Ox Posted January 12, 2009 Report Share Posted January 12, 2009 Hey Detroit! We're No. 1!By Paul Daugherty • firstname.lastname@example.org • January 12, 2009Now Detroit is getting the pub. First it was Seattle, with its Sonics moving and its Mariners drowning and its Seahawks sending off Mike Holmgren with a whoopee-cushion season. Seattle was the toughest place to be a fan.Until Detroit was. Detroit sports journalist Mitch Albom has written a piece for Sports Illustrated, in which he decides Motown is lowest down when it comes to sports. Detroit fans have it the worst, Albom figures.Frankly, I’m feeling disrespected by our lack of disrespect. I’m tired of Cincinnati not getting the discredit it deserves. No one beats us for futile teams or suffering fans or unrequited, Charlie Brown love. When it comes to following the local jocks, we are the Children of Job. This is not debatable.Seattle? The Seahawks went to the Super Bowl in 2006, They won a playoff game last year. For several years, the Baseball Hall of Fame Of Tomorrow passed through the gates of Safeco Field: Junior Griffey, Randy Johnson, Lou Piniella, A-Rod. We’re supposed to feel sorry for that?On to poor Detroit. When the Motor City’s sports are as bad as ours, Lake Michigan will be a wading pool.The lowly Red Wings have won the Stanley Cup three times since the Reds last made the playoffs. The Pistons won a title in 2004, the Tigers were in the World Series two years ago. The Lions go imperfect one time and suddenly we’re supposed to sing operas for Detroit?“Our football team put the less in hopeless,’’ Albom writes.Oh, really?Since 1991, the Lions have 113 wins. In the ‘90s, they made the playoff five times. In that span, the Bengals have won 101 games and have lived in the postseason for exactly one afternoon.The Lions were so dreadful, Bobby Ross quit after nine games in 2000. In the middle of the season! Who would ever do that?Not the Bengals. Nope, Bruce Coslet ditched the gig three games into 2000. And Ross’ Lions were 5-4 when he left; Coslet’s Bengals were 0-3. We will see you your Joey Harrington, and raise you an Akili Smith and a David Klingler.One historic 0-fer doesn’t afford you the brass ring. True futility stands the test of time. It takes perseverance and a certain reverse luck to be consistently awful. The truly great, bad teams know what it takes to stink over the long haul. Step aside, Matt Millen-ites, and let the true champions roam. Mike Brown will be taking your questions now.OK. I understand: Albom’s SI piece was about more than Detroit sports. Downtown Detroit was a husk even before GM and Chrysler took their places in the bread line. (Actually, the Bengals and Detroit’s broken-down automobile industry have much in common. They’re anachronistic, poorly run businesses that have specialized in not listening to their customers and producing products nobody wants. But we digress.)Detroit fans cope with Coping With more than most. Compared to inner-city Detroit, Cincinnati is Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. But we’re talking sports here. Our resume is unmatched. If losing came with gloves, we’d be Joe Louis.The Reds are losers eight straight years. The Bengals own the worst record in the NFL the last 18 years. The once-proud UC basketball program is weaving along Rebuilding Road. Were it not for the machine that is Xavier basketball, and the freshly minted Brian Kelly Show, we’d all be buying scarlet L jerseys at Lazarus. Oh, that’s right. Lazarus is gone.Someone remind me: Did we get the 2012 Summer Olympics?We’re so beaten down by the losing, our coaches and players have taken to praising their own effort. We “compete’’ here. We’re a city of Knotholers. Play hard. Have fun. If we lose, ah well, stick around. We’re going for ice cream after.Detroit? No, my friends. You’re crying on the wrong shoulder. Come to Cincinnati, where you’re really needed. The ghost of Marge Schott will give you the grand tour.http://news.cincinnati.com/article/2009011...0042/1007/SPT02 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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