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COB

How Can Nugent Be Fixed

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We are keeping our kicker who seems, as kickers do, to have reached his expiration date in Cincinnati.  Researching kickers, bringing them in for a tryout, shuttling them to and from the airport... sounds like a lot of work!  We'll just stick with Mike.  

But he has to get better.  

I'm thinking maybe rub some essential oils on his foot, get him some of that Brett Favre copper underwear, cut down on carbs, and as a last resort maybe a complete colon cleanse like the one Oprah uses.  

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Since the season is already lost I say they do a special promotion. Every game random fans are selected to kick all extra points.

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Go for two on every TD and improve your odds at actually scoring points ??

If not that, than might I suggest a blindfold.
I mean seeing the FG posts don't help, so maybe he could tap into the force and "feel" the FG posts before kicking.
Odds are the results won't be much worse.

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Possibly some chemotherapy, and while he recovers Nuge can read a couple self help books.  Should knock a few PATs down the middle after that.

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1 hour ago, ArmyBengal said:

I found this helpful website that maybe someone can forward to Nuge...

http://www.wikihow.com/Kick-a-Field-Goal

No joke.   I watched his last miss on All 22.   His follow through is all fucked up.   The misses are clearly in his head and he's just throwing shit against the wall.  

I was joking somewhat but when the Bengals driving for the tie, it would have been real interesting if they would have gotten the TD and needing the PAT. 

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Go for two. If you make 50%, the net is the same as PAT. But you do have to score a TD first. In other words, they're fucked. 

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It's pretty obvious that Nuent does not follow through. His foot stops when he contacts the ball. Only other kicker that does that is Penn States kicker. But he's successful . 22 out of 24 this yr.

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Nuge's PAT misses are beyond belief.   He misses to the opposite side of where his leg ends up.    Yet a FG from the same distance is no problem for him.

 

 

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Hypnotize him, tie him to a bed and do an exorcism, let Mike rub his very geriatric nut sack all over Nugent's kicking foot, encase a video of Nugent's missed kicks in concrete and throw it into the Ohio River, face reality and accept that Nuge is the victim of some sort of malevolent hex that can only be cured by tying him to 3 goats then throwing the whole contraption into a swamp, recruit a whole crapload of black lives matter protesters who will take over the student union until Nugent makes four consecutive PATs, have the whole team lift Nugent above their heads at midnight in PBS, chanting ten times, "Smitten, Battered, Beaten, Torn," instruct Nugent to go to the Steak 'N Shake on Colerain Avenue and go into the men's bathroom, loudly proclaim, "This is my declaration against evil!  I now take authority over the kingdom of evil and missed PATs in the name of almight Joel Osteen, with this holy, powerful, supernatural flush I excersise dominion over the spiritual wickedness that inhabits all kicks under 30 yards."  Then he flushes.     

 

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Again, stop scoring Touchdowns and you can't miss a PAT.   Nuge is not to blame.   Zampese and Dalton with their selfish stat padding are to blame.

Team game assholes.   A member of your "TEAM" isn't comfortable kicking PATs, so why would you do something to make it an issue?  End Hateful playcalling and here's some hot coco.

 

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On 12/7/2016 at 6:40 AM, COB said:

 

 

On 12/7/2016 at 6:40 AM, COB said:

 

Hypnotize him, tie him to a bed and do an exorcism, let Mike rub his very geriatric nut sack all over Nugent's kicking foot, encase a video of Nugent's missed kicks in concrete and throw it into the Ohio River, face reality and accept that Nuge is the victim of some sort of malevolent hex that can only be cured by tying him to 3 goats then throwing the whole contraption into a swamp

 

Ok COB....  You are scaring the shit out of the Japanese here at the hot noodle soup bar. And it's your fault!  They see a hairy, bigger than them pale face laughing hysterically for apparently know reason at the hot noodle soup....  When they call the cops out of sheer fear, I'm expecting bail money.

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Nugent's cleaning out my gutters right now and says he'll give you guys all a good deal if you hire him before the first of the year.  Straight cash, homies.  

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