More Bulletin Board Material from Gil Brandt

[HoosierCat]

Organizationally, Lewis has been a godsend for the team. He has a steady hand and has, slowly but surely, pushed, pulled and prodded the Brown family in a more professional direction. It's easy to see why a lot of fans believe he would make a good GM. But as a coach he's just a guy.

[ArmyBengal]

Like I said, I like Marvin Lewis and am very appreciative of how the team is no longer the punching bag of the league.

However, like you said, he's just a guy as a coach. I haven't seen someone with such a mediocre to poor performance record be kept for so long.

I don't want to turn this into a Marvin Lewis thread because it has been gone over to such an extent it becomes pointless to discuss.

I just fail to understand why there continues to be all the hate for Dalton, yet no mention of the coaching failures of this team.

Winning cures all and I just want to see a Super Bowl win before I die.

I don't need a dynasty, I don't need the best QB in the history of the game, I just want one f*cking championship.

Let me/us have that moment in time.

[HoosierCat]

I don't need a dynasty, I don't need the best QB in the history of the game, I just want one f*cking championship.

Let me/us have that moment in time.

Amen.

[HoosierCat]

And today's dbag is...Coley Harvey! Says the Bengals beat boy wonder: the Bengals need to brace for a step back. Why? Because reasons, that's why! Here's the lead:

It was one of the best seasons in the Cincinnati Bengals' 45-year history.

An 11-5 regular-season record. A division championship. A top-3 playoff seeding. A top-3 defense. A top-10 offense. Indeed, 2013 will forever be remembered as the year it all finally came together for a franchise that, believe it or not, long ago discarded its status as a perennial loser.

So, last year it all finally come together...but now, six whole months later, it's all over. Got it. Onward...

Regression is real in the NFL.

Regression is real in [insert anything here] too. Let's skip ahead a bit and see if we get any reasons. Ahhh, here we are:

Along with playing in the same division as a Pittsburgh team that seems poised to make a legitimate turnaround from an injury-plagued 8-8 season, the Bengals also enter the year with the same player behind center who regularly wilted in some of the biggest games and moments from the last three seasons. Quarterback Andy Dalton appears to have made mechanical improvements, but he'll need boosts to his psyche in order to make constant success his norm instead of the bouts of inconsistency that have routinely sabotaged his otherwise stellar play.

Jeezus. Fking. Kay. Rist. This. Sht. Again? Shorter Harvey: Bengals will lose 'cause Pitt is teh awesome and Andy Dalton sukks!!!

Combine the Pittsburgh factor and the Dalton factor with the coaching factor,

Ahhh, here comes the "they lost Jay and Zim" bit...

but there were other changes made aside from Hue Jackson and Paul Guenther's promotions. They also brought on a linebackers coach and a co-defensive backs assistant from the outside, and will have a first-time position coach in running backs assistant Kyle Caskey.

SCREEECH!!!! SLAM! BANG! Hisssssss.... OK the car just went into a wall there. Gotta give Coley some points for originality here: the Bengals will lose because of their new running backs assistant coach.

Pardon me while I chug a bottle of Jack.

A playoff win, regardless of what happened in the regular season, certainly should be greeted as a positive. But is that a sign of "progress?"

Wait...wut?

A playoff win...is that a sign of "progress?"

(I am now staring at my screen making incomprehensible noises)

A playoff win..."progress?"

[kingwilly]

we've entered the black hole of NFL calendar. Pre-camp, post-OTA, draftees signed, incremental arrests, randomized non-contact injuries, baby announcements, and all the etc they can muster.

nothing is news right now. nothing. so they invent some, or as here, re-hash and reheat the same stuff that was relevent to be discussed back in March.

yawn.

Coley has a word quota to fill. Not that his points are good but I'd rather have a re-hash of the obvious, if not overstated set of known circumstances than have breaking news of Fat Andre incurring a high-ankle sprain while exiting a booth at the Golden Corral all-you-can-eat Prime Rib buffet.

[HoosierCat]

Oh, I get that. But what flummoxes me is that after six long months of everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, being about a playoff win, we get:

A playoff win...is that a sign of "progress?"

Un-flippin-real.

(Oh, BTW, if Dalton sucks this year I am TOTALLY blaming Kyle Caskey.)

