Need Advice

[Ickey44]

Fellow Zoners, I need your opinion on something. During my whole relationship with my wife, she has been friends with her ex-husband and an ex-boyfriend. I made my feelings known to her that I didn't approve, but that was about as far as it went.

In February, I found out that she'd been talking to her ex-husband about some relationship issues we were having. After a huge argument, she agreed to stop talking to them.

Fast forward to Tuesday, I'm looking at the phone bill and find out that she hasn't stopped talking to them. She now says that I can't dictate who her friends and the whole thing ended up with her leaving.

Am I wrong, right, or somewhere in the middle? I don't know what to think about all this. Should I stand my ground? Am I making too much of this? Please let me know what you think.

[BengalszoneBilly]

Ooh. Tough situation.

I could give some advice, but given what I know about the situation it's basically shooting from the hip. I would suggest a professional counsellor experienced in these matters.

[ArmyBengal]

Very tough situation indeed. Lets see.....

Hookers and blow ??

Anyway, I can only speak for myself if I were in that situation and it would piss me right the f*ck off with a quickness. It's your wife, not your girlfriend, so how you handle that "may" be different, but then again, I don't know you or your wife, so that's what makes it a challenge to give advice.

If it were me, I would probably be a complete ass hole about it and end up getting a divorce, but that probably doesn't help you much.

Keep your head up and I hope things get better for you and to answer your question, I think you are right.

[Scottishbengal]

A tricky situation indeed. How would your mrs feel if it were you that were maintaining contact with ex's despite her requests (and your agreements) that it would cease?? No doubt she'd feel threatened and insecure, hurt, suspicious etc etc.

Personally I would stand my ground and if she doesn't like it so what? If she up's and away the relationship wasn't strong enough, if she up's and aways with her ex's then you were proved right to have concerns, if she understands your feelings and values YOUR relationship more than that of her ex's then she cuts contact with them and devotes the energy to your relationship.

Thats just my take on the situation in relation to the info provided. I'm not for one second advocating what you should do in your own situation but I certainly hope it all works out well and ends happily for you dude.

[BengalPimp]

Very tricky situation. I had a situation somewhat similar to this years ago (pre-marriage) with my girlfriend at the time. She was real cool, but the type that didn't have a lot of Girlfriends, and was still friends with some of her ex's. We dated for a little over a year, but she didn't talk to them that much....that is, until we had a fight. Instead of calling a girlfriend (which she didn't have many) she would call a guy friend. It Pissed me off just as much it does you. I didn't really feel insecure, but I guess being a guy, I just don't trust another guy giving my lady advice. Being a guy, I know how we think, and I also know that although guys can be friends with girls, a lot of them will also take advantage of an opportunity if it presents itself. Anyways, I finally had enough, and told her not to talk about our problems with her ex. She immediately thought I was being jealous for no reason, and busted out with the "Guys and Girls can be just friends" and I tried to explain how some guys think, and how they will listen, and be a friend if there is any potential to "get some". To make a long story short (too late), we ended up going our separate ways. It ended up being for the best, because I met my wife not too long after that, and have been happy ever since.

I can't really give advice, but thought I'd share, just so you know that stuff like that does happen, and your not the only one.

If it were just a girlfriend I would say...Dump her, you don't need that drama, but it's your wife, and she's talking to her ex-husband...not just an ex-boyfriend (big difference).

The only thing I can say is, as good as it would feel to tell her off, and to not talk to them anymore, it will more than likely just push her farther away from you....I would just stress how you are her husband, and should also be her best friend, and if anything is bothering her, she should come to you first, not somebody else...Even if it's something about you that's bothering her...Just tell her that you 2 know your relationship better than anyone else, so why get advice from an ex?

Hope that helps in some way, and I hope things work out for you man.

[Ickey44]

Thanks for your thoughts, guys. She actually settled down some and was willing to compromise after we both cooled down a little bit. We're working on things and basically starting over again.

[BengalPimp]

Glad to hear that

[ArmyBengal]

Thanks for your thoughts, guys. She actually settled down some and was willing to compromise after we both cooled down a little bit. We're working on things and basically starting over again.

Great !!! See what Hookers and Blow can do for a relationship ??

Anyway, hope things continue to go well for the both of you !!!