BengalszoneBilly Posted February 10, 2013 Report Share Posted February 10, 2013 Nothing fancy, just jokes.Picture , if you can , a room full of pregnant women with their husbands. A nurse says, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself; make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.""Gentlemen, remember -- you're both in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand."Yes?" said the Nurse."I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BengalszoneBilly Posted February 10, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2013 A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:HUSBAND WANTED!MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),MUST NOT BEAT ME,MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BengalszoneBilly Posted February 10, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2013 Russ and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Russ didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Russ. But one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold -- there sat Russ!Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'what the ... Russ, what in the world happened to you?'Russ replied….well boy , 'I was in jail.''Jail!' cried Sam. What on earth for?''Well,' Russ said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?''Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?’'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me. At 89 years old I have my pride, so when I got into court I pled guilty. Then the judge gave me 30 days for perjury’. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BengalszoneBilly Posted February 10, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2013 Vern works hard at the Phone Company but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Vern! How ya doin?'His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.'Oh no,' says Vern. 'He's in my bowling league.'When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, ‘How did she know that you drink Budweiser?''I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Vern, starts torub herself all over him and says, 'Hi Vern. Want your usual table dance, big boy?Vern's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Vern follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.The cabby turns around and says, 'Geez Vern, you picked up a real bitch this time.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BengalszoneBilly Posted February 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCsHEpQBRJU Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BengalszoneBilly Posted February 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OfQi6zIlzE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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