, and Chad just smirked and didn't even make an attempt to defend himself. He was, however, back in full pads the next day and believe it or not, pulled off an extremely mature and savvy move.

As much as we see of Johnson-the-clown, or Johnson-the-guy-who-takes-months-to-pay-back-head-coaches-for-tickets-to-games or Johnson-the-sideline-show, he loves to compete. The one thing nobody can take from the kid is he lives to make plays.

At the next morning's practice Johnson absolutely lambasted the heck out of some young defender who wasn't giving it his all in practice. Ocho Whatevero yelled at the kid that the guys on the other side of the ball were relying upon him and he was only gypping them if he didn't lay it on.

Nice to see from a guy who I never knew had that side to him.

Overview: The Bengals are a team that's done a good job of keeping its core intact over time. They are pretty much the same guys that worked well two years ago. Last year they struggled a bit, but some of that may have been the fact that Carson Palmer still wasn't 100 percent heading into the season. More of it the fact that the defense didn't play as well as it did the previous season. And even more that they were a team of distractions.

They have all the tools to be an offensive powerhouse, but the key to this team will be the other side of the ball. Getting Leon Hall was a nice grab, especially considering where the Bengals picked. The offense is going to need to light up the scoreboard. If they do that, the defense will only need to be middle of the pack at best. However, I think they'll be a little better than that.

Oh... so some selective posting omitted the meat of the piece. I see.

Where's the football? Shouldn't this be in the smack forum? ^_^

"Bucket" only pasted half the article, probably to get a rise out of any hillBILLYs :pokey: on the board...obviously it worked

Wrong. If from Kentucky. You should learn to pay attention.

And you should learn to have a little pride in your state. It appears you agree with this articles slanderous tone. Do you?

Wrong again. I posted it so my fellow Kentuckians could take umbrage as well..

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KYProud Newbie

KYProud

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Where's the football? Shouldn't this be in the smack forum? ^_^

"Bucket" only pasted half the article, probably to get a rise out of any hillBILLYs :pokey: on the board...obviously it worked.

The other half of the report is actually decent, a little slice-of-camp about TJ calling out Chad...

GEORGETOWN, Ky. -- I heard a commotion over by the receivers area of the Bengals locker room. Imagine that, a commotion by Chad Johnson and the boys. The moment I walked over T.J. Houshmandzadeh yelled out, "Glaze, I don't want to hear or see another report talking about how hard of a worker Chad is. Not one! I'm sick of it man. He don't work!"

Johnson wasn't working that day and was obviously hearing it from the boys in his section of the peanut gallery.

The peanut gallery jumped aboard T.J.'s ship one after the other laying it on Johnson, who lackadaisically meandered to practice earlier in shorts and a t-shirt. Oh yeah, he meandered to practice a little late too, but isn't that what a grand entrance is all about? With the rest of the team already going through individual warm-up drills, Johnson sent the crowd into a frenzy. Despite what would be a probable fine, which Johnson usually doesn't care about, the man knows how the make an entrance.

The receivers were fast to point out his latest day off and I even jumped in, saying in all the their games I've covered, I've never once seen him practice. (This was a complete and utter fib. Not only does he practice, he wants every ball thrown to him in those sessions, too — not just the games.)

T.J.'s attack was funny stuff, and Chad just smirked and didn't even make an attempt to defend himself. He was, however, back in full pads the next day and believe it or not, pulled off an extremely mature and savvy move.

As much as we see of Johnson-the-clown, or Johnson-the-guy-who-takes-months-to-pay-back-head-coaches-for-tickets-to-games or Johnson-the-sideline-show, he loves to compete. The one thing nobody can take from the kid is he lives to make plays.

At the next morning's practice Johnson absolutely lambasted the heck out of some young defender who wasn't giving it his all in practice. Ocho Whatevero yelled at the kid that the guys on the other side of the ball were relying upon him and he was only gypping them if he didn't lay it on.

Nice to see from a guy who I never knew had that side to him.

Overview: The Bengals are a team that's done a good job of keeping its core intact over time. They are pretty much the same guys that worked well two years ago. Last year they struggled a bit, but some of that may have been the fact that Carson Palmer still wasn't 100 percent heading into the season. More of it the fact that the defense didn't play as well as it did the previous season. And even more that they were a team of distractions.

They have all the tools to be an offensive powerhouse, but the key to this team will be the other side of the ball. Getting Leon Hall was a nice grab, especially considering where the Bengals picked. The offense is going to need to light up the scoreboard. If they do that, the defense will only need to be middle of the pack at best. However, I think they'll be a little better than that.

Oh... so some selective posting omitted the meat of the piece. I see.

Where's the football? Shouldn't this be in the smack forum? ^_^

"Bucket" only pasted half the article, probably to get a rise out of any hillBILLYs :pokey: on the board...obviously it worked

Wrong. If from Kentucky. You should learn to pay attention.

And you should learn to have a little pride in your state. It appears you agree with this articles slanderous tone. Do you?

Wrong again. I posted it so my fellow Kentuckians could take umbrage as well..

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KYProud Newbie

KYProud

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Isn't Bucket from where the whole damn state mispronounces simple words such as "idea" as "idear" and "Alabama" as "Alabamer"? Where the hell did the "r" come from? Oh, I know, if it's happening in NY, it must be right, huh? Any writer who bases what he thinks about a state on a couple of experiences must be one smart guy. Can you say ADD? The only thing that could have made his trip better is if the cops had busted his punka** for driving under the influence on his way back to his hotel.

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