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Breaking news! Marvins Contract Extended another 5 years!


goodbyeMarvin
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Breaking news from my inside source- Marvins contract has been extended through 2017. He also recieved a raise of $1 million a year.

According to ownership, the win yesterday convinced them Marvin is on the right track. "The 4-7 is not his fault. Were happy with Marvins results" said one source.

Another source said "Its not the coaches fault. Its not the players fault. Its not our fault. We have just had bad luck. We blame that bad luck on the fact that its a leap year. So we want to keep Marvin, because, well, were not good at hiring people, and, well, we are selling out with him, so why change?"

To afford Marvins raise the Bengals have fired their 3 scouts and equipment managers. The players will now be required to do their own laundry, or for a $100 a week fee the Bengals will send out their clothes to Widmers drycleaners. They also are no longer providing food for the players. They have however installed a vending machine in the locker room. One Bengals offensive line complained about the vending machine prices. "$12? For a Triple cheeseburger? And we dont even have a microwave to heat it up".

As for scouting, the Bengals will do what they have always done, since it has worked so well- they will get on message boards and scouting websites to see what mock drafts have projected and draft accordingly. Next year they said they will pay special attention to what ArmyBengal and DamienCasey have to say on BengalsZone.com.

"Those two people have proved they have way more time than we do to do scouting. It makes us wonder if they have any lives at all" said one of the fired scouts. Another source said "These two people are the biggest losers we know. They should fit right in with our organization."

Looks like Bengaldom is going to experience some sweeping changes.

BTW being censored by ArmyBengal is not cool...he's abusing his Moderator privelages and should have those rights removed.

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Next year they said they will pay special attention to what ArmyBengal and DamienCasey have to say on BengalsZone.com.

I'm pretty sure Mike does this already. I did some checking, and he's registered here under the name of "Spain". :lol:

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Yawn... Can't think of anything better than this huh ??

Oh well, maybe we'll hire someone GREAT like Cowher or Coughlin or wait, maybe we could get Sabin... Disagree with me all you like and feel free to call me a loser all day long. I've been called far worse and in the end do you know what you will get ??

Marvin Lewis as the Bengals head coach for the foreseeable future !!!

How's being disgruntled working out for you anyway ?? Good luck with that !!!

WHODEY !!!

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Yawn... Can't think of anything better than this huh ??

Oh well, maybe we'll hire someone GREAT like Cowher or Coughlin or wait, maybe we could get Sabin... Disagree with me all you like and feel free to call me a loser all day long. I've been called far worse and in the end do you know what you will get ??

Marvin Lewis as the Bengals head coach for the foreseeable future !!!

How's being disgruntled working out for you anyway ?? Good luck with that !!!

WHODEY !!!

Sounds like someones been sniffing a little too much gunpowder.

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So, do Army and I have an actual paid positions with the Bengals organization? If so we need to start negotiating salary, bonus, and incentives. Please check back with your source...

NO, its strictly voluntary. If your draft however is a success (success is defined as having 1 drafted player play in a game the same year) they will send you an autographed copy of Marvins upcoming book, titled "Being average- why success is overrated". You will also have an invite to one of his press conferences, where ArmyBengal will censor any question you ask.

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So, do Army and I have an actual paid positions with the Bengals organization? If so we need to start negotiating salary, bonus, and incentives. Please check back with your source...

NO, its strictly voluntary. If your draft however is a success (success is defined as having 1 drafted player play in a game the same year) they will send you an autographed copy of Marvins upcoming book, titled "Being average- why success is overrated". You will also have an invite to one of his press conferences, where ArmyBengal will censor any question you ask.

An autographed copy, huh? I can definitely accept that in lieu of pay.

1 drafted player is setting the bar pretty high but I'm always up for a challenge!

I'm so excited!

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