Ox Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Rams fake better than BengalsBy Paul Daugherty • firstname.lastname@example.org • August 27, 2009Here’s your step-by-step guide to analyzing a Bengals preseason game:Undrafted rookie Quan Cosby returns the St. Louis Rams’ first punt 49 yards, untouched, for a touchdown: Playoffs, baby!Samkon Gado rumbles 16 yards off left tackle. Eleven plays, 71 yards against the Bengals’ first-team defense: They stink. When’s spring training?(Great football name, by the way. Samkon Gado would never play soccer.)The ’09 Bengals want to lay a big ol’ Child Please on the rest of the league, and another on all the flounders in the media. If you don’t know what Child Please means, please, child, do not ask your mother.The Bengals didn’t further their cause Thursday night at home against the St. Louis Rams, who were 2-14 last year. At least not in the first half, which in Fake Game 3 is considered the dress rehearsal for the regular season. Starters play a lot.Still, judging a team by its preseason is like judging a photograph by its negative.We’ll just supply Thursday’s first-half math, and let you draw your own conclusions:Bengals offense: Two turnovers, two sacks allowed, a holding penalty, seven points produced. Bengals defense: Zero sacks produced, zero turnovers forced, 14 points allowed.The two turnovers give the Bengals five in three August games, which isn’t good no matter what month you’re talking about. “We can’t allow that to continue,’’ Marvin Lewis decided.Well, it did, almost immediately. Jordan Palmer was intercepted midway through the third quarter.The visitors led 24-21 midway through the fourth quarter. It would have been worse had the Rams not aided the Bengals’ effort with two big penalties that made possible Cincinnati’s second touchdown. The offense didn’t explode, even as J.T. O’Sullivan continued to impress as Carson Palmer’s backup.Cedric Benson carried five times for 17 yards, 12 on one carry. The Bengals have declared they want to run the ball this year and maybe, with Palmer’s arm offering a relevant alternative, they will.But Benson needs to do better than 3.4 yards a pop. He averaged 3.5 yards in 12 games last year, 3.4 in the first half last night and 3.2 overall this summer. He could use a few more holes, of course. But right now, the Bengals running game isn’t AFC North-approved.The Bengals got handled on both lines in the first half. Repeat after me, the playoff-team mantra: Rush the passer/Protect the passer.The offensive line looked good only to Alvin Keels, the agent for first-round holdout Andre Smith. O’Sullivan’s best effort in the first half was an improvised, sort-of shovel pass for 25 yards to rookie Brian Leonard, after the protection broke down.Defensively, the push up front was negligible against the Rams’ slow backup QB Kyle Boller.If this had been a real game, everyone would be ready for next year’s draft. Because it was a fake game, played without Carson Palmer, it’s a shrug. A concerned, it-better-be-better-than-this-and-soon shrug. But still, a shrug.The only people with major concerns coming out of this one are the guys eligible for a face-to-face with Dr. Doom, Jim Lippincott.The club’s director of football operations cuts players. It’s his job. Somebody has to do it. Lippincott has been a star on Hard Knocks, the HBO series featuring the Bengals. He’s scarier than Freddy Krueger.Jim (Leatherface) Lippincott, up at 4 a.m., whetting the cutlery and oiling the chainsaw. If you’re a Bengal on the bubble, the only thing you want to hear from Lippincott is nothing.The game wasn’t sold out, the first of several this year. This just in: You didn’t miss much. If you were at PBS and paid to be there, well, it’s only money. Highway meets robbery every August, at NFL fake games.One more to go. That’s a promise, and a threat. Thursday’s dress rehearsal was nothing to tingle over./>http://news.cincinnati.com/article/20090827/COL03/308270089/1007/SPT02/Doc++Rams+fake+better+than+Bengals Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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