If the committee is looking for a statement win from me, they need look no further than today. I walked into my local library, carrying four books that I discovered were overdue a couple months ago. After two months of riding around in the back seat of my truck, the stars aligned and I was ready to return them.
When I walked into the library, it was immediately apparent that the game was afoot. The librarian at the circulation desk was dead zeroed in on me. She goes, "Oh, I'll take those!" in the fakest cheerful librarian voice of all time. What a weak move on her part. Like I don't know her whole game is to grab the books, scan the first one to determine how outrageously overdue they all are, then deploy Disapproving Stare.
I countered with Deferential Brush Off, "Oh I've got it, the slot is right here." as if I just don't want to put her out. I fired the books into the book return slot and smiled my fakest smile right back at her. If she wanted to bust me, she was going to have to be brazen about it and go pick the books out of the bin before I could escape. Ha ha! I wasn't born yesterday.
She gave me this sad, pouty smile that lets me know she's feeling sorry for me, then says, "You know, we went fine free several months ago!"
Yes I know that you hateful goblin, on the third day after you guys went fine free, you checked in like 14 overdue books from me, one of which was over 3 years overdue, and you said, "19 months to read 'Animal Husbandry Basics' hmm?" What a blatant violation of librarian/patron privilege. You could practically hear the snickering from the shelving girl who was loading the books onto her cart as evil librarian checked them in. No bitch, it didn't take 19 months to read. It took three evenings to read, 5 weeks to sit on my nightstand, like a year to lay on the floor between the nightstand and the bed after it fell off said nightstand, then an extended period of back and forth between the kitchen table and the counter, a side trip to the top of the fridge, then finally it arrived here, and by the way I went to high school with your new husband Ben and he's seriously the dumbest person I ever met, like he's almost retarded but somehow slipped through the cracks.
Anyway I said, "Fine free now is it? That's great!"
Naturally I walked out of there like a fucking boss. In your fucking face, Licking County Public Library System!