[TJJackson]

Coley has a word quota to fill. Not that his points are good but I'd rather have a re-hash of the obvious, if not overstated set of known circumstances than have breaking news of Fat Andre incurring a high-ankle sprain while exiting a booth at the Golden Corral all-you-can-eat Prime Rib buffet.

wait - Golden Corral has all you can eat prime rib?

[COB]

Coley has a word quota to fill. Not that his points are good but I'd rather have a re-hash of the obvious, if not overstated set of known circumstances than have breaking news of Fat Andre incurring a high-ankle sprain while exiting a booth at the Golden Corral all-you-can-eat Prime Rib buffet.

wait - Golden Corral has all you can eat prime rib?

I'll check on it for you.

[COB]

Just checked it out. Golden Corral brought Premium Prime Rib and Shrimp weekends back in 2013. Sedentary, obese, Americans everywhere rejoiced and went on to the forum message boards at Golden Corral's community website. This is a real thing. You have to register and join if you want to comment on, or read the comments about, the return of Premium Prime Rib and Shrimp weekends. To try to entice you to join the forum, they give you one comment to read, no charge. The comment is by Belinda Plopper, on March 27, 2013, and she states, "Can't wait". It almost lured me in.

Resist, if you think you can.

[HoosierCat]

The photos are better...way better.

[COB]

Well, below is an awesome example of the content on the Golden Corral message boards.

Hoosier points me towards the photos, I check it out, and I find one helpfully entitled, "Me smiling after a wonderful meal at Golden Corral". If you find yourself in Hesperia, CA, and you want to slap the old feedbag on, you may just encounter our friend Steve Krantz hammering down creamed corn and fried chicken. Then taking a picture of himself while under the influence of said affordable yet still satisfying nourishment. Then posting said picture on the Golden Corral photography forum.

[Earendil]

I thought that was a woman (an ugly woman) when I first looked at the picture.

[cincyhokie]

And today's dbag is...Coley Harvey! Says the Bengals beat boy wonder: the Bengals need to brace for a step back. Why? Because reasons, that's why! Here's the lead:

It was one of the best seasons in the Cincinnati Bengals' 45-year history.

An 11-5 regular-season record. A division championship. A top-3 playoff seeding. A top-3 defense. A top-10 offense. Indeed, 2013 will forever be remembered as the year it all finally came together for a franchise that, believe it or not, long ago discarded its status as a perennial loser.

So, last year it all finally come together...but now, six whole months later, it's all over. Got it. Onward...

Regression is real in the NFL.

Regression is real in [insert anything here] too. Let's skip ahead a bit and see if we get any reasons. Ahhh, here we are:

Along with playing in the same division as a Pittsburgh team that seems poised to make a legitimate turnaround from an injury-plagued 8-8 season, the Bengals also enter the year with the same player behind center who regularly wilted in some of the biggest games and moments from the last three seasons. Quarterback Andy Dalton appears to have made mechanical improvements, but he'll need boosts to his psyche in order to make constant success his norm instead of the bouts of inconsistency that have routinely sabotaged his otherwise stellar play.

Jeezus. Fking. Kay. Rist. This. Sht. Again? Shorter Harvey: Bengals will lose 'cause Pitt is teh awesome and Andy Dalton sukks!!!

Combine the Pittsburgh factor and the Dalton factor with the coaching factor,

Ahhh, here comes the "they lost Jay and Zim" bit...

but there were other changes made aside from Hue Jackson and Paul Guenther's promotions. They also brought on a linebackers coach and a co-defensive backs assistant from the outside, and will have a first-time position coach in running backs assistant Kyle Caskey.

SCREEECH!!!! SLAM! BANG! Hisssssss.... OK the car just went into a wall there. Gotta give Coley some points for originality here: the Bengals will lose because of their new running backs assistant coach.

Pardon me while I chug a bottle of Jack.

A playoff win, regardless of what happened in the regular season, certainly should be greeted as a positive. But is that a sign of "progress?"

Wait...wut?

A playoff win...is that a sign of "progress?"

(I am now staring at my screen making incomprehensible noises)

A playoff win..."progress?"

:blowup2:/>

I kind of had a shitty day at work and then at home. This was some good comic relief. For me at least.

Thanks for sharing!

[ArmyBengal]

I was gone for a week and totally missed out on the Golden Corral prime rib announcement here.

Maybe we can do a Bengalszone get together and invite Kyle Caskey.

We can buy his meal and let him know in no uncertain terms that if Dalton fails this year we will be coming to f*ck him up.

[COB]

I was gone for a week and totally missed out on the Golden Corral prime rib announcement here.

