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Hilarious take on the Bears - Bengals tilt


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If you've never visited the site www.pigskinaddiction.com (Link), I highly recommend it - they are highly opinionated and wonderfully expressive - this excerpt is from their "What The Hell Happened" section published every Monday:

Snake's Take: The Bengals are for real and we all need to know that. Their D is playing much better (not that you need to be a stellar D to shut the crap-sack of offense the Bears have) and their offense is probably the best in the NFL right now. Who'da thunk it...Peyton Manning sucking man-crack and Carson Palmer being the fantasy thunder-stud? Chad Johnson is THE man. The guy is now an elite NFL WR and his smack talking is absolutely hilarious. The beauty is, he walks the walk. Any guy that wants to talk it up and walk the walk to back it up is great in my book. If it wasn't for Thomas Jones (104 yards and 1 td), I don't even think you could really call Chicago's offense an offense. They'd be more like a defensive intermission? In fact, that's what we'll call Chicago's offense from now on. So, Chicago's defensive intermission got a good game from TJ to give them their only score as Kyle Orton showed once again why he truly belongs in the Wal-Mart Sporting good department selling shotguns to Nascar fans with mullets. Today Orton threw 5 INT's. Yes, 5. He had 17 completions to his team and 5 to the other team...great percentage. Chicago is the place QB's go to leave the NFL. They should seriously consider running the old Notre Dame box...you don't even use a QB in that one.

The Looneys take on our first two games:

vs. Cleveland

Snake's Take: The score in this one went as expected, but everything else about this game did not. First, WHO THE FOCK IS FRISMAN JACKSON? Frisbee put up 8 snags for 128 yards and a touchdown. I could be standing next to this guy in WalMart and wouldn't know who the hell he was. Hell, he was probably the WalMart greeter last year (No, I don't want a cart and if you put one more of those stupid smiley face stickers on my kids, I'm going to choke you with your electric blue vest). Antonio Bryant owners, Braylon Edwards owners...you're all owed an explanation. I'd call up the Browns front office and ask them when they started the "WalMart Greeter/Wide Receiver exchange program". What happens next week? Jethro Bannister from store 98 plays TE? At any rate...Carson Palmer threw for 280 yards and a couple of scores to lead the way for the Bengals. Rudi Johnson had a big game rumbling for 126 yards and a score after not even starting the game for being late to a team meeting (buy a watch moron). Cleveland's D is as horrible as we expected. Their O isn't far behind. Who the hell names their kid "Frisman" ?

vs. Vikings

Snake's Take: Oh where to begin here...after ripping Joey Harrington and the Lions so bad, it almost seems wrong to tear into the Vikings that way? Nahhhh. Let's start with the top...Mike Tice. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that 9 out of 10 chimpanzee's would double Tice's IQ score. I don't know what game he's watching, but the one I see has him calling plays in the most moronic fashion possible. He's on the hot seat now and in a couple more losses, he'll be watching the Vikings play on TV. Now, Daunte Stuffedpepper...the human turnover machine. He matched Harrington's feat and threw 5 INT's today. 5 damn interceptions out of 37 passes...now I'm not mathlete, but I'd say that is about 1 INT every 7 passes (thank you. I got a D in Geometry so I'm pretty good with this mathematical type stuff). Normally one would think if your overstuffed balloon of a QB was throwing an INT every 7 passes, you'd maybe run the ball? No chance. Michelle Bennett (that prissy little track star) had 3 carries for 36 yards. You're saying, "Snake...that's 12 yards a carry! That's damn good!" Normally I'd say yes, that is great. However, HE FUMBLED AWAY 2 OF HIS 3 FRICKING CARRIES! How in the hell do you only get 3 carries and give 2 of them away to the other team? That's just sad. Carson Palmer, Chad Johnson, and hell, the rest of the Bengal offense just tore Minnesota's "new and improved" defense to pieces. The only positive Minnesota can draw from this game is that.....is that they......well, they didn't......okay, they were all ov......who am I kidding? There isn't one damn positive thing Minnesota can take from this game.

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Haha, a little to fiery for my tastes, but a fun read. B)

Imagine what comments he will have for the Texans after or game... :D

Too fiery for you TDB? :rolleyes: That stuff is right up my alley. Of course it was a tad bit heavy with sarcastic humor, but I'm good with that. I love humor more than anything in this world. Well...not more than Boobies of course. B):yes:bouncingboobs2lz.gif

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