BengalszoneBilly Posted July 3, 2005 Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BengalszoneBilly Posted July 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 Jeff Foxworthy NASCAR Redneck Jokes: You Might Be A NASCAR Redneck If...You think the last four words of the National Anthem are "Gentleman, start your engines!"....You think heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach Florida....You've ever written Richard Petty's name on a presidential ballot....You're not actually able to read The Richard Petty Story, but you sure do like to look at the pictures....You have the word NASCAR someplace in your wedding vows....You go to a stock car race and don't need a program....You have a lifesize cutout of Dale Earnhardt in your Living Room....You know who is actually leading the Nextel Cup series....Your favorite NASCAR souvenir was a direct result of a crash in turn three....You spell out NASCAR in Christmas lights....You can remember the entire NASCAR series schedule but can't remember your wifes birthday, kids birthday, or anniversary....You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can't remember how old your children are....You think the most effective form of advertising is on the side of a car going 200 mph.....round and round and round....The word "bank" makes you think of turn three at Daytona....Your wife's nickname is "Lugnut"....You've spent more time on the top of your Winnebago than in it....You know the "back way" to Talledega....You can change a tire faster than you can change a diaper....You hit the wall when Earnhardt hits the wall....You make engine noises while watching racing on TV...._________________________________________________________________Top 10 Things You'll Never Hear a Nascar Driver Say10 - I would like to thank Satan for my win today....9 - I lost because my pit crew is bunch of jerkoffs.8 - I could win 10 races a year if my sponsors weren't such a cheap bunch of...7 - I wouldn't feel safe, if it weren't for that restrictor plate.6 - You better put that down or Jeff Gordon will come over here and kick your butt.5 - My crew chief is an idiot.4 - Has anyone seen my Jerri-Curl?3 - We would have won, but Jesus loves Jeff Gordon more.2 - I'm happy to see the democrats win the election!1 - My car sucked today! We're taking a wrecking ball to it ASAP! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirkendall Posted July 3, 2005 Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 Oh no. Redneck NASCAR jokes that apply to me:- You go to a stock car race and don't need a program... (happened a few weekends ago). - You know who is actually leading the Nextel Cup series....- You spell out NASCAR in Christmas lights.... (not NASCAR, but mom had a number 8 all in red on the side of the house)- You hit the wall when Earnhardt hits the wall.... (not me, but an insane Jr. fan I was hanging with threw their fist through the wall when Jr. wrecked at Vegas).You make engine noises while watching racing on TV.... (totally me, although I do it more during IRL races)1 - My car sucked today! We're taking a wrecking ball to it ASAP! DJ and Kahne said that last year when they missed the chase at Richmond. It was pretty funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.