Maybe we can do a Bengalszone get together and invite Kyle Caskey.

We can buy his meal and let him know in no uncertain terms that if Dalton fails this year we will be coming to f*ck him up.

Kyle Caskey was a hell of a discus thrower at Texas A&M. He quit football after two years, but focused on the discus and was all conference in the Big 12. So when we go to f{ck him up, I'll be kind of in the back, sort of looking for someone to hold me back, cheering you guys on.

[ArmyBengal]

I was gone for a week and totally missed out on the Golden Corral prime rib announcement here.

Maybe we can do a Bengalszone get together and invite Kyle Caskey.

We can buy his meal and let him know in no uncertain terms that if Dalton fails this year we will be coming to f*ck him up.

Kyle Caskey was a hell of a discus thrower at Texas A&M. He quit football after two years, but focused on the discus and was all conference in the Big 12. So when we go to f{ck him up, I'll be kind of in the back, sort of looking for someone to hold me back, cheering you guys on.

Strength in numbers my friend, strength in numbers.

He'll be all bloated from the all you can eat prime rib anyway.

[HoosierCat]

OK, this guy in in Columbus and it absolutely has to be COB. C'mon, COB, 'fess up!!!

/>https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/324283889/potato-salad

[COB]

Strangely, that wasn't me. I can't even eat potato salad, can't stand it.

[ArmyBengal]

With a middle name like "Danger", I figured it had to be COB.

COB "Danger" Leopard Print Snuggie

[HoosierCat]

And today's d-bag is...SI's Andy Benoit! Apparently, the Bengals aren't even in the picture. Let's go straight to his "bottom line":

There are more question marks than usual here, but there are resources to answer them. Expect the AFC North to come down to Pittsburgh and Baltimore

Defending champs? Pshaw, they'll be lucky to beat Cleveland I suppose. This piece is a Pittsburgh piece, and why wll the Steelers be in the hunt? Let's go to the headline:

Steelers Preview: The Greatness of Ben

Of course. Never mind that he has no receivers, no o-line, an iffy running game and a d relying on rookies (all of which the article admits). Never mind His Greatness routinely gets hurt (and almost dies!). Never mind that his QB rating last year was about 3 whole points higher than everyone's favorite whipping QB, Andy "tazer nuts" Dalton. Nope, the cool kids from Pitt and Baltimore will rule the school, and those Bengals can just go back into the basement where they belong.

[Earendil]

The Bengals won't get any respect from people like that until they win at least 3 Super Bowls.

[ArmyBengal]

I'm actually wondering about the Steelers running game this year.

The pieces are there, but will the o-line be sufficient to support them.

They brought blunt in with Le'von Bell and drafted Dri Archer (who I loved in the draft) and broke a nice screen in their first game.

Am I worried about either Baltimore or Pittsburgh ?? No more than any other season, but think the Bengals are still right there and are in a nice position to defend the AFCN title from last season. Here's to hoping they go a little further than the first round.

[TJJackson]

And today's d-bag is...SI's Andy Benoit! Apparently, the Bengals aren't even in the picture. Let's go straight to his "bottom line":

I get a huge smile on my face every single time I see sh!t like this

Because like the thread title suggests, all the media is doing is motivating the players

Motivation is really, really, REALLY (did I mention really?) good thing

Give us more, please, dearest media :-)

Luv ya!

[HoosierCat]

More smile material for TJ:

/>http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/eye-on-football/24667633/eof-podcast-manziels-middle-finger-afc-north-nfc-east-previews

I didn't even bother listening. All I needed was this line:

Meanwhile, we also talk about the AFC North and NFC East in the latest edition of Best-Case, Worst-Case. A little teaser: We have the Bengals finishing third in their division,

Apparently Andy Dalton = Brandon Weeden. Whatevs.

[ArmyBengal]

Lazy.

We have the Bengals finishing 3rd, because there's simply no way they can keep up with the Steelers and Ravens who simply get it right all the time.

Yeah, great line of thought right there. First round playoff losses don't equate to a team falling off the radar when they haven't lost much.

Sorry, but I simply don't think the other teams have done so much more than the Bengals have this offseason that would suggest the Bengals are the 3rd best team in the division. I like some of the draft picks of the other teams, but overall they won't be the difference makers in getting those teams back to the playoffs.

I like our continuity with the majority of the players and the two changes at the coordinator positions.

Bengals win the AFCN again.