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Top 15 Signs an Athlete is Using a Banned Substanc


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1. Gets "psyched" before each competition by banging his head against a locker, although he's on the chess team.

2. Her javelin was shot down by jet fighters.

3. Killed two spectators and a line judge with his forehand lob at this year's French Open.

4. Although a sprinter, he won both the Indy 500 and the Preakness.

5. Swimmer's refusal to trim beard and wax chest costs her valuable seconds in the 100-meter freestyle.

6. His red and yellow jersey reads, "Track Cartel de Colombia."

7. Absent-mindedly shows up at starting blocks with syringe dangling from arm.

8. Remainder of high-jump event postponed until he lands.

9. Somehow manages to win the 100-meter butterfly without getting wet.

10. Signs new contract for $6 over 2 million years.

11.Instead of exploding out of the blocks, he just explodes.

12. According to the urine test, he's six-week's pregnant.

13. Breaks his pelvis but insists he can just "walk it off."

14.Has switched her shower song from "I Feel Pretty" to "Old Man River."

15. Forget Nike and Reebok-he's got endorsement deals with Merck and Glaxo.

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