Sports Related Humor

[BengalszoneBilly]

Little David was in the 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up – fireman, policeman, salesman, etc…David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father’s an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of the other men. Sometimes, if the offer’s really good, he’ll go out in the alley with some other guy and make love for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took little David aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your Father"

"No" said David, "He plays for the Arizona Cardinals, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

[Kirkendall]

[BengalszoneBilly]

Football sayings that just sound dirty:

1. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.

2. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.

3. He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow.

4. It's a game of inches.

5. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.

6. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.

7. He's gonna feel that one tomorrow.

8. He found his tight end.

9. End around.

10. He had to stretch to get it in.

11. He gets penetration in the backfield.

12. He blows them off (at the line).

13. He bangs it in.

14. He could go all the way.

15. He gets it off just in time.

16. He goes deep.

17. He found a hole and slid through it.

18. He pounds it in.

19. He beats them off (the line).

20. He's got great hands.

[BengalszoneBilly]

Deep South Football Jokes (My apologies to Kevnz!)

What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?

.........Drool.

What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?

.........A full set of teeth.

How do you get a South Carolina cheerleader into your dorm room?

.........Grease her hips and push really hard.

How do you get a Georgia graduate off your porch?

.........Pay him for the pizza.

How do you know if a Mississippi State football player has a girlfriend?

........There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup

Why is the Kentucky football team like a possum?

.........Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

What are the longest three years of an Auburn football player's

life?

.........His freshman year.

How many Florida freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?

.........None. That's a sophomore course.

Where was O. J. headed in the white Bronco?

........Baton Rouge, Louisiana. He knew that the police would never

look at LSU for a Heisman Trophy winner.

AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash.....)

Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?

.........You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday,

and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week

[BengalszoneBilly]

Dallas Cowboys

Q: What do they call a drug ring in Dallas?

A: A huddle.

Q: There are 4 Dallas Cowboys in a car, who's driving?

A: The police.

Q: Why can't Michael Irvin be in the Cowboy huddle anymore?

A: It's a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.

The team doctor said because of Michael Irvin's fractured wrist, it'll be 6 - 8 weeks before he can video tape a team mate having sex.

The Chicago Bears are trying to trade for Michael Irvin. They got rid of the "Refrigerator" and now they want a "Coke Machine".

It was reported today that the artificial turf in Texas Stadium is being replaced because the Cowboys play much better on "grass".

The Dallas Cowboys have adopted a new "Honor System". "Yes, your Honor", "No, your Honor".

The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year. 12 arrests and 5 convictions.

In a move to strengthen their defense, the Dallas Cowboys today hired a new defensive coordinator, Johnny Cochran.

Q: How do the Cowboys spend the first week of training camp?

A: Studying the Miranda Rights

[Kirkendall]

Billy, you are killing me.. Good stuff!

[BengalszoneBilly]

Thanks. It killed me too! Just stuff I find while I surf the web from one end to the other day after day!

Here's another:

Half Time

A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the man cuts a fart. His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?"

The man says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead, seven to nothing."

A few minutes later the wife lets one loose. The man says to her, "What was that?"

She replies, "Touchdown, tie score."

The man lays there for about ten minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard that he craps all over the bed.

The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?" He replies, "Half Time. Switch sides!"

[Kirkendall]

I heard that one but it's still a classic. I'm also a webmaster at my job, which is the Dayton courts and I have a page on the Intranet with just jokes.. hehe.. I'm going to add those..

[BengalszoneBilly]

Football Wedding

Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.

One says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?"

The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."

"What do you call it?"

"We call it a football wedding."

The first asks, "What's a football wedding?"

The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"

[BengalszoneBilly]

Empty Seat

A Bengals fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Paul Brown Stadium, until he noticed an empty seat right down in front at the 50 yard line. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was.

The guy said, "Yes, that's my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since the teams first days, but my wife has recently died."

The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad that he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to and enjoy the game together.

"Oh no." the guy said. "I tried, but they're all at the funeral."

[bengalboy]

The Boston Red Sox. HA HA HA HA.

[BengalszoneBilly]

At 85 years of age, Morris decides to marry Nicole, a lovely 25-year-old. Because her new husband is so old, Nicole decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris are to have separate bedrooms. She is slightly concerned that her new husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding ceremony and reception, Nicole prepares herself for bed and waits for the expected knock on the door. Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes surprisingly well, where upon Morris takes leave of Nicole, and she prepares to go sleep.

After a few minutes, Nicole hears another knock on her bedroom door. It's Morris again! And he's ready for more action! Somewhat shocked, Nicole consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses Nicole, bids her a fond goodnight, and leaves Nicole to go to sleep again.

However, after about 15 minutes, there is yet another knock at her door, and there he is again... as fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for a bit more action. And again they enjoy one another.

As Morris is once again set to leave, the young bride says to him, "I’m really impressed that at your age, honey, you're still capable of that. I've been with guys less than a third your age who were only good for one time! You're a great lover, Morris." Morris, somewhat embarrassed and confused, turns to Nicole and says, "You mean I was in here before?"

[redsfan2]

At 85 years of age, Morris decides to marry Nicole, a lovely 25-year-old. Because her new husband is so old, Nicole decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris are to have separate bedrooms. She is slightly concerned that her new husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding ceremony and reception, Nicole prepares herself for bed and waits for the expected knock on the door. Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes surprisingly well, where upon Morris takes leave of Nicole, and she prepares to go sleep.

After a few minutes, Nicole hears another knock on her bedroom door. It's Morris again! And he's ready for more action! Somewhat shocked, Nicole consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses Nicole, bids her a fond goodnight, and leaves Nicole to go to sleep again.

However, after about 15 minutes, there is yet another knock at her door, and there he is again... as fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for a bit more action. And again they enjoy one another.

As Morris is once again set to leave, the young bride says to him, "I’m really impressed that at your age, honey, you're still capable of that. I've been with guys less than a third your age who were only good for one time! You're a great lover, Morris." Morris, somewhat embarrassed and confused, turns to Nicole and says, "You mean I was in here before?"

Believe it or not, I just noticed the new titti ....... no make that title next to your avatar.

[BengalszoneBilly]

Believe it or not, I just noticed the new titti ....... no make that title next to your avatar.

Yeah, I like to change things up. I get bored even keeping the same wallpaper on my desktop for over a day! My avatar is somewhat hypnotic though, isn't it?

[redsfan2]

Believe it or not, I just noticed the new titti ....... no make that title next to your avatar.

Yeah, I like to change things up. I get bored even keeping the same wallpaper on my desktop for over a day! My avatar is somewhat hypnotic though, isn't it?

I'm ....................... sorry billy ..................... Were you saying something ??

I think I got ......... distracted by the

[redsfan2]

Football sayings that just sound dirty:

1. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.

2. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.

3. He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow.

4. It's a game of inches.

5. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.

6. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.

7. He's gonna feel that one tomorrow.

8. He found his tight end.

9. End around.

10. He had to stretch to get it in.

11. He gets penetration in the backfield.

12. He blows them off (at the line).

13. He bangs it in.

14. He could go all the way.

15. He gets it off just in time.

16. He goes deep.

17. He found a hole and slid through it.

18. He pounds it in.

19. He beats them off (the line).

20. He's got great hands.

The one that always got me was when they say " He's been nursing a stiff groin " .............

[BengalszoneBilly]

The one that always got me was when they say " He's been nursing a stiff groin " .............

Wecome to the life of the single